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@person said:
I think the context she, and myself, are coming from is there was a big self esteem movement in the 80s and 90s that was well intentioned but made some missteps that had unintended consequences that people in my generation may have taken on.

I'll just link Google's summary of the pitfalls:

Narcissism Instead of Confidence: Critics argue the movement confused self-esteem with narcissism, producing a generation with inflated egos, entitlement, and low resilience.
The Problem with Praise: Research found that simply telling children they are "special" or "smart" without them earning it through effort can backfire, reducing their willingness to tackle difficult challenges.
Failed Academic Results: Despite the focus on raising self-esteem to improve grades, studies showed that this approach often resulted in grade inflation rather than actual improved performance.
Correlation vs. Causation: Early assumptions that high self-esteem causes success were found to be flawed; high self-esteem is often a result of accomplishment, not the cause.

I think most of these problems with the self esteem movement are addressed in your reframing around comparing oneself to one's past self or commitment to the process rather than other people, or perhaps society in general.

I find it hard to say which comes first, high self-esteem or high accomplishment. My time growing up in the Dutch Vrije Schools (Rudolph Steiner) stressed the uniqueness of the individual, and the search for talent in all its forms. Later time spent in the commune schools gave me freedom and let me take initiative. So you could say by the time I arrived at my later schooling I was well prepared to do well, having a positive self-image and a willingness to knuckle down and do the work.

When you’re young you don’t tend to have the long-range view that applied effort for years tends to instil, and you’re more reliant on others to help form your self-image. But even then you can focus on praising people’s virtues and good qualities rather than just telling them how “special” they are.