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How do you develop detachment?
betaboy
Veteran
Detachment seems very important in Buddhism. But how do you develop it? There are so many beautiful, alluring things in this world - it is so easy to get attached to them. In this context, how exactly is detachment possible?
I know the inevitable answer is, it is the middle way, the way of moderation. Not detachment. Fine. Again, the same question. How is that possible when it is easy to get attached to beautiful things? Whether it is detachment or middle way or whatever else you call it, it is all about being free from attachment, isn't it?
So the question remains (even if one tries to evade it by quoting the middle way mantra). How is this freedom to come about when, as if by our very nature, we seem to be attached to a lot of things?
I know the inevitable answer is, it is the middle way, the way of moderation. Not detachment. Fine. Again, the same question. How is that possible when it is easy to get attached to beautiful things? Whether it is detachment or middle way or whatever else you call it, it is all about being free from attachment, isn't it?
So the question remains (even if one tries to evade it by quoting the middle way mantra). How is this freedom to come about when, as if by our very nature, we seem to be attached to a lot of things?
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Comments
Nothing I've learnt about Buddhism has taught me to detach from anything; in fact practicing compassion means I get stuck in and involved; though admittedly I try to do what I consider the 'right thing' and remain detached from the outcome.
And when the Buddha became Enlightened, he didn't go and live out the rest of his days in a forest (even though I think he was tempted); he created a sangha and taught. That's not detachment.
Hopefully someone wiser will come along and help us out with a better answer than mine.
On the other hand, my handbag has a detachable strap. That's very handy.
I think your posts are deliberate twistings of the Dharma but the end result is just folks getting to examine what is true and what is not...So while I am not sure of your real intentions.......I think they do more good than harm.
Attachment is actually the deliberate rejection of everything except what you are attached to.
Spiritual detachment is actually the manifestation of acceptance of everything where no one thing is clung to or pushed away.
Spiritual detachment simply arises naturally in accordance to ones success at not trying to control phenomena.
I'd stop and find a better book, myself....
I thought greed, hatred and delusion were the roots of attachment (with a bit of pride and jealousy thrown in)? I just can't make sense of all these instructions to detach them, they're just a confusing mess of thoughts, there's no strap and nothing that looks like a an easy release clip...?
Mettha
Kids are a great example. It's pretty hard to not be attached to your kids. But you have to let go of control and fear. We worry about them as adults because we know a different world than them, and as a result we project our fears onto them and try to direct them into a different decision because of *our* experience even though they come from a different set of causes and conditions. So while I love my children and I try to do my best to help them learn skills and resources I have to let go of controlling their outcome. I can't force them to care about their grades so I have to let go of that. Natural consequences tend to be much better than any lecture from me. So I'm not really detached from them, I just try hard to not attach my fears and expectations and to not exert control over them because of those things.
With material items, I find that practicing waiting 48 hours before I decide to get something helps me let go. Last night I was perusing web pages and was highly in desire of a particular puzzle and a new mala. I even made an argument that it was better to spend money on those items than, say candy or a movie. But because of my rule to wait, I didn't buy them and today I have let go of that desire. Most things like that go away, as someone said, impermanence. No matter how much you want something, that desire will go away. Practice, IMO, makes it easier to do that.
Long answer: Traditionally dispassion arises strictly from insight into the three marks: impermanence, non-self and suffering. Really you know you have the insight if there is dispassion that naturally arises, which leads then to the cessation of that specific clinging. And the freedom from that is peace and freedom.
So in a very practical sense you retrain your mind and body to tune into how suffering arises and how you can alleviate it. Sometimes we are dispassionate without insight and that can help, but it doesn't necessary link the insight with the action of dispassion leading to cessation.
This because there is no clear equivalent in modern language and/or because they refer to phenomena that are not part of daily experience..
One such is the word upeksha ( Sanskrit ) or upekkha ( Pali ). If we dig down into the meaning they do not translate as detachment. The nearest translation is 'equanimity '.
It is a mindset that sees all phenomena that arise with neither overwhelming attraction nor aversion. This is not detachment, it is a positive mindset which rests in bare attention and awareness. It actually aids decision making and engagement with the world.
The answer is by recognizing the middle way. In this scenario, it isn't really moderation but calm abiding. Not to cling but not to push away. Letting go without throwing.
Mara won't be beaten into submission but he won't go quietly either.
When you see beauty, see it as just "beauty" or see it as a perception of beauty. Just as when you meditate you think of thoughts as just thoughts and not adding me, my, mine or I to our thoughts.
I'm lazy, if I could start with contentment, I'd just stay there; all contented like.
I'm in A.A. and it teaches that developing a mind of gratitude is really important on the spiritual path (probably because sober alkies are a negative bunch of gimps).
Why would you? All those wonderful and terrible emotive arisings grabbing your being.
'Give us this day our daily craving', I believe is part of The Lord's Prayer? Maybe not all so wonderful?
So how do we attend to the arisings without being overwhelmed? Attention, attention, attention? Or perhaps something simpler?
Meditate on suffering for attachment to pleasure.
Meditate on love for attachment to peace
That IS the dharma according to the Jewel Ornament of Liberation which is THE text for the Lam Rim (gradual path) in Kagyu sect of Tibetan Buddhism.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/williambla150149.html#wDv5TIfxlg8oClrA.99
Quote of the week.
(Dis - a Latin prefix meaning “apart,” “asunder,” “away,” “utterly,” or having a privative, negative, or reversing force)
Please define your detachment - is it indifference (aloofness), disinterest, disengagement or disconnection.
Mettha
And another: "What is, is."
We cannot change reality to suit ourselves, really. You, as you age, will learn to be more enjoying things for what they are and noting that you yourself are dynamic and suit yourself to the situation as best as you can, or you will be unhappy for your lifetime.
Perspective: I am over 60 years old, and more and more I have learned to go with the flow in the sense of accepting to a degree what I cannot change.
You are enjoying your thoughts and beliefs ABOUT sunsets. Then you notice the actual sunset is starting to fade and you feel sad, displeased, grasping start's to take hold and you cling to your concepts and thoughts about how it should be, feel and look, and in that very moment you become attached, struggling to accept the new reality.
The problem isn't beautiful things in life fading away, it's your thoughts and inner experience which can colour your moments in a way that will lead to attachment, IME regular practice of mindfulness really helps in getting unstuck.
Hope this helps