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How did you go about getting old?
banned_crab
Veteran
Im finally going to be considered old tomorow. I wont even have the motivation to be cool or have fun. Ill just be an old guy who should be doing other things. I always wondered why people became so boring over time and now I finally understand it. When your old you just dont want to be anything anymore and all your dreams are gone. I thought looking young would help me feel less old but itl probably just make things worst.
How did you go about being old?
2
Comments
There used to be an old joke:
Q. How do you catch a rabbit.
A. Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a carrot.
what do you consider 'old'? I'm of the 'you're only as old as you feel' way of thinking
Well I almost hate to ask how old 'finally considered old' is but you did pick an interesting day to ask the question as I turned 49 yo today. I'm not sure that all my dreams are gone - but most of them are. Fulfill enough dreams and I realized that the payoff wasn't as grand as I thought it would be.
You will know you are getting old when you find the old folks are far less boring than the young.
@heyimacrab You're going to be considered old tomorrow? You mean there's an age where you suddenly go from "not old" to "old"? Seems strange to me. I gave up being young or old years ago; I don't worry age anymore, it's just a number. How you feel is probably infinitely more important than how many times the Earth has fully rotated around the Sun while you've been alive, or what other people think.
I feel like the age I am entering is an age were people expect much out of you. I cant have the excuse of being a kid anymore.
@heyimacrab So you're not talking about getting old, you're talking about growing up and having grown-up responsibilities. Moving from being considered a juvenile to being considered an "adult". That's another question... because that's really an arbitrary demarcation line that society has drawn, and there really are expectations put upon you at that time (if not by your parents, by society-at-large).
The best thing to do is focus on what you want; how you want to live, what kind of future you want to have. Get at least a loose plan for your life moving forward, even if you have to spend some time (maybe a lot of time) working toward those goals. If you're going to be heading off to college or anything like that, I'm sure you'll already have some plans.
Is there anything specifically that you're having trouble with? Vague answers to vague questions will leave you with a vague feeling of dissatisfaction. You don't have to be uber-specific, but some details would help.
There does seem to come a time when you look around and suddenly realize "I guess I'm an adult now". I suppose it comes at a different time for everyone and maybe never for some.
Like @AldrisTorvalds said, its really more about taking on responsibilities as a part of the life you want to live. As to how to do it, you just kind of figure it out as you go I guess. Thankfully it usually doesn't come all at once.
When you're young you can imagine all the great things you can do and be, as you enter the world you get to actually do them. So from one angle you might not want to be something anymore because you are actually something now.
Getting old, seems to me, to be a time when things start to catch up to you. It's what happens when you spend too much time living for tomorrow or the next best thing and suddenly realize how much time you spent doing that.
I don't pay much attention to my actual age. So little that 2 years ago, I went around thinking I was a year older than I actually was, for almost the entire year! Age doesn't really mean much to me.
But I've never been that much a person who lives in the future, either. I was never a big dreamer, never had a ton of bucket list items I wanted to do and watched as they faded away. Having a family was my one and only bucket list item, and as my first son was born was I had just turned 21, I've been living my dream most of my entire adult life. Even if I suddenly had all the money and free time in the world, I wouldn't be doing much more than I am now. Reading, meditating, gardening, walking, and so on. Well, waiting to garden. We are still 8 weeks from putting plants in the ground here, lol. I just never had a dream career, a dream travel plan,a dream house, or anything like that. So I don't feel like I'm missing, or losing, anything.
My dad just turned 62, and he is over the moon happy because he can finally draw social security, LOL. He retired at 49, and while he'd never change it for anything, financially it's been a challenge sometimes.
I didn't stop breathing.
@yagr - happy birthday! For me, growing older requires almost no effort, it just kind of happens ;-) seriously though, life and my practice are both ongoing projects of letting go of everything... My hairline, my back, my libido, my teeth... I'm no oil painting, but I dont grieve these losses either... The teaching of the five Skandhas may be worth looking at... And gratitude for small pleasures, a cool breeze etc...
Big love, happy ageing ;-) xx
@Heyiamacrab - great question BTW :-) I am always too shy to ask those much older than I... My Dad is 72, still does 100 push-ups in the morning and 100 situps... he's done it for 60 years... The war generation (or the children of the 40's) are hard as nails, lol! He just says "Im a bit more tired, and I can't get out of a bean-bag unassisted any more"... ;-)
When I was 23 I bought some land and started building. At 51 the place went to my ex in the property division.
I'll be 59 in a couple of months. The work is started on a workshop on my property. Hopefully I can start a new house after it's done. I've got 20 or 30 years left. No shortage of ideas for staying busy.
I had more energy when I was young, but I needed it because doing things is harder the first time.
It would be nice to have the youthful energy, maybe even the looks, but not for the reasons they mattered when I was younger. As for my youthful mindset, I'd rather go down a sandpaper slide with rubbing alcohol than endure that again! All in all, the sags and wrinkles are a small price to pay.
Dreams are overrated. People who appreciate where they are now, work with what they have, and value their experiences get more of my respect than lofty-minded folk who always look misty-eyed towards "Someday..."
For those of us born yesterday, tomorrow is no guarantee.
Yeah the only positive is that I sort of care less of what people think of me. I no longer have the motivation to be cool. Now maybe I can finally stop desire and stop suffering.
It is cool to be old these days. Look at Keith Richards.
I'll be 57 next week which means I've graduated from middle age and am officially an Oldie. I could run a bath and put the single bar heater in it, but what the hell, I've lasted this long I may as well keep on keeping on and see how many more people I can piss off in the time I have left.
