I figured I shouldn't start a new topic just for introducing myself, but I wasn't sure which one to use, so I did a search and picked one, hope that's alright.
So. I'm at the end of my thirties, I'm married and I feel that there are aspects of my life that make more sense in a more spiritual context, so I occasionally gravitate towards religion. Hinduism and Buddhism always fascinated me, but I was never really in connection with either, apart from a few occasions when I did try meditation and experienced its calming effects. I have all kinds of attachments and I don't feel like giving all these up (become a vegetarian? let's go for it. Reduce habits that trigger my anxiety and strengthen my depression? Let's work on that. Not to prioritize my loved ones over strangers or even my own spiritual needs? Never say never, but every cell in me revolts against such notion, which is partly why I'm not a Christian for example, I could not imagine placing some higher authority before my family.)
So I'm an emotional being and I as an "artist" I find beauty in all kinds of illusions, and I'm probably not a great candidate to reach enlightenment in this life, but that's okay, because I'd rather stick around and do good. If anything, I aspire to follow the steps of Bodhisattvas who care for all beings as I never express ill wishes towards others and suffering, no matter what the context is deeply affects me. I rarely ever concern myself with "what people deserve", because I don't find that to be relevant, I like to concern myself with what people need in order to realize their potential for goodness, and that's probably kindness, at least in my read. So according to some, that is a form of... relative bodhicitta and the more I read about that, tonglen, Mahayana and Vajrayana Buddhism... etc, the more I want to visit a local Buddhist community and find an offline Sangha where eventually, if I'm confident enough, I can take refuge. But since I'm introverted without any close friends who are Buddhists and since such places only have monthly or from the Fall, weekly or bi-weekly events nearby, + since my work schedule is rather hectic, I thought I'd look for an online community before I'd get the chance to visit a nearby center.
I've read a rule on a chatroom some time ago, it was the only rule and I liked it so much that I try to keep to it ever since. It wasn't a list of what's not allowed, what things to look out for when policing yourself, it wasn't an assumption that you have to be spoon-fed basic etiquette and whatnot. It was simply this: "Treat this place as if you were a guest invited into someone's home." So in the light of that: thank you for having me over. I hope my contributions will be in the spirit of the community, however wonderfully imperfect we all are. 
RobinH
Hello, dear friends on the Path;
It's been a spell since I've been on but we've shared a lot over the years and there is a lot of insight on this site. Hope everybody is doing alright. This is a bit longer so don't feel bad if it's one of those tldr deals.
In September, I started a 3-5 year Dharma Teachers course which will see me ordained as a Zen Buddhist Priest. After that, I'll add Chaplaincy. I've taken the Five Mindfulness Trainings in the Plum Village Tradition and the Bodhisattva Precepts with my current Zen Tradition and this feels like the natural next step.
As part of said course there are a few essays I have to write. I just finished one on the Awareness of Breathing and I just wanted to share it here in case it helps anyone or in case anyone has any feedback. Not to worry, I've already handed it in so I can't edit any more.
Was just thinking of you guys is all.
Breathing in, I am beginning to type. Breathing out, I am going to enjoy writing this essay. Within, I use the guidance from the Anapanasati Sutta along with the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh's commentary in the book, “Breathe… You are Alive” as well as what I
have learned from my teacher the Venerable
Bhikkuni Thich nu Tinh Quang.
Breathing meditation is a practice recommended by the Buddha to ground us in the present moment and help us to awaken. The breath happens whether we think about it or not. Whether we notice it or not. However, when we do notice it and pay attention to
it, we can be more easily aware of everything else.
I was lucky to have attended a Vipassana
Meditation course and the first of seven weeks was centered around the Mindfulness of Breathing. I learned that there is so much more to breathing meditation than solely the breath, however, it can be our natural anchor because it is always with us which means we can use it at any time to remind and help us to be more aware and bring us back to the present moment. When we bring conscious
attention to the breath, a whole world of awareness opens up.
