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Do you "still" have problems with anger, frustration, intolerance and other nasty defilements ?
Shoshin
No one in particularNowhere Special Veteran
Kia Ora,
Simple question but I'm guessing the answers will be more than simple...(And please no text book answers)
Metta Shoshin 
2
Comments
Kia Ora,
An after thought.........
I should also add, what techniques do you apply to stop the defilement from taking a firm grip... So I guess a text book answer is ok...
Metta Shoshin
of course. I use the noticing and letting go of value.
No, but then, I never really did have; although born, raised and pretty much fed a constant diet of Catholicism, I was habitually aware of being a 'watcher'... As if on the sidelines, observing, even while being a participant...
So when I came across Buddhism, I felt I'd come home.
Practise makes perfect; it's the remembered implementation of what I learn that keeps me on an even keel...
Yes, but far less than I used to have. I can tell it's rising and can usually identify the cause and let it go before I react. Meditation is what allows me to slow everything down so that I can investigate what arises before I speak or otherwise react. I also practice Lojong which helps me to keep in mind easy to remember slogans to help deal with a variety of situations.
I said some things the other day that, upon immediate reflection, I wish I hadn't. There was a complete lack of mindfulness... the words just came out, and half-angrily at that. It's very helpful to recognize and try not to repeat.
Not much. Yesterday I yelled at a long boarder who was cruising across a busy street. I wasn't angry, though.
Still have them but my reaction is much more tempered so to speak. That reaction to these things depends on how well I apply the 12 steps of the program I am a part of, one of which , for me, involves mindfulness practice. I try not to judge these feelings either as invalid or wrong -something Ive done in the past- which seems to exacerbate them -turn them into bigger problems, cultivate them instead of allowing them to be and dissipate on their own accord.
Once again JKZ has helped me a lot with my with anger. Here's a excerpt I really like from "Where ever you go ,There you are"
"So, if you practice purposefully expanding the context of the anger (yours or someone else's) right in those very moments that it is arising and peaking, knowing that there must be something larger and more fundamental that you are forgetting in the heat of the emotion, then you can touch an awareness inside yourself which is not attached to or invested in the anger-fire. Awareness sees the anger; it knows thedepth of the anger; and it is larger than the anger. It can therefore hold the anger the way a pot contains food. The pot of awareness helps us cradle the anger and see that it may be producing more harmful effects than beneficial ones, even if that is not our aim. In this way, it helps us cook the anger, digest the anger, so that we can use it effectively, and, in changing from an automatic reacting to a conscious responding, perhaps move beyond it altogether."
Bob
On much rarer occasions now.
Yes. These days I can be quite low on patience, it ebbs and flows though you know. I need to meditate more and keep reminding myself that a lot of what winds me up, really isn't worth worrying about too much. And it certainly isn't worth having my energy drained for... easy to say, difficult to do (as is often the case)... I used to be much more patient when I was younger, too patient really. So I think I've gone from one extreme to the other and missed out the middle (ideal?) section! And now I'm looking for it!
Yes.
List could take from here to infinity.
This is an important question IMO, experiencing our virtues as defilements is part of the meaning of 'killing the Buddha'.
Once we realise that we are as we express, be and behave, unless acting, teaching or trying to impress our cushion, compassion arises.
As others mention, practice unravels our string, lengthens our fuse, diffuses our karmic bomb and bonds.
See what the anger is a response to. Anger comes when we can't see the way through obstacles. When we notice what values the anger comes from we are less likely to lash out and more likely to get creative and problem solve. Anger is always a no to something. And there is always a 'yes' to something else. For example their could be a 'yes' to being understood and a 'no' to being misunderstood. Until we see the values we are dealing with we might lash out in a way that doesn't help our goals. When anger is transformed underneath it is clarity, but when we are actually angry that doesn't seem true. How strange, huh?
Yes. I'm happy to say some of those nasty defilements don't 'happen' anymore, and the plenty that do, to a degree, are lesser creatures than they were.
What I see now as defilements or impurities are things I didn't know WERE such. I have a suspicion more of those will appear, things I didn't realize were defilements before.
There are things I do not have to work very hard, if at all on. I don't have to work hard to be kind or compassionate in most ways, or to say or do abusive things that cause suffering in others. I'm not near as insensitive toward myself as I was.
Anger (the smouldering kind) persists, in that erupts because I am not mindful of it when it begins. I don't lash out at others, I prefer to hurt myself, but this too is a work in progress that continues to improve.
Fearfulness, worry, anxiety, avoidance and denial; more works in progress, and this is where I suspect I have yet to be aware or mindful of just how extensive they are.
