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Adventures in Sobriety Continued...
zombiegirl
beating the drum of the lifelessin a dry wasteland Veteran
You guys, I realize I posted about this not too long ago... but I felt like I needed to make an update.
I am actually REALLY enjoying being sober. It's crazy to me. I wanted to post this because I have seen this topic come up from time to time on here and I know I'm not the only one who was hesitant to take the plunge, wondering if not drinking meant sacrificing my social life.
A few things I've noticed. My friends group is naturally sorting itself out. I've never realized it before, but I do have friends that seem to only know how to drink. I have a few different friends groups and one in particular is full of awesome interesting people who I can have great conversations and fun with sober or drunk. But I'm not going to lie, I've realized that there are some people that have sort of dropped off the face of the earth in response to my sobriety. They're the type that can't seem to have fun without alcohol involved and can't stand the thought of being around someone sober. These are the same people I've always felt a lot of pressure from to get hammered, so I'm not feeling too poorly about it. I would say we're still friends, but we make 'day dates' now instead of hanging out in bars at night.
I recently passed my biggest obstacle... I really like to sing, but despite theater and choir and about a 1000 visits to karaoke bars... I still get stage fright. It's unbelievable, but that first song is always so hard for me. But I did it... I did sober karaoke and found that it was actually awesome. I, apparently, sound better sober. But that first song, oh man, I was actually shaking, lol. But at the end of the night, I felt a lot more confident and actually was recruited by an acquaintance of mine to sing for a new band he's starting. Realistically, I know how musicians are, so we'll see if that actually happens... but I definitely took it as a compliment, regardless.
One of the biggest things for me though, is when the night is over, I don't have to immediately eat a crapload of carbs, drink a bunch of water, and go straight to bed. Now after the party, I can come home and relax or meditate or work on my writing. Being drunk doesn't have to ruin 'me' time anymore... especially if the next day would have been spent hungover in bed.
I feel so positive and in control. Being sober is nothing like DDing for me. In the past, I hated DDing because it meant that I really wanted to drink, but had vowed to stay sober for everyone else. Now, I'm sober as my own decision and don't feel that I am lacking.
I highly encourage anyone else on the fence about it to try sobriety, even for a month or so. It sounds a lot scarier than it really is.
I am actually REALLY enjoying being sober. It's crazy to me. I wanted to post this because I have seen this topic come up from time to time on here and I know I'm not the only one who was hesitant to take the plunge, wondering if not drinking meant sacrificing my social life.
A few things I've noticed. My friends group is naturally sorting itself out. I've never realized it before, but I do have friends that seem to only know how to drink. I have a few different friends groups and one in particular is full of awesome interesting people who I can have great conversations and fun with sober or drunk. But I'm not going to lie, I've realized that there are some people that have sort of dropped off the face of the earth in response to my sobriety. They're the type that can't seem to have fun without alcohol involved and can't stand the thought of being around someone sober. These are the same people I've always felt a lot of pressure from to get hammered, so I'm not feeling too poorly about it. I would say we're still friends, but we make 'day dates' now instead of hanging out in bars at night.
I recently passed my biggest obstacle... I really like to sing, but despite theater and choir and about a 1000 visits to karaoke bars... I still get stage fright. It's unbelievable, but that first song is always so hard for me. But I did it... I did sober karaoke and found that it was actually awesome. I, apparently, sound better sober. But that first song, oh man, I was actually shaking, lol. But at the end of the night, I felt a lot more confident and actually was recruited by an acquaintance of mine to sing for a new band he's starting. Realistically, I know how musicians are, so we'll see if that actually happens... but I definitely took it as a compliment, regardless.
One of the biggest things for me though, is when the night is over, I don't have to immediately eat a crapload of carbs, drink a bunch of water, and go straight to bed. Now after the party, I can come home and relax or meditate or work on my writing. Being drunk doesn't have to ruin 'me' time anymore... especially if the next day would have been spent hungover in bed.
