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"Where's Dad?" "Meditating." "oh......"
nenkohai
Veteran
I see my dharma-practice as a life-encompassing thing. My meditation practice (part of my larger dharma-practice) is stuttering along, though. I can't seem to get passed that I feel I'm needed to be present in the evenings for my family. My son (16 years old) seems high-maintenance recently (well, last 3 or so months). It feels selfish to me to go off for even just hour to meditate.
I've considered early mornings. I'm dubious about that... I fear I may struggle to stay awake!
Any thoughts on that struggle within me? Thank you, friends.
I've considered early mornings. I'm dubious about that... I fear I may struggle to stay awake!
Any thoughts on that struggle within me? Thank you, friends.
0
Comments
I don't think it's selfish. Your practice is your practice and as long as you are there for your family, then what does it matter at what time you meditate? Do you still love and care for them? Do you still spend time with them and provide? Then meditating for one hour in the evening is not a huge deal.
As for your son, maybe he just doesn't understand Buddhism or why it is important to you? This could be a good opportunity to teach him about your practice and, who knows, maybe he will eventually want to take up meditation?
@nenkohai
Go with what your feelings are telling you is more important.
If right now, at this point in time, you feel that being with your family and interacting with your son (who is at a precarious age) is more important than scratching out 45 minutes of half-hearted, distracted or hesitant meditation... then that's the way to go.
Living the Dharma is just that... Living the Dharma.
Incorporating the path into every aspect of your life and relationships with others.
Meditation will always be at your beck and call whenever you simply sit and do it; whether that means tomorrow, next week, next month or a year from now.
Your family, on the other hand, will not always be there as they are now, nor need you as they do now.
You have your whole life ahead of you for meditation, reflection and spiritual indulgences. (Yes, IMO, when mediation becomes something one clings to above all else, it is an indulgence).
You don't have your whole life ahead of you to experience your spouse, or your children and their need for you as a parent. They grow up (and away) all too soon. Family/Kids is a 'now' thing.... YMMV.
@DaftChris said: This could be a good opportunity to teach him about your practice and, who knows, maybe he will eventually want to take up meditation?
I also totally agree with that. It's another way to incorporate Buddhism into the relationship with your son. Who knows- he might go for it!
I meditate in the morning, and it works really well. I don't work, so I have a flexible schedule but I am home with a 4 year old and an obnoxious large dog, so there's that, lol. I don't do well to meditate when I get up really early either. So, I get the older kids and my husband out the door, and then I meditate before I get the younger one up and make breakfast. It works out well.
Perhaps you can split it up, and do some evenings and some mornings, or do half hour in the morning and half hour in the evening?
It is important to care for yourself. Your children are better off if you do. When you take care of yourself, you are better able to take care of them, and they see that time for you is important, too. If you have to do it at night, can you do it later, after he goes to bed or something?
If he is home all evening every evening for several hours, then I see no reason why you cannot take that time for yourself. It is important. But if he is home little like my teenager, then it's a different story and you might need to experiment with other times and situations that might work better.
Has your son said anything to you about it? Or are you assuming it is a problem when it might very well not be? If you did not meditate, what would you do instead? If it would involve sitting and talking or doing things with him that is different than if you would give up your meditation time for him to sit on the chair with earbuds in and a laptop on his lap, lol.
In Zen Buddhism, there was once a teacher (sorry, don't remember who) who asked, "When has Zen ever had anything to do with sitting on a cushion?" This is not just some cutesy-wootsey spiritual conundrum. If you think there is an etched divide between spiritual endeavor and 'other' stuff, well, it's time to reconsider.
Sometimes compromise is the way to go.
Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche teaches that doing many 3 minute meditations spread throughout the day can be more effective for people with busy lives than a longer session once a day. Maybe you could just try stepping away for a few minutes every hour or two for some mini sessions.
Thank you
I've been known to be naughty and get back into bed, but not usually, because Mrs Tosh then kicks off that I've woken her and didn't go meditate; so that's what I normally do.
Families eh?
But I spend two evenings a week doing A.A. stuff, and one morning on a weekend meeting up with at least one sponsee (I call this my 'formal practising of compassion'), so I guess I really can't let my spiritual practise affect my family more than I do already.
But if you've got a pretty solid relationship and it just happens that he's a bit clingy lately, I personally think (speaking as someone without children) that this is a good opportunity for your son to learn patience for at least 20 mins! I'm pretty close to my parents, but even at 16 I wouldn't care too much if my parents weren't around to hang out or whatever.