Arrogance and superiority (the quiet but deadly kind) figure in too. This is one of those things a normally easy going person can 'miss' in their self inventory. I don't shove it in people's faces, oh no, I just silently gloat while I do the comparisons. Blech. Who me, such the niiiiccccce person, be arrogant and judgmental?
How I realize I make myself and other suffer with this is how strongly I react to those who are more forward with their displays of inflated self image. I also react similarly to people who 'seem' to do the opposite, the overly syruppy piousness. Eeeehhch.
Yeah, so in ways I am aware of and in ways yet to be aware of, I still have plenty of that kind of stuff.
Defiled, but not a picnic crasher.
Anger, not as much. I used to have lots of fairly scary outbursts, but those have pretty much ceased. There's kind of a lingering annoyance I get now rather than anger.
I'm still fairly critical/judgmental of others though.
In all seriousness, one thing that has immeasurably helped me in the controlling and quelling of negative emotions has been - Moderating on this forum.
It has taught me so much about separating emotional responses from the logic required to deal with issues and incidents and has proven an excellent 'job' in that it has also helped me enormously to put things into perspective.
I have all my fellow members to thank for being such wonderful teachers.
In Dzogchen those are not seen as 'defilements'...how can the Unborn, Unmade and Unmanifest ever be defiled ?
They are seen as fuel.
One notion that has stayed with me, and that comes in handy on occasions when I feel I'm about to pounce into an unskilful reaction, is Paul Ekman's "Increasing the gap between impulse and action" (or as he clarified later, "between the spark and the flame")
Experience has taught me that what I believe to be the trigger to my reaction is usually not the real trigger, and that my analysis of the situation might therefore be slanted and biased. It is not the other person's nasty comment, it is not the traffic jam when you're in a hurry, it is not my son wearing that ugly old t-shirt he knows you dislike...
So I strive to stay grounded in the present moment, fight the automatic fight-or-flight responses that begin to curse through my body with some deep breathing, and step back as much as I can from the situation to be able to trace back the real reason behind the strong emotion and the negative thought.
If I conclude that my reaction will be out of proportion with the situation and that I'll regret remembering all about it an hour later (it is usually "yes" to both) then I remove myself from the situation on the spot until I cool off.
Of course, it is easier said than done, but it works most of the time.
Besides, I really want to live up to my conception of Buddhism, and as Ajahn Sumedho well put it:
The whole aim of the Buddhist teaching is to develop the reflective mind in order to let go of delusions.
Excellent, @dharmamom. Thank you.
I like the story of the monk whose master certified his enlightenment. Word spread through the monastery like wildfire. The other monks gathered around the lucky fellow and one asked, "So, what is it like? Have all your problems been washed away?" And the 'enlightened' monk replied, "Nope. Same old problems."
God, I hate when people ask me this invasive and insulting question... I've been studying and doing my best practice for over 20 years so you better bet your last dollar that I have given up all of the egos defilements.
OOps... Time to start over.
I suck.
I try and shut my mouth and wait fifteen minutes. Generally works for me.
Yes...... I still have these problems.
I have never met anyone who did'nt.
The love, support and understanding of friends and loved ones is of the most benefit to me when my displays of anger and intolerance arise. I mostly have violent anger attacks at myself for my clumsiness, forgetfulness or stupidity and if I'm alone I feel so ashamed and embarrassed afterwards but try to forgive myself and promise myself to try to think before I react. I've had friends berate me as being a lunatic and becoming angry at me for my displays which only makes me feel worse, but my good friends try to calm me and offer soothing words and gentle suggestions on how to manage my hair trigger anger, which although still embarrassing, really does help me to try not to react. Ive been trying to employ the 'empty boat' principle for a while now and it helps to not apportion blame to anyone or anything, I just have to catch it in that split second between spilling the coffee and exploding. I think I'm winning, not least because of the gentle advice and help the members of this forum apportion each other.
Namaste
@Shoshin - I echo @Vastmind.
I can recognise my emotions for what they are, but I will still experience them. As will, I suspect, all Buddhists. The degree may vary and the intensity will also be different. I find that the tools the Buddha gave us via his teachings have helped me immensely. And I am still learning. I always will. But we are human. Buddhism is not a cure all for life. You still have to go through it.
In metta.
Kia Ora,
Thus I have heard :
"Practicing the Dharma may not completely eliminate ones neurosis :banghead: - One just becomes more 'aware' of it when it happens !"
Metta Shoshin
Yes, but I don't take them as seriously as I used to and find them easier to let go of.