I feel so positive and in control. Being sober is nothing like DDing for me. In the past, I hated DDing because it meant that I really wanted to drink, but had vowed to stay sober for everyone else. Now, I'm sober as my own decision and don't feel that I am lacking.
I highly encourage anyone else on the fence about it to try sobriety, even for a month or so. It sounds a lot scarier than it really is.
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Comments
Also, I recently heard (on television, so my sources are of course super reputable /sarcasm) that drinking actually loosens up the muscles you want to be tight for singing -- which now explains why everyone grapples for the mic as soon as I start singing at karaoke after a night of reckless imbibing...
Rock on \m/
Yeah, day dates are like... shopping or seeing a movie or whatever people do that normally doesn't involve alcohol. It seems that some people are just too habitual with their nights, but I'm not going to force anyone into sober activities when all they want to do is get hammered to forget life. It's just not necessarily fun to be a sober passenger on their drunk train, if you get my drift.
So, what I'm dying to know is: are you still at the same job? Any progress there?
Basically, I've just been asking myself this question for a while: "Do the benefits of drinking outweigh the negatives?" After a while, the scales just sort of tipped.
This is why I appreciate Buddhism. Although alcohol is advised against in the precepts, it is left up to us to figure out whether we want to do this and why we should.
About the job thing, I'm sending you a PM
I'm fine and happy around tipsy and buzzed people but not being drunk around those who are wasted gets old fast.
Best of luck ZG.
Thats all Im asking for youhuuu.
Shouldnt this topic be posted on an AA website instead?
@Talisman you are a hero.
This is dharma. This is sangha.
Make room in the Purelands Buddha - here we come . . . :clap:
As a side note, my father (ex-alcoholic) suggested I try going to AA as well, but I haven't really felt the need. He said it wasn't like what most expect and mostly was a nice support group of interesting people.
Hi guys, I was reading the threads here (this is my first post) and I came across this one, kinda freaky as I just posted the above blog the other day, I'm very new to both blogging an this forum, but we're all "beginners mind", right, and we can do with all the help we can get? I hope that others will see that whatever we go through, we are not alone. Integrated individuality and awareness of ones emotions are the bedrock of beginning to see through to the true nature of our experiences. We need to frame the glass before we can call it a window... :-)
Anyway, hope it is of use to those who are struggling - I'm 5 weeks sober, and its been hell. Really, really tough, but writing about my reasons and experiences has been of immense help, and the love and support of the Sangha has never been more important or gratefully accepted!
Stay strong people, just see what arrises as transient, your experiences are no more separate from the ebb and flow of absolute reality than the waves are separate from the ocean. All things must pass... Gate, Gate, Paragate. Parasangate... Bodhi - Svaha!!
Metta in abundance, Your brother in the Dharma,
Jay :-)
Openness To The Truth Of Impermanence
This is the openness of accepting change. Many people recognise the necessity of letting go of resistance to change. However, they may do so out of resignation, the feeling that since things have to change there is no point in getting attached to anything. This may make them try not to feel or care too much about anything, which would mean they ended up living an impoverished and unenviable life. Others become so aware of the dynamic of change that they almost panic; they are rushing always on to the next thing, grabbing as much as they can while it lasts. Both of these responses arise out of a fear of change rather than an openness to change.
Nevertheless we have in our language many expressions revealing a kind of folk wisdom about opening to the reality of change.
Jot down some common expressions that reflect folk wisdom concerning being open to and accepting impermanence and change:
(my workbook notes)
let it be
roll with the punches
one day at a time
live in the moment
Blog yes. Sober yes.
Cool.
You can bring that ferocious mayhem into practice.
Prostrations to the point of exhaustion. Dharma till you drop.
Hell yes. :clap:
. . . taming demons . . . now that is what I call a hobby.
I will dedicate some practice to your well being . . .
