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Tathagata Glorious Soft-Love That Fills All Beings
person
Don't believe everything you thinkThe liminal space Veteran
Inspired by @lobster's prediction of emminent enlightenment I've decided on my eventual Buddha name. I don't suppose I'll get there this year or even this lifetime but when I do my name will be Tathagata Glorious Soft-Love That Fills All Beings.
I recently had a dream that stuck with me. In it I was in a locker room watching a coach trying to motivate a player by berating him in the style that tough coaches do. While he was doing this I had a sense and vision of a sword attacking the player. At some point I interrupted the coach and broke into a moving monologue. I showed the coach a bowl full of glowing pink liquid, it was love mojo, and showed him that he had one too. I then explained that we don't attack our friends with it we use it to fill them up. The coach saw the sense in this and was moved to repent his ways. I don't pretend to have this kind of sense when walking around in my waking life, but I suppose this was my subconscious mind or maybe the mind of the Buddhas expressing itself in a new way to me.
In trying to interpret this dream I compared the coaches method to what seems to often pass for tough love. I feel there is a tendency to just be mean or bullying and hide behind 'tough love' as a defense, really just tough without the love. Growing up the style my parents most often used was tough love but really was just bully parenting.
Tough love originated from helping addicts, seeing that they needed to reap the consequences of their actions in order to want to get out of addiction. I think that this makes sense and if the alternative is to prevent all the suffering that results from their addictive behavior then by all means be tough. For myself though that isn't really tough its wise love, you want the person to get out of addiction and in order to do that they usually need to feel its downside.
I think the distinction as to whether you are giving tough love or just being tough is when you see the toughee suffering from their actions do you feel mad at them for doing the wrong thing or do you feel sad for them for what they are going through and are you there to pick them up when they need it or do give them the 'rub some dirt in it' speech.
I don't really know if any of the above is right or not and I mostly wrote this to get this muse off my mind that's keeping me from getting to sleep. I just know how I was raised and want to do the opposite for others, I'd much rather fill others with my love than attack them with it.
I recently had a dream that stuck with me. In it I was in a locker room watching a coach trying to motivate a player by berating him in the style that tough coaches do. While he was doing this I had a sense and vision of a sword attacking the player. At some point I interrupted the coach and broke into a moving monologue. I showed the coach a bowl full of glowing pink liquid, it was love mojo, and showed him that he had one too. I then explained that we don't attack our friends with it we use it to fill them up. The coach saw the sense in this and was moved to repent his ways. I don't pretend to have this kind of sense when walking around in my waking life, but I suppose this was my subconscious mind or maybe the mind of the Buddhas expressing itself in a new way to me.
In trying to interpret this dream I compared the coaches method to what seems to often pass for tough love. I feel there is a tendency to just be mean or bullying and hide behind 'tough love' as a defense, really just tough without the love. Growing up the style my parents most often used was tough love but really was just bully parenting.
Tough love originated from helping addicts, seeing that they needed to reap the consequences of their actions in order to want to get out of addiction. I think that this makes sense and if the alternative is to prevent all the suffering that results from their addictive behavior then by all means be tough. For myself though that isn't really tough its wise love, you want the person to get out of addiction and in order to do that they usually need to feel its downside.
I think the distinction as to whether you are giving tough love or just being tough is when you see the toughee suffering from their actions do you feel mad at them for doing the wrong thing or do you feel sad for them for what they are going through and are you there to pick them up when they need it or do give them the 'rub some dirt in it' speech.
I don't really know if any of the above is right or not and I mostly wrote this to get this muse off my mind that's keeping me from getting to sleep. I just know how I was raised and want to do the opposite for others, I'd much rather fill others with my love than attack them with it.
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Comments
:wave:
Gratitude for the teaching I received.
There are a couple of my family members that
I now realize....I have been mad at them for doing
the wrong thing. I know I did a bit of dirt rubbing along
the way.... Out of frustration... I couldn't make the
turn into compassion...as far as the mental tool.
This 'coaching' analogy made sense to me.
Re: The article.
My parents didn't bully me...but because they left
me...to start 'another life'...I think I'm bullying them
now. I'm being too tough on them now.
May I show them more understanding and compassion.
May I be able to fill them with love as they approach
their last days. May I be a comfort to them.
May my toughness turn to softness.
May we be able to share the pink liquid with each other.
:bawl:
*wiping my snot away*
Now...as far as your name...will that fit on the standard
'Hello my name is......" sticker tag?
@genkaku In TB there is a distinction between relative and ultimate bodhicitta. They don't make quite the dramatic distinction that Ta Hui does but its an important one for me to remember in relation to this post.
I experience emotional energy in my body, even depression is a feeling. I know it has to do with wanting. My feelings want something to feel good. Buy there is so much confusion and lack of skill and clarity and that makes my body feel bad. If I notice the depressing hurtful has sadness then it feels in my heart like a violin string radiating out from my heart.
I have mentioned this before.
I once woke up depressed for no reason that I could not discern. There it was. This feeling. It felt real. How was its essence different, its independent nature or essence, different from happy?They are both arisings with a physical sensation. If we can discern physical sensation, we can become aware of its emptiness or even temporarily change its label.
It is hard to accept, allow or sit with negativity. Heroic or even masochistic. This is why I would recommend finding the good sensations in the body, mind movies moments etc. They are empty too but bringing the mind to the breath. To the ease . . . well it is easier . . . :wave:
It is like an eventual Buddha name.
person will do
the road? Well, this past week....my tires hit the road. I drove 12
hours to visit my Mother....and the whole experience was different than
ever before.
Because I came from a different place....a different heart...a
different intention than before.
Practice must be working..:)
I listened without judgement, without giving my two cents,
and offered compassion and love with action and support.
She asked me to help her find AA meetings/locations, and
I did. I made sure the cupboards and fridge were full of
food.....and we spent hours on the front porch....just watching
the hummingbirds and talking. She looked like hell spit her out...but I
left feeling so peaceful. No guilt....no regret. I helped and gave all
I could.... I cant clean up her mess for her, but this time,
I felt so different about the whole visit. So grateful that I could
help her in these small ways....no matter how the turn out.
I was in the moments for what they were....not what I wanted them to be.
I felt soft love with and to her. It just came and kept on the
whole time. I didn't have to 'think' about it....I didn't even 'try'.
It was flowing out, and I don't think I could have turned tough
on her if I tried, haha
Confirmation is a wonderful thing.....
Just sharin'......