Best Of

Is being empathic a good thing?

I, like most other people I know, am empathetic towards what other sentient beings are feeling/going through....I find this a blessing...However, I have also found, that having enough emotional intelligence not to allow empathy to cloud the big picture, is a thing to develop too...

We are all cut from the same cloth... = Sharing the same five aggregates...

“Judge Softly” (AKA Walk a mile in his moccasins)

Pray, don't find fault with the man that limps,
Or stumbles along the road.
Unless you have worn the moccasins he wears,
Or stumbled beneath the same load.

There may be tears in his soles that hurt
Though hidden away from view.
The burden he bears placed on your back
May cause you to stumble and fall, too. . .

Don’t sneer at the man who is down today
Unless you have felt the same blow
That caused his fall or felt the shame
That only the fallen know.

Don’t be too harsh with the man that sins.
Or pelt him with words, or stone, or disdain.
Unless you are sure you have no sins of your own,
And it’s only wisdom and love that your heart contains.

For you know if the tempter’s voice
Should whisper as soft to you,
As it did to him when he went astray,
It might cause you to falter, too.

Just walk a mile in his moccasins
Before you abuse, criticize and accuse.
If just for one hour, you could find a way
To see through his eyes, instead of your own muse.

I believe you’d be surprised to see
That you’ve been blind and narrow-minded, even unkind.
There are people on reservations and in the ghettos
Who have so little hope, and too much worry on their minds.

Brother, there but for the grace of God go you and I.
Just for a moment, slip into his mind and traditions
And see the world through his spirit and eyes
Before you cast a stone or falsely judge his conditions.

Remember to walk a mile in his moccasins
And remember the lessons of humanity taught to you by your elders.
We will be known forever by the tracks we leave
In other people's lives, our kindnesses and generosity.

Take the time to walk a mile in his moccasins.”

~by Mary T. Lathrap, 1895~

“What we think about death determines how we live.”
— Dag Hämmerskjold

How we think about death also determines how we live!

The Blessed One said, "Mindfulness of death, when developed & pursued, is of great fruit & great benefit. It gains a footing in the Deathless, has the Deathless as its final end. Therefore you should develop mindfulness of death."

"And how do you develop mindfulness of death?"

"I think, 'O, that I might live for a day & night, that I might attend to the Blessed One's instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.' This is how I develop mindfulness of death."

Then another monk addressed the Blessed One, "I, too, already develop mindfulness of death."

"And how do you develop mindfulness of death?"

"I think, 'O, that I might live for a day, that I might attend to the Blessed One's instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.' This is how I develop mindfulness of death."

Then another monk addressed the Blessed One, "I, too, develop mindfulness of death." ... "I think, 'O, that I might live for the interval that it takes to eat a meal, that I might attend to the Blessed One's instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.' ..."

Then another monk addressed the Blessed One, "I, too, develop mindfulness of death." ... "I think, 'O, that I might live for the interval that it takes to swallow having chewed up four morsels of food, that I might attend to the Blessed One's instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.' ..."

Then another monk addressed the Blessed One, "I, too, develop mindfulness of death." ... "I think, 'O, that I might live for the interval that it takes to swallow having chewed up one morsel of food, that I might attend to the Blessed One's instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.' ..."

Then another monk addressed the Blessed One, "I, too, develop mindfulness of death." ... "I think, 'O, that I might live for the interval that it takes to breathe out after breathing in, or to breathe in after breathing out, that I might attend to the Blessed One's instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal.' This is how I develop mindfulness of death."

When this was said, the Blessed One addressed the monks. "Whoever develops mindfulness of death, thinking, 'O, that I might live for a day & night... for a day... for the interval that it takes to eat a meal... for the interval that it takes to swallow having chewed up four morsels of food, that I might attend to the Blessed One's instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal' — they are said to dwell heedlessly. They develop mindfulness of death slowly for the sake of ending the effluents.

"But whoever develops mindfulness of death, thinking, 'O, that** I might live for the interval that it takes to swallow having chewed up one morsel of food... for the interval that it takes to breathe out after breathing in, or to breathe in after breathing out, that I might attend to the Blessed One's instructions. I would have accomplished a great deal' — they are said to dwell heedfully. They develop mindfulness of death acutely for the sake of ending the effluents.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an06/an06.019.than.html

I think it's good to be empathetic to help avoid doing that stuff to others but it does hurt when someone else is harsh, false, etc to be that empathic person hearing them.

My take on it is not that being empathetic is bad. I think the solution for people who are sensitive and empathic isn't to shut oneself off, but to deepen one's practice of no self or letting go. Such that the negative energy has little place to land and can pass through more quickly.

The analogy I relate it to is that of Chogyam Trungpa. That the practice is like the sense of constantly falling but then realizing that there is no place to land.

Yet another way to think about it is that the feelings are even more so not yours. I find when a negative emotion is overwhelming me from an outside source that it still often feels like it is your own experientially and its easy to get caught up in it and spin out, reinforcing the feeling. It is often harder to process and let go of when you're not familiar with the feeling, to me it can feel like swimming upstream. I'll say letting go often does get easier with familiarity. And on the positive side, even with negativity directed at you it does offer great insight.

I was listening to a talk by Joseph Goldstein on the Waking Up app, it was about how we listen. He cited a sutra of the Buddha’s, which I believe was this one…

"In the same way, monks, others may use these five modes of speech when speaking to you — speech that is timely or untimely, true or false, gentle or harsh, with a good or a harmful motive, and with a loving heart or hostility. In this way, monks, you should train yourselves: 'Neither shall our minds be affected by this, nor for this matter shall we give vent to evil words, but we shall remain full of concern and pity, with a mind of love, and we shall not give in to hatred. On the contrary, we shall live projecting thoughts of universal love to that very person, making him as well as the whole world the object of our thoughts of universal love — thoughts that have grown great, exalted and measureless. We shall dwell radiating these thoughts which are void of hostility and ill will.' It is in this way, monks, that you should train yourselves.”

From https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.021x.budd.html

Now I have always been rather sensitive and empathic, and when people talk to me falsely, harshly, with a harmful motive and with hostility, it shocks me and I find it hard not to respond. These things can put me out of sorts for days. I’ve tried to ignore an incident like this in the past, but that prevented me from making a response at all, which is not a good thing.

In this particular matter, being soft-hearted, responsive, sensitive and empathic is not an advantage.