Strung with just enough tension however, it can be played and utilised to create the most beautiful, transcendent melodies. This human life, this body is the most incredible instrument, capable of a million simultaneous songs. Let us make sure we read the manual with a sense of PRACTICING, rather than narrow-mindedly fixating on the finial performance...
To use a better analongy, we must not become so fixated with walking this path to its conclusion (enlightenment, surely?) that we stomp along at a ferocious rate, mindlessly ignoring the bleeding soles of our feet. We will only serve to hurt ourselves, and would miss the spectacular views en route! It is our intention that is pivotal, and however that intention plays out, let us be wary of telling ourselves stories about our struggles. Let us also keep an eye out so that the ego doesn't seize upon our newly-found sobriety or clarity of thought and, planting the insipid flag of "fixed self" surreptitiously yet firmly into the grounds of our lives, declare for all to see that this new found way is "I" or "the new me"... ;-)
I've noticed that over a few weeks creeping in to my experiences, and I think its something to be mindful of. @Zombiegirl Have you noticed any of this? What about anyone else? I have always thought (even before I encountered the Dharma in a meaningful way) that one SHOULD be able to define (when asked!) what one finds agreeable or not, but not necessarily BE defined by those preferences. When my mates ask me if I've stopped drinking, I just laugh and say something along the lines of "well, I'm not drinking right NOW/this second, but who knows where I will be in 3 minutes..." Reminds me that me relationship with alcohol is just as subject to change as I am. Let us not set up future suffering for ourselves. There is enough of that in this world already (as contradictory as that sounds)...
Hope all are having, or have had, a day of calm abiding and equanimity, keep up the wonderful posting everyone, it is a much-splendid thing this forum!
In metta, your Brother, Jay x
But since I've quit, it's been different somehow. It's as though I've just accepted things as they are... people get drunk, I now accept this and no longer feel that it has anything to do with me. My father was a drunk, and I resented him for a long time because of it. In my mind, his drinking was always what kept us apart and I took it very personally. It's hard to explain, but I guess I let alcohol become a crutch for me to tolerate drunks. So I've apparently been carrying around a lot of labels in my past, passing them out as I see fit and allowing it to skew my reality. But somehow, allowing myself to be sober is like giving myself permission to step outside of it all.
For me, I still drink, but I don't get drunk. This pretty much boils down to me having one beer a night (because I really do like craft beers) and it seems to keep my friends pacified. This is easy for me, but I realize it may be impossible for others. I did have an issue recently with some family, who were pretty much berating me about not drinking and telling me how I'll be back within a month. But sadly, I consider both of the people involved actual alcoholics so I can understand how they would find the idea of sobriety so abhorrent.
It's an interesting experiment, I guess. When people ask me why I've quit, depending on who they are, I either tell them the initial story of how I fell and hurt myself or I tell them that I just prefer to not get drunk anymore. Some people get it, but some people need more of a reason. Sometimes I even tell them that I'm working towards taking my Buddhist precepts, but it's sometimes hard to make people understand that not drinking was a choice I made because I found the precept to be true, not a choice I made just because it says not to.
( and there is no moral judgement in being or not being an alcoholic to my mind ) - all the alcoholic's I know would like to be able to be social drinker and enjoy one craft beer. As a guy I once dated responded to my flat mate at the time when he offered him a beer from his well stocked fridge of craft beers, " not thanks mate, there's not enough there "
My daughter, she can drink sensibly; last Christmas she fancied a bottle of pear cider; that's strange to begin with. It's like she will only drink an alcoholic beverage if she likes the taste; the weirdo. I did explain that drinking has nothing what-so-ever to do with the taste - and everything about the effect - but she never listens to me. I mean it's okay to dress up our drinking with only drinking stuff we say we like; but really, deep down, we know why we do it.
Then I watched how she drank it. She kinda sipped it, then put the glass down, forgot about it for a bit, then took another drink - and then put the glass down again?????????? And a bit later, maybe after another few sips, she forgot about it. What's that about?
