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Re: The practice of 'no-esteem'

If it was me…….I would have had the sutra quote on ready.

I kinda like the title. There’s a lot there to meditate on. My approach is really a few mantras I have taped up….like “I’m not going to compare myself today to anyone. I’m just trying to be/do better than myself from yesterday”. On the other hand, I try to equalize as oppose to compare…like “that person appears to be better than me at this, that, or the other…but they’ve gone thru things just like me and life can suck for them too bec of the human experience. Everyone puts on pants one leg at a time, and most importantly death meets us all, no matter how you might “compare” to me.

Disclosure: this wise approach works only about 2 days out of the week, haha…I’ll keep trying…

Vastmind

4

Re: The practice of 'no-esteem'

There are better tips out there but I have a practice of seeing others as collaborators working on the same project. It helps me to re-frame a negative view into something more beneficial and refreshes myself with a sense of togetherness and desire to help rather than separate from and desire to compete.

Figuring out why/if it matters to hold views like negative comparisons can also be beneficial. Or even reflecting deeply on how those negative comparisons impact you. Reflecting on some of my negative views helps me see how they lead to more problems rather than less problems which makes it easier to notice/reduce/stop.

I don't have any sutta reference but I might point toward Right View and Right Livelihood if you enjoy digging. Though I still don't understand Right Livelihood in this context.

FleaMarket

5

The practice of 'no-esteem'

I know the thread title sounds odd, so let me explain. In my readings (and unfortunately I don't have a sutra quote at the ready) it was mentioned that the Buddha admonished his followers to not compare themselves to others. You shouldn't say to yourself, oh I'm so much better than so and so at making doilies, or negatively either, as in so-and-so is so much smarter than I am. The reference I seem to remember also said one shouldn't even make, um, equal comparisons like: "I'm just as good as Bob at running a company." That's why I'm calling this sort of attitude/practice "no-esteem."

As someone with rather low self-esteem, this is really, really hard for me. I find myself pretty regularly comparing myself negatively to others. As a sort of antidote I guess, I also sometimes try to compare myself positively to others (I believe this is the usual Western prescription for self-criticism.)

I think somewhere else it is mentioned that this is self-serving in some manner, though the exact quote and meaning isn't coming to mind. While there may be some truth to this, I think it can also become an ingrained habit of mind.

Any tips or practices for making this approach easier?

nakazcid

2

Re: How Do You Handle Temptations?

I've been putting into practice some of the things I've been reading.

For a certain "craving" that I have - I just "accept" it. I recognize that I have this craving - and I go meditate. I've tried to stop "feeling bad" or "weak" for having this craving. I've tried to stop thinking that "I have do to something about this craving." I recognize that I do have it and that it will pass.

It's odd. Instead of feeling like I have to do something about it - if I just relax, recognize it for what it is - I find that it's not such a driving force as I was thinking it was.

I don't know if this makes much sense - but I just stop, recognize it for what it is, take some deep breaths, think about it for what it is and try to come to peace in the fact that it will pass.

Michael

buddhafoot

1

Re: Thoughts on traumatised people

There are a variety of ways to do this type of "clearing" (with skilled help).

It seems that trauma is a common part of the human condition. It's much more common than previously believed.

Indeed. Trauma is the first Noble Truth.
Our practice is a continuity, working on the murky and sometimes completely obscured.

We can not always work on our deepest knots/folded up impediments. We also have to be aware that existence/experience life itself is traumatic.

It is why we ideally we practice in good, bad and indifferent internal 'weather'.

Hope that makes sense …

lobster

2

Re: Thoughts on traumatised people

@Jeroen said:
Normal I think are those who are capable of expressing love, and co-existing with others without causing them too much damage. There are many routes to that, politeness, measured withdrawal, humor, to name a few.

I don’t think its possible to grow up without a few trauma’s. Especially if you are a sensitive child by nature. The question is, are these trauma’s so intense that it causes you a recognised illness such as PTSD, or is it more in the nature of background noise?

There are different levels of trauma. Researchers and therapists are finding, that there are mini-traumas that, while they're not on a level that would require PTSD treatment, still have an effect on our psyches and our health. Even the birth experience can be traumatic. Clearing all the little traumas that are rattling around in our body-mind, subtly gumming up the works, causing energy blockages that can lead to illness or that may cause us to hold ourselves back in life, has the potential to liberate energy and consciousness that can help us move forward. There are a variety of ways to do this type of "clearing" (with skilled help).

It seems that trauma is a common part of the human condition. It's much more common than previously believed.

Dakini

5

Re: Thoughts on traumatised people

@lobster said:
Any answers/examples that come to mind …

Om Mani Padme Huh Mhmm

Nothing makes sense so I'm just gunna set nothing and sense aside for a bit and go back to my cushion..

FleaMarket

2

Re: Thoughts on traumatised people

@FleaMarket said:

... Medicine comes in bitter, sweet and bizarre. What works is skilful …

How do you tell?

We already know.

Let us take an example:

We are feeling low, what lifts our spirits? Spirits, sprites on a screen, habitual rites OR an uplifting experience. Bizarre how many 'solutions' are in fact toxic/fetters.
We engage in practice, we feel better.
Skilful? Eh … YES! … and I did shout. I will do it again YA! YES! YEAH! (Also available as a mantra)

Any answers/examples that come to mind …

lobster

1

Re: Thoughts on traumatised people

I don’t think its possible to grow up without a few trauma’s

I guess....being born (birth) is a traumatic experience in itself...

One moment everything's nice and cosy 'Gemutlich', then all of a sudden, all the sense doors are exposed to the world/phenomena, shapes, smells, sounds, colours etc...

Shoshin1

1

Re: Thoughts on traumatised people

I see trauma as past experiences that generate emotions leading to strife in the mind which finds no outlet and instead reverberates within the mind until triggered by some event where it's vented in uncontrolled ways until depleted and then starts reverberating within the mind again. To me, traumatized people are people with that going on to higher degrees than normal. No idea what normal is though.

I'm not a professional so I don't know if that's correct or if I'd label my childhood as traumatic but it certainly felt traumatic and like you mention @marcitko, those experiences have caused complications in my adult life which favor the arguably unproductive emotionally driven way I live currently. Mild trauma seems fitting. Not enough for anyone to take seriously but enough to only function in a limited capacity.

Therapists are just regular people who went to school. Like everyone else they are subject to the same things-death, greed, delusion, conditioned states, trauma, and the rest. They can be in a worse state of trauma than those they help and still get a college degree and be allowed to practice. Dhamma at least allows me to learn tools to therapize and heal myself and leaves it in my hands to decide if I ever get very good at it or not.

FleaMarket

2