Best Of

A couple of practical notes come to mind about your thread.

At least as far as I understand from what you have explained...
One of these brothers is a rapist, while the other brother who had this rape situation explained to him, still chose to protect this perpetrator over the criminality that was committed against you, the victim. That makes him an accessory.
I would be hesitant to renew your contact with either of these individuals as they might reasonably perceive you as a credible threat to their current lifestyles, despite how benignly you think you might be able to present this renewed interest in them.

Your forgiveness of them does not really depend on renewing contact with them unless **you **make that contact a condition of your forgiveness.

I am not presuming to know if you should contact them or not. Just that if it's a "letting go" that you really seek, why should it depend on you deliberately re-entering this karmic arena with them again?

Be safe.

I’m at a crossroads.

Whenever I am at a crossroads, I go somewhere else. Off-road, digging or flying. Surprisingly, you only have your dukkha/sukha/path. Amazingly, we all cross roads to get to the far shore. Chicken or roadrunner ...

Beep Beep ...

@Jeroen said:

@IdleChater said:
Did you get counseling after the abuse?

Not sure what relevance that has, although counselling now may provide another, non-Buddhist point of view on the question whether to resume contact.

It feels to me like the answer to your question has to do with how mature your peace is. If you still feel that contact with this man and his brother are going to trigger you to relive the event, then you are likely still carrying trauma from back then, and should seek professional psychological help. There are good therapies for dealing with trauma and flashbacks like EMDR, which can help relieve these things. Or you could try somatic experiencing. There are also good books on the subject, like ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.

Buddhism is very good for finding inner peace, but trauma is generally seated at deeper levels of the body-mind complex. You may find that your Buddhist peace gets sorely tested if you resume contact.

Thank you, what you said makes a lot of sense and I appreciate the book recommendation. I agree my buddhist beliefs would get tested, and they certainly did when three years after this incident a man tried to harm me at a train station, but it would have been a lot worse. I realise this is all my karmic seeds ripening, but it can be overwhelming when it’s constant.

EMDR and TRTP are two therapies I’m considering.

Thank you again. 🌹

@IdleChater said:
Did you get counseling after the abuse?

I did, a rape counsellor was in the doctor’s surgery that morning. I saw her for about six months, but after a while I felt it was doing more damage when the counsellor ( as lovely as she was) wanted me to talk about my parents and childhood. I felt it was irrelevant to my experience.

@IdleChater said:
Did you get counseling after the abuse?

Not sure what relevance that has, although counselling now may provide another, non-Buddhist point of view on the question whether to resume contact.

It feels to me like the answer to your question has to do with how mature your peace is. If you still feel that contact with this man and his brother are going to trigger you to relive the event, then you are likely still carrying trauma from back then, and should seek professional psychological help. There are good therapies for dealing with trauma and flashbacks like EMDR, which can help relieve these things. Or you could try somatic experiencing. There are also good books on the subject, like ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.

Buddhism is very good for finding inner peace, but trauma is generally seated at deeper levels of the body-mind complex. You may find that your Buddhist peace gets sorely tested if you resume contact.

I'm sure there are skillful and unskillful methods in which to approach him and broach this subject.

I'd like to give good advice but I really don't know what the good thing to do is. I think if you do approach him via email or social media, spell out your intentions (that you're looking for healing and possibly a reconnection?) and leave it totally up to him whether he wants to engage as it is asking quite a bit from him too.

Did you get counseling after the abuse?