Sheesh. If I was a normal drinker like my daughter, I'd get shit-faced every night.
Mouthwash was okay though - well at the time - but a few days later I broke out in eczema all over my back; it was bad. I'd be unconscious in bed and I must've scratched it raw over a number of days - while asleep - and in the morning my bed was just blood covered. I'm sure it was the mouthwash though.
Played my haemorrhoids up something chronic too.
Alcoholism is such an attractive illness!
Of course I have had times when I drank to get drunk. I very vividly remember doing that on my birthday after my girlfriend of 3 years had just dumped me. I also vaguely remember puking out the window of my car on the highway (I wasn't driving, mind you)... well, most of it got out of the window, anyways.
So, I know. It's not that I don't ever do it... it's just that for the most part, I really do seem to have some sort of fascination with quality liquids. I'm a coffee snob, buying expensive coffee and doing the pour over method for that perfect cup. I get so excited when a guest asks for a cup of tea because I have a ridiculous variety to share. And I guess this translates down to craft brews as well. One of my previous jobs waiting tables was in a bar that had 24 rotating beers on tap and a ridiculous bottle selection. As a result of that job, I have visited 5 or 6 different breweries with guided tours from the brewmasters and I've learned a lot of the ins and outs of a good beer. Now that I don't drink to get drunk, I honestly find myself wishing that these beers were non-alcoholic so I could drink more, lol. I recently had a craft root beer that I was really excited about. I also found a local kombucha beer that is like the most amazing thing... only problem is that it's super high alcohol, so I have to drink it REAAALLLY slowly.
I wonder about alcoholism. I find it as curious as you find someone not drinking to get drunk curious. In myself, I've found that my drinking to get drunk is usually fueled by emotions. Having a bad day... wanting to forget my life... things like that. But I have to be in that mindset in order to get there, otherwise, I'm fine just sipping slowly on a Guinness for 4 hours, lol.
So I don't think I am an alcoholic. I think I just have craving for a special treat. Candy. Beer. Tea. Pipe tobacco. I have switched to coffee, tea, and pipe tobacco. Losing weight and rarely drinking.
And to answer your question, "the mormons. Yep, the mormons."
I was like, let's go get some beer. I figured we could just go to the grocery store. Nope. It was only 10:30. Too late. And they shut between 4 and 6 on Sunday :shake:
It took me a while to get used to the fact that I couldn't buy beer from the corner shop and I couldn't buy it at 4am if I wanted to. No 24 hour beer delivery, either, a service which saved many a party in the UK.
You get used to it but it's kinda lame, especially when you have people over and you didn't get enough for everyone to drink.
@Jeffrey I got my grandmother hooked on Kaliber a while back. She used to really enjoy drinking, but with some health complications, she no longer can have any sort of alcohol... but she really did enjoy the taste of Kaliber. I've tried it, but I think I'd have to give it another try to see if I actually care for it.
I've been thinking about it... and I think what I will miss the most is playing drinking games. My girlfriend and I spent several years in a heavy drinking college town and got in the habit of playing all sorts of weird games... from tv show drinking games to beer pong to waterfall to drunken jenga... you just can't really replace it with anything else since the point is that a good drinking game turns alcohol into a punishment.
List of games:
Vegetable game
President game-asshole
High Low
Waterfall
Bizz Buzz
Roxanne (sting song drink everytime he says RoxanneI)
I remember stopping drinking and it was like a big hole opened in my life. Time went s-l-o-w-l-y, and there just seemed to be so much of it. In early sobriety I found it useful to get myself to a meeting on a regular basis, if there was one available; it killed time and took my mind off myself. I live in a provincial town, so we only have two a week, so at times I'd have to travel to find one.
I also found listening to XA Speakers helped. I recommend Clancy I; he's a funny guy.
http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=file&id=212
Stay safe!