When we catch ourselves getting carried away by thought we can then go back to the breath. Catching ourselves making distracting storylines is the trick. Once we notice, we have already broken the spell and the more we notice, the easier it gets to notice.
Although it may seem repetitive, returning to the breath again and again gradually develops
concentration and helps us let go of the incessant need to identify with the thought stream.
Because we often overlook the natural rhythm and flow of the breath, we don’t see how it can act as a tether between body and mind and thus, the present moment. Through the awareness of breathing, we can be more focused and thus more aware of the subtle changes in our body, mind and the environment we are not separate from.
Our monkey mind wants to swing from branch to branch, from thought to thought. Thoughts arise depending on conditions, just like everything else, and in turn, they condition what follows. When we see we are going off on a tangent, just this realization is enough to snap out of it and go back to the breath. We can train our monkey.
When we use the words “breathing in, I am aware of (whatever we happen to be doing or noticing)” it leaves no alternate branches to swing to. There is no room for worries about yesterday or tomorrow and so it steers the monkey into an ideal direction. It takes our current conditioning into our own hands.
Thich Nhat Hanh said that during walking
meditation, when we are inside we can take a
breath with every step and when we are outside with others around us we can take two or even three steps with every breath. In, in, in... Out, out, out... Long, long, long... Short, short, short. In this way, we are using the breath as a bridge to call attention to the walking. Then, like the raft on the far shore, we can abandon the words when they become
automatic or second nature and there is just the breath. We are not trying to control the breath, only noticing and paying attention to the quality.
For the Awareness of Breath in the Body Meditation, it is usually recommended we start at the top of the head and slowly work our way down to the feet. Before I started writing this paper, that is how I always did it. Lately, however, I’ve experimented with starting at the lungs and radiating awareness
outward. It has been helping me to stay rooted in the function of the breath itself while strengthening my concentration and, in turn, my compassion. It is also helping me write this essay from my own perspective.
I like to start with my lungs and move out from there. Every part of the body is nourished by the breath and this is obviously especially true for the lungs. Breathing feeds our cells oxygen, helping to build energy. Cellular respiration is our cells using oxygen to convert food to energy. Red blood cells armed with the hemoglobin protein carry oxygen to tissues and organs and carry the carbon dioxide waste away to be exhaled. This gas exchange happens during the circulation between the lungs and the heart which is why I start the awareness of body with the lungs, radiate awareness from there and end with the heart. After scanning the lungs, I move
outward to the stomach and other organs, then my pelvic area. Just looking for anything that needs attention. Any pains, tiredness, itchiness… Anything, really. I acknowledge it and give a compassionate and mindful hug. From there I move to the arms, legs, hands and feet. Then it’s up to the face, mouth, nose, ears, eyes and then the brain. We have an electrical spark in both the brain and the heart so next I go to the heart which figuratively completes the respiratory cycle between inhalation and exhalation.
After going through the various parts of the body, I can then move into the awareness of breath in feelings. With mindful breathing, I can begin to notice whether the sensations in the body and/or mind are pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. This noticing is done without judgement and without adding a storyline. If I feel warmth, tiredness or even
joy, I simply label it as positive, negative or
indifferent and let it go. Observing feelings in this way without judgement, and the reaction that follows closely behind, can bring clarity and allow the feeling to go as it came without attaching to it or the need to react to it. It can just pass through like a cloud in the sky.
This kind of gentle, non-reactive awareness
reinforces the old adage that says “while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”. In the Buddha’s teaching on the two arrows, the first arrow represents the unavoidable pain that life brings and the second arrow is the one we wound ourselves with through judgements and storylines. With mindful breathing and awareness of feelings, we learn not to shoot that second arrow. We can choose compassion instead.
Breathing in, I am aware of the seed of anxiety being watered. Breathing out, I water the seed of compassion to sprout and be with the anxiety. Breathing in, a light shines on anxiety. Breathing out, anxiety is transformed to well-being.
