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Many, many years ago, a neighbour, who had been carer to her mother for a good 15 years, finally faced her mother's last days at home, where she died. Not knowing what to say or do (I was a wet-behind-the-ears teenager) I bought her a little rose bush, in memory of her mum - which I actually watched her carry to the dustbin, and hurl it in with an angry flourish.
Naturally, I was shocked, but in those days, (we're talking 50 years ago!) I was definitely not one to challenge or argue with someone adult, so although hurt and upset, I tried to let it go.
A few days later, we met in the street, and she thanked me for my gift, and must have realised from my reaction, that I knew she'd thrown it away, so after a short Q & A, she went on to explain that her relationship with her mother had been one of almost a slave to a mistress. Her mother had always treated her abominably, and had instead favoured her older brothers shamelessly. In spite of everything she had done for her mother, there was absolutely no provision made for her in the Will, and her house, goods & chattels and considerable sum of money was left divided between her two boys. She had been left homeless, and penniless.
It was an absolute blessing that her two brothers subsequently drew up an agreement to allow her to live in the house indefinitely, rent free, and they would deal with all household finances 50/50.
So while she had absolutely NO respect for her mother, and a deep and abiding resentment, her two older brothers proved to be eminently respectful - and respectable gentlemen.
So, "respecting your elders" is very much a universal recommendation. But it's occasionally hard to implement.
What we have to remember is that Respect your elders, and, as we are encouraged in the 10 Commandments, to "Honour thy father and mother", nowhere is the word 'Love' mentioned.
Respect and honour are a recognition that these people have had to put in hard graft to get you to where you are today. Consciously, or unconsciously, by accident or by design, our parents make us who we are, and we make choices through experience. So honouring and respecting is good for us too.

Hello. It sounds like you experienced a standard Buddhist talk in a traditional Asian Buddhist centre that is family orientated. Respecting parents is about children having gratitude for the care & sacrifice the parents provided . If your parents did not provide care to you there are no strong grounds for such overt respect. Instead, you can cultivate compassion towards your parents, trying to understand why they had such personal problems.

Having said this, there is nothing wrong or "excessively authoritarian" with the Buddhist centre you attended. What is out of the ordinary is your personal circumstances. I suggest you think about attending some social activities at this Buddhist centre where you may experience hospitable family gatherings; such as attend the days where people make food offerings to the monks. If you hang out with some nice hospitable families, you may start to respect some of those hospitable parents.

Cars are enormously beneficial to societal wealth.
There are a few pretty shady car dealers though.

Farming plays a critical role in society's food chain.
But some farmers engage in destructive practices that deplete the soil.

We living humans literally owe our very existence to parents.
Not everyone is good at parenting, though.

The teaching is valid.
That doesn't mean that bad examples can't be found.

Given your experience, the teaching might actually be MORE valuable to you than to others.

If it doesn't show you something outside your existing knowledge, it isn't really teaching, is it?

Respect for elders is independent of like or dislike, love or hate or indifference. Specifically, respecting your parents, no matter their character or condition, arises from the fact that they are the ones who brought you into this life.
Of course there is more involved, but it is a beginning.

Western culture is very individualistic, particularly in contrast to Asian cultures. We value going our own way and expressing our uniqueness in ways that more collectivist cultures don't. I'm not an expert, but I think there are more socially enforced norms (as well as the social structures in place to support them) to ensure wiser, more harmonious behavior from elders than our culture may have.

The translation of individual aspects divorced from supporting elements isn't always perfect?

So, I don't know. Take what positive you can get from it, maybe talk to someone there about it and your experience around authority. In the end though it might not be the right fit and another dharma community would work better.