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Are you objective about yourself?
lobster
Crusty Veteran
Being objective about ourselves is hard. It is why we have teachers and good company. Perhaps we want to hear that we have a chance, are making progress and are [insert preference].
As we know, listening and discerning our hypocrisy, limitations, hindrances and need for reinforcement is something Mr Cushion confronts.
What ensures we are genuine, discerning and on the path?
For me it is very simple, I view myself as just another person . . .
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Comments
I think I actually consider "what would other people say?" Not in a "think of the neighbours " way, but as Rabbie Burns put it, "O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us! "
I think if we could know precisely how our words and deeds affected others, we would put more considerate thought into them..
As part of a 12th step program I have a "sponsor"...A guide though the steps and someone I trust to "bounce things off of" to check my objectivity. Also a home group, Sangha so to speak with liked minded individuals of which I have a network within I can share intimate stuff with. Going it alone can be fatal in my situation!
Going it alone can be fatal in any situation! We all need an intimate circle of people who mean us well, and who can provide some useful insight into sides to us (and reality, by extension) that lie hidden from the radar of our pseudo-objectivity.
@lobster, you say "It's very simple: I view myself as just another person"
Simple it is not. Takes right effort, right view, right concentration. Mindful putting all that theory into practice, in a nutshell.
After treading a long while down the path of life, I believe there is some truth to the old adagio that "what bothers you most in others, is a shortcoming you have yourself." Or have had or might have one day, as it is.
With the acknowledgment of the interconnection of shortcomings with others, we can allow for feelings of empathy and compassion to arise.
"My condolences to you for being as imperfect as I am," instead of "I soo know better."
The idea that we are masters of our own fate comes with western conditioning.
Whether we consider the biological, or the social, or the psychological dimension it is clearly a fantasy.
Taking responsibility in Buddhism means acknowleging ones total lack of independence.
@lobster -- "Another person" -- how's that workin' out for you?
@Citta -- Are you suggesting that "eastern" conditioning is significantly different?
m m m . . . you know how easy it is to see others splinters, missing our logs . . . ?
If we apply the splinter viewing capacity on ourself as if just another person . . . the logs become apparent. Hope that makes a little more sense . . . :wave: . . .
I am ' insightfuling ' the post, not the smilie.
I am laughing at the pedant not the [insert arising]
Wait . . . too much information?
I just hate that little wavin', head tiltin' *******.
I know in the past I haven't been objective about myself at all - and it exploded spectacularly in my face. I've tried to be much more objective about myself in the last 12 months. It's hard, and having to face up to some home truths has made me feel like shite at times. But, I think it's a good thing to come face to face with your flaws. Well, it is for me. It's keeping it real.
It is easy for me to accept my flaws but impossible for me to fully recognize them. One cannot be objective in examining themselves. What do we have to compare ourselves to but our own experience? We need others for this comparison.
I would say that one can be objective by looking past emotions if that is what you are referring to...
It's not easy to be self-critical when people enjoy it as a pastime to be other-critical. Hard enough to influence or convince one person, almost impossible to change a whole group.
A strong conviction in the teachings will help.
Most of us know and even imagine what is wrong with us. Nothing is "wrong" with us; just some behaviors we need to adjust or eliminate. It is so important to love who we are and be confident in the good things about ourselves and our behaviors that merit our own approval. I have talked with someone who said he was a self loather. It got me thinking. There is only one person who we can always be with and always love and that is our self. So don't pick at yourself with dislike. Just embrace your self and make changes with confidence.
Buddhism helps.
I find a lot of people who are other-critical are overly critical of self.
You're right, but as long as one takes heed before one acts, its not so bad.
There are so many "guides" that we can choose from. It is so important that we are first, "conscious" and then find a message that makes sense to us. I personally use the 10 Commandments for my moral compass and my spiritual fuel; and then use the Buddhist path for direction and wisdom. So I have a "reference" for my behavior and my imagination is not limited. I am lucky I found Buddhism when I did. I am very satisfied.
You really mean 9 commandments...?
No, I was raised with One and One is what I feel. For me both exist. Look at the stars.
Thanks guys,
Self loathing, self delusion, self promotion. Me, me, me, selfies. Something dependent on arising circumstances. BS in ourselves and equally superficial in others.
What of the unborn, the face before we are born, the non arising . . . can we reside and discern in this objective far shore? What are we like if doing so? Objective? Enlightened? The shadow of a tree?
Nice pic. Is that your shadow?
thank god it's not a pillow
Consider it yours . . .
:wave: . . .
Being objective about anything simply describes what meditation is. The phenomena that we habitually manipulate for identities cause is all that prevents us from being objective.
The degree to which one is able to stop fiddling around with phenomena is the degree to which one can be truly objective about whatever you observe.
The degree to which one is unable to stop fiddling around with that phenomena is the degree to which one is unable to be objective about whatever you observe.
I read somewhere that the Dalai Lama was once astonished when he was introduced to notions such as "self-loathing" or "low self-esteem."
Apparently, there are no equivalents in the Tibetan language, because the fact of being born under a human form is already enough reason to rejoice. If we consider the dozens of unskillful conditions enumerated in the psychological system of Abbidhamma, it sets one thinking.
And the paradox is of course that low self esteem is not the result of thinking too little about oneself, but thinking about oneself too often.
Yes, and it's no accident that the metta bhavana practice usually starts with oneself.
Awesome picture @lobster!
My @lobster, what a big... claw you have
....
It is good for me to think about myself often as I am a part of interaction in this world. It is more about placing a value on things I think about and then comparing that value to others.
We have no value; we just are.
If we don't think about ourselves, we will not know or change ourselves.
Stop belittling yourself, without you there is no me or them... No value?, What is value, and who determines what value someone or something has?
Value is an illusion. Those who partake in the illusion assign values to everyone. It is impossible to belittle myself. I am what I am. there is nothing to be great or small. That is but the illusion.
Not having confidence in ourselves happens for many reasons. Having confidence in who we are (if we don't have it) is a decision which has solutions. The Buddhist teachings and meditation are the most beautiful, fun, serious and wisest way to learn to love the self and others.
I actually had reason to put this into practice this morning.
I was trying to find my way through the maze of automated telephone responses from an Australian government agency which shall remain unnamed.
After 5 minutes the line just went dead meaning I'd have to call again. Oh the frustration!!!
Then I thought "if this were happening to the person I sit next to at work would I think it were such a big deal? I mean, 5 minutes wasted on the phone? So what......"
Then I was able to calm down, call again and ended up speaking to someone who was able to help me.
No reason to get all wound up! Just breathe and move on......
Indeed.
I was coming down the stairs and bumped my head - lack of mindfulness. I clenched my whole body in fury and swore. Tantrum done and over in a few seconds.
http://yinyana.tumblr.com/day/2012/12/06
I am on a solitary YinYana retreat (yep we are allowed internet and swearing). On a Buddhist formal retreat, I would be inclined to internalise the process.
In RL (real life) we are constantly presented with opportunities to . . . just breathe and move on . . .
Failure is an option, ideally not an indulgence.