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Anger
gottzi
Essex, UK New
I find myself, at times, getting angry st even th slightest thing.
I try my best not to let it happen but I struggle to keep my cool
I know I should try to be less angry, how can I do this, is recognising that I am angry a start to preventing future anger?
With Metta
David
1
Comments
G'day @gottzi - nice to meet you.
Recognition is good. That's a start.
Have a read through the section on anger on the page below. Particularly the antidotes. I have found them helpful in dealing with my anger at times.
http://thubtenchodron.org/2005/06/cultivating-mental-peace/
Good luck!
you will become what you practice. If you can focus on having love and compassion toward everything in front of you, then I think naturally anger won't arise so easily since it will be sort of second nature to respond with love/compassion. It may just be a matter of changing mental anger habit reactions to love habit reactions. Mentally try to see that you love things. See the suffering and desire for happiness in others and in yourself.
Good link and info @Bunks
Too advanced for me. I need a punch bag
http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx
Hi gottzi
The best temporary antidote I have found is daily 'spiritual' exercise, tai chi or yoga ideally and meditation practice. That and attending to the breath.
Try getting angry AND smile.
Noticing that you are angry is really good. Is the part that notices the anger also angry? Or no? Is the anger thought part separable from the physicality (body part) of the anger?
Yes. Recognizing you are angry can put a halt to the current impulse and actually help train your mind to recognize it earlier next time.
When doing sitting meditation, recognizing that we're getting carried away in thought helps us to stay focused. Same thing kinda, sorta.
Don't get discouraged when you recognize it more often than it seems like you should. That means it is working and you just have to keep at it.
Recognize it.
Meditate.
Repeat.
This will be all you need. Repetition over time is powerful. Slow, but effective. You can get results faster, but not better.
Thanks all, I find once I am angry at 1 thing then it makes me more angry at being angry and it spirals into more anger.
I know I should not feel anger but can't control it.
David
Time.
Patience.
Nature builds great galaxies, but not in a day.
Enfuriating ain't it?
What's the plan?
This seems like the best course of action, but does it work?
David
Could your anger be due to stress? I mean continuous low level stress, which is probably the most devastating form of stress? If so, relaxing could help.
Well, I for one have had anger issues. In fact looking for a solution to that was what made me find Buddhism.
What has worked great for me is to stay mindful throughout the day. When anger begins to arise, I notice it and leave it. Every damn time I make a decision to not follow the anger. I speak, think and move in a slow and deliberate way to not loose control. Weigh every word - "I want to say this, could there be another way to say it or another view point besides my instinctual one?". It makes you pause, since you have to think all the time, which in itself alleviates the anger.
The hard part is staying mindful every day. I can't do it. I get lax. I get out of my practice and I get more anger again. The good part is, that my temper is much more under control than it was before, even when I loose focus.
I think you should definitely give it a try.
For me it is most definitely. I am easily stressed but also easily relaxed through meditation and exercise.
I will definitely try this, this is the sort of thing I have already been trying anyway so I feckon I'll have to persevere and find new ways to keep mindful.
With Metta
David
My view: It doesn't do a lot of good to wonder what's making you angry because once you 'know', it doesn't change much of anything. If you want to see a humorous schematic of how people's emotions work, watch the Disney movie, Inside Out. I've only watched it five times already.
Anger is a normal human emotion it is as normal as sadness, fear, joy, or laughter. But in our society any display of negative emotion, especially anger, is unacceptable. Most of us suppress anger, or try to. Sometimes we become so good at suppressing anger that we no longer recognize anger in ourselves. Recognizing your anger is a good first step. Breathe through it. It is all part of the path.
This guy could have told us something about anger:
Shaman of Tibet: Milarepa-From Anger to Enlightenment 1040-1143 A.D. Paperback – 1994
As others said, recognizing your anger as it arises is the vital first step, so well done!
Once you recognize your anger ...
Count your next 3 breaths. Just normal breaths.
Remember that your mind is like a blue sky and your anger is simply a dark cloud passing.
Now bring curiosity to the anger cloud. What caused it? Wonder to yourself, why did that arise? If you are alone, talking to yourself is highly encouraged.
By now you should already be feeling a little more calm.
Now, if you can, try to "zoom out" from yourself, up and up and up, through that blue sky and right into space. And then look back down, and consider yourself, and the thing you are angry about, and you will probably see that, in the big scheme of things, whatever it is, is really not that important and not worth holding onto it.
Can you now laugh about it? If so, great, laugh away!!!
If you can't laugh yet, that's OK. Try bringing some love to yourself. Think of 3 people who love you, or 3 things that make you happy, or 3 things you are grateful for.
Rinse and repeat.
Still angry? No problem. Anger is part of life. You don't have to be guilty about your anger. Sometimes, it is actually really helpful. It can motivate us to change things in our life that need changing. An abusive relationship, a political injustice, or just something that really pisses you off. All of these are completely valid reasons to be angry. I am pretty sure that even the Dalai Lama gets angry sometimes. So don't be too hard on yourself.
And lastly ... if the cause of your anger is persistent, and let's say it is actually caused by another person ... then ask for help. Talk to that person, if you can. Talking can help many problems. If you can't talk to them, talk to someone else.
Hope that helps.
Namaste
Realize that anger is not under your control. You just can't prevent it by saying to yourself, "Don't be angry".
What you can do is not get caught by it. Learn to acknowledge its presence and be patient with it. Anger is just a visitor. It is only when we become engaged with the thoughts that come with it that stops anger from leaving.