Sometimes a feeling is very strong. We might attach to it very quickly and it can become a mental formation before we realize it’s happening. Thoughts and feelings arise all the time in our experience and once we begin to cling to them or weave a story around them, they become mental formations.
The conditions arise for anger to manifest and it does. This is just an emotional reaction. Once we begin to think “I’m always doing this” or “Nobody gets me” we start creating a story and now a momentary feeling gains weight and becomes a mental formation and can condition our future experience and interactions. In this way a small reaction can become a big problem and cause a lot of suffering.
Mindfulness of breathing allows us to witness this process as it unfolds. With the breath as our anchor, we can observe the formation arising without being swept away. Without identifying with it. Breathing in, we recognize it; breathing out, we release the need to form a self. In this way, the breath gives us the
spaciousness to let go.
Thich Nhat Hanh also reminds us that it is helpful to be grateful for what we are not suffering. For example, if we have a headache, it is easy to attend to it because of the constant reminder. But when we don’t have a headache, we don’t often think to be grateful for the headache not manifesting.
When we no longer identify with mental formations, we free ourselves to notice not only what hurts, but also what doesn’t. The absence of pain is often invisible. With mindfulness, it becomes a blessing.
When we consciously breathe, we are inviting
ourselves to be present. We are becoming attuned to the sensations in our body, the thoughts that come and go and the emotions that follows shortly after. We are not trying to force anything to change, we are just here to observe. We are nurturing a sense of spaciousness within ourselves, allowing
thoughts and feelings to come and go without
resistance. Change happens gracefully here, with no more effort than it takes to breathe.
In my practice, I find that beginning the day with mindful breathing sets a tone of calm and gratitude. No matter what challenges arise, the breath is always available as a refuge. This hits home daily and is only getting more profound even with the writing of this essay. I can feel the usual patterns of thought and worry being left behind as I cultivate a
deeper connection with myself in, and as, the
world.
Breathing in, I recognize the gift of being alive.
Breathing out, I smile to the world within and around me.
-Quang Ksanti
Busy busy… travelling back and forth, and my dad’s cremation is tomorrow, and I still have a speech to write… my dads girlfriend has been a great help, she has done all the selecting of music and photo’s for the ceremony.
Jeroen
@Jeroen
It is not so much about letting go as it is about attaining a different perspective.
I am a Viet Nam Veteran War veteran, I have had to endure the near death and subsequent paralysis of a son, the death of another son in a tragic accident, the death of my wife, and other not so pleasant issues. I did not "let go" of the various hardships and losses. The are all still with me.
However, I was able to change the way I relate to each and all of them. Instead of allowing the pain and the suffering to envelope me, to turn me into a victim, I used my Buddhism to turn these stumbles and losses into sources of positive actions. I was/am able to help others who have their losses, to encourage them, Buddhist and non-Buddhist , through my experiences and my overcoming the very real pain and suffering. To turn suffering into challenge, victory and joy.
No, I do not forget or let go, I rose above and let the each pain, each suffering pass through. I then filled each void with the spark of determination, of empathy, compassion, of hope. By overcoming the negative, by enduring the pain and allowing it to pass through instead "letting go", I have emerged wiser, stronger, better able to encourage, aid and lift others. I am able to nurture my gratitude, to find joy in both loss and gain.
Your friend is searching, seeking. it is her way of finding solace, of mourning, of healing. That is her chosen path to heal. Her experience will always be a part of her it will always be with her. But it can be a base from which she can grow positively.
In another view, in the Buddhist sense, we might say the "letting go" is really "letting flow". Allowing the pain and grief to pass through the discovering the path to grow and rise out of that loss and grief.
At least, that has been my path.
Peace to all

The Grammar Pedant in me would like to point out that the word 'blonde' is one of the very, very few words in the English language that has a masculine version, namely 'blond'. There are also 'fiancé' and 'fiancée' but that's a bit of a stretch, as they're distinctly French.
federica