I let time take care of it...The countdown blonde makes me proud to
be a dirty oldman,,,If only I could remember what to do....
slainte
Every day you are granted to see brings with it the possibility to see any of your dreams attained. It's up to you.
When you're young, you think old age is something that happens to everyone else. When you attain a certain age you learn to be happy, or at least contented, with what you have.
The here and now are unfortunately vastly underrated. It's oldish thoughts that make you old.
Its not that I feel old guys. I just feel like I have responsibities now. Being 40+ woulda been better because nobody would care about me anymore. But Im turning 20, so people will expect things from me.
Welcome to the Old Codger Club, where getting up from meditation requires grunts, cracking knees, and something handy to grab hold of. Where you spend ten minutes looking for your glasses but then forget where you left your car keys while you were looking for the glasses.
I recently called my wife on my cellphone from the car to tell her I forgot my cellphone and had to turn around and drive back home.
Every song I love is found only on classic and golden oldie stations and most of the bands are long retired.
A young tech needs to move a bunch of heavy computers on the other side of the state next week, and I offered to drive over and help him, and a few emails later I realized he was politely telling me that it would be better if a younger guy drove over to help him do the grunt work.
Codgerville. On the other hand, I get discounts in lots of restaurants and buying movie tickets and such. I can smile at a pretty lady on the street and she smiles back instead of frowning, secure in knowing I'm not going to hit on her and only admiring the view.
Yes, I'm old and getting older. Beats the heck out of the alternative, doesn't it?
Ahh yes. I remember when my kids were 20. Seems like yesterday.
Don't worry what other expect of you. If you live out of your practice, what can they really have to complain about? I always really disliked when people had expectations of me. I still do. It's part of the reason I had a family so young, because I knew it would make me more independent and then everyone could stop expecting things from me. It worked, lol, but I wouldn't recommend it for everyone
I have been determined since I was young to do things my way, and I'm still pretty much the same. I'm just more skillful (usually) at telling people no and prioritizing other people's demands.
My oldest son is 17. I certainly cannot think of any reason why all of a sudden I would have expectations of him at 20. What do you think is so important about that age that people will suddenly expect more of you? Most "kids" don't actually truly become adults until closer to their mid 20s. So there is really nothing magical about 20 where other people should suddenly start saying things like "Well, you are 20 now, we expect much more of you." In my experience, expectations really get piled on that last year of high school and the beginning of college (if one goes) and then when you get married/have kids. But then, the expectations aren't from your parents, they are from your partner and children.
At age 66 its great to belong to two very fine clubs. Cinorjer has already mentioned the Old Codger Club. Another fine club is the Old Fart Club. Many advantages and lots of fun.
The way we mark time around here is:
first quarter - 0-20: childhood
second quarter - 21-40: young man/woman
third quarter - 41-60: middle age
fourth quarter - 61-80: old age
overtime - 81+
Which makes you middle aged. Don't think about it - just go with it.
Come now, if 57 is middle aged I'd have live till 114, which doesn't seem likely.
@poptart - the middle ages ended in the fifteenth century and yet, we didn't have to wait till the 30th century to call it such. But yeah, clearly you missed the part where I said, "Don't think about it - just go with it.
"
Seriously though, it is sort of middle adulthood. When I was in school (math geek alert) I decided that 0-20 was like pre-calculus...followed by Calc 1, Calc 2, and Calc 3. See that Calc 2 right in the middle? Yup. I just figured we had more sports fans than math geeks here so I went with the sports analogy. Here's hoping you either make it to overtime or differential equations.
IMO, when you get older and have more life experiences, that's when people sort of automatically become cool. Accumulating wisdom and stories about life is way more cool than having a variety of snapback caps and high-top Nikes (unless there's a great story behind that). That's why I like working with the elderly - they've got a wealth of life behind them that makes them so interesting to be around.
Is that a bad thing? Look at it this way... you'll get a chance to prove to people around you what kind of person you are. Hopefully, this will reflect the spiritual training you've undertaken as a Buddhist.
It's good that you're starting to feel like an adult. It's time to actually be one. Have fun once in a while, but keep your eyes on the road.
What is expected of you?
This is one of the most ridiculous discussions I've ever come across.
I'm sorry, but the topic is laughable.
I hit 57 on the 4th of April.
I most certainly am NOT old, by any stretchy of the imagination.
You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
:mad:
To be honest, if I didn't know better, I'd consider this trolling.
Each year I get older, I'm grateful that I've lived that long. This year my birthday will be celebrated very gratefully.
"Old" gets kinda old kinda fast. Everyone has a different way of achieving/being old. For some, it's wider perspective. For others, it's greater rigidity. Old is weaker in some regards and stronger in others .... blah, blah, blah.
The best (sort of) definition I ever heard came from the obituary of a woman who had died at 93. In the obit, she was quoted as saying to a group of elderly people, "If, after the age of 65, you wake up in the morning without any aches or pains, you will know you are dead."
Guy goes in for a physical. The doctor says, "You're in amazing shape for a 40 year old."
The guy says "Did I say I was 40? I'm 61."
The doctor says, "That's amazing! How old was your father when he died?"
The guy says, "Did I say my dad was dead? He's 80 and doing great."
The doctor then says, "Incredible! How old was your grandfather when he passed?"
The guy says, "Did I say my grandfather was dead? He's 101 years old and doing great. In fact, he's marrying a 24 year old woman next week."
The doctor asks, "What does a guy that's 85 want to get married to a 24 year old?"
The guy says, "Did I say he WANTED to get married?"
Now that you are old and mature enough to meditate for longer than theoretical, perhaps eternity in a moment will become apparent. Doubling our meditation time certainly makes us more aware of time during and after . . .