The only sure way to deal with anger is to be mindful... By becoming mindful of thoughts words and deeds one can nip this Energy in Motion in the bud, before it has a chance to develop into anger...This Energy in Motion can then be channelled into something more positive (like laughing at one's ignorance) ...However, if the stable/sense door is left unattended the horse/s will bolt/stampede, then one must take stock of the damage and the repair costs....
Embrace all your emotions because theres no way you can divorce them from yourself.
If we were in a constant state of being emotional, we'd have a nervous breakdown.
You embrace them long enough to acknowledge them, honor them, then let them go.
I don't have sufficient compassion or skill to be that attentive at all times. I remember not being attentive in a situation where I was being 'taught' in a spiritual community. Due to this the 'teacher', a good person, had an anger breakdown and had to be replaced by the head of the order. I had to spend the rest of the teaching retreat in total attention. Pah! No rest for the wicked.
Mind states are effected by our non attention and our own arisings both in ourself and others. This is why the presence of genuine teachers is healing and calming and will effect us positively. False teachers are nothing but unresolved excitement, agitation and disruption that may take years to be understood and assimulated. Quite often one is alienated or lost to the path by such scoundrels.
People are naturally attracted to such false dharma clowns because this accords with their nature and they prefer this to the real work ... The most dangerous and insiduous examples are those with some partial development potential and rogue nature. This is why the attention to the 'first wheel of dharma', ourselves, is so critical. [too harsh - ah well - no Pureland entry for cructaceans ...]
In a similar way the genuinely spiritual for want of a better word, may conceal their inner knowing by presenting a superficial outer persona.
When you hear the speech of the people of the heart,
Don't say they are wrong.
You are not an expert in speech, my dear!
This is where your error is.
http://www.chishti.ru/path-of-blame.htm
... or for the Buddhist version
http://www.khandro.net/practice_8verses.htm
@lobster,
Tis all about one's sincerity and commitment to the path (Oh and not to forget karma)...The "KEY" point is not to beat oneself up when one slips up.. The self that's beaten up will want revenge and sooner or later it will take its sweet revenge...more beating of the poor paradox self....
Me not being a Dharma teacher, I just focus upon the well being of my self, and in order for there to be wellness, this focus must also involves the well being of others( can't do one without the other) ...
So much of what "I" rattle on about, is just the seed rattling and it's possible every now and again (or every Tao & Zen ) a seed will be taken and nurtured by another... that is, they search further a field for a 'real' Dharma teacher who has the fertiliser/the know how to make the seed grow....If a seed is planted that's good and if not that's also good...Karma is karma....
Back to the topic of "anger" ...One can not stop 'thoughts' from rising, (well not for long periods of time) but it's when these thoughts arise then there's the choice of whether or not to "act" on them via words and or deeds....or one could just simply laugh at one's own ignorance tis a better way to channel one's energy....
You are a companion on the Middle Way. There is the teaching.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalyāṇa-mittatā
Anger is reaction to something, your own reactivity in action. Observe how it arises, observe how it ceases, then you will have freedom to control both its arising and its ceasing.
Stub your toe and you will have a choice whether to smile sweetly or to allow anger to possess you - or to choose the middle way and just bellow a couple of choice curses and forget the whole business.
Warning this mantra may contain expletives [edit: removed]
^^^ OM MANI PEME OOOOOWWWWWWWW ME AAAAAAAAAHUM
That sort of thing @Fosdick ?
My part that notices is dumbfounded but thankfully in a kind hearted way. It used to just make it worse until I was able to accept myself as being good enough.
So compassion and metta has a lot to do with it I think as long as we don't exclude ourselves.
Have not watched that one yet. I do know that understanding what watered the seed of anger helped me to recognize the pattern earlier in the process. Often times the pattern is noticed before it starts so the seed never gets watered and anger is actually replaced by joviality.
Hi David, I just came across this article that may provide some clarity on what to look for when training your brain to be more at ease while pursuing that elusive equanimity. Hopefully it will point me in the right direction as well. :-) Best wishes!
http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113412724/the-neuroscience-behind-buddhist-enlightenment-022216/
Many thanks possibilities,
I'll certainly take a look.
With Metta
David
Some time ago anger took its grip on me and almost turned my life for the worst. But luckily everything turned out ok. I've come to realize that the time we spend in education, and the time in actual practice will be put to the test when life hits an unexpected curve. Having no control of that curve like what @Gui 's meme post is saying is correct.
Acceptance, patience, and equanimity will always save the day.
Metta
Very good thread guys. For me very relevant.
In our core persona we may have knots. Anger, anxiety, stress avoidance, happy bunny syndrome, chocolate addiction etc. These can take a great deal of unravelling.
What if anger was a precious jewel ...
Could we befriend our angry person?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leslie-davenport/anger-good-for-us_b_891440.html
"There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.
Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, 'You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there'."
-Unknown
I was often angry for about two years, and it slowly got worse and worse. It was damaging my whole life, and my friends were slowly backing away from me. A friend finally suggested it might be depression expressing as anger and irritation, as is quite common amongst men. So I tried some antidepressants and whaddyaknow, the anger and irritation went away almost completely, and now i can get on with my life, as well as working on a long term solution for the depression. Awesome!
Good point @JamestheGiant good news
For me personally anger is a mask of fear. Just as you say depression may also be a cause.
Emotional arisings are often locked into physical form. So my anger was locked into physical and breathing tension because it was not allowed to arise and mature.
http://www.buddhanet.net/imol/retreat/retreat05.htm
Find out why you are getting angry.