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Pressure to drink alcohol
Carameltail
UK Veteran
I know some people might drink alcohol and thats ok.
But I wondered if anyone had advice in countering the pressures to drink alcohol.
I myself do not want to drink any, because it is unhealthy. It was in the news that no amount of alcohol has health benefits. But also I just don't want to cloud my mind with drugs generally.
I'm generally not one to succumb to others pressure, however when someone says to you directly that alcohol is good drink come try some right now it gets to a point where it's annoying. I know you can avoid people like this to some extent but thats not always possible. Any advice or comments appreciated.
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I've been sober for a couple decades now. I don't have friends that drink but my extended family does and I generally spend a couple weekends with them a year around the campfire. By now they know I don't drink and don't ask me too or pressure me anymore. When they used to ask if I wanted a beer, I would just politely decline. Eventually they got the idea.
I think its important to have the attitude of just not wanting to drink yourself rather than passing any subtle or not so subtle judgement about the decisions of those around you. If you're allowing them to be themselves they will be more likely to allow you to be yourself.
I suppose its easier to make a choice that cuts against the grain of family than it would be friends since family ties are often stronger and you're less likely to be rejected or excluded because you're making a different choice.
I've also found that many people will respect the decision not to drink. If it helps maybe tell a short sentence or two long story of why you don't drink that isn't challenging to them personally. For example, I usually say something like, I didn't handle it well when I drank so I decided to give it up. So don't say alcohol isn't good for you, and it makes you stupid. Make it just about yourself, say something like alcohol doesn't agree with me, I don't really like the effects.
As a positive side effect my 12 year old niece, I assume, having seen my example of not drinking even though all the other adults around her do when socializing said she doesn't want to drink when she gets older. Whether she actually will stick to that or not is another matter but at least it is a possibility for her in her mind.
@person
Thanks, I'll keep that in mind
I tell people that I am allergic to alcohol, that I break out in handcuffs.
Humor goes along way toward disarming people.
I drank my merry way throughout my summer holiday. I had Campari, Prosecco, countless coffees and just once, even an obscenely large Jack Daniels with Chinotto.
That was a 'hang loose and let rip' holiday. I haven't had a holiday for nine years.
I'm back from holiday.
The idea and opportunity to have alcohol isn't an issue. It's not a problem. I said "Yeah, I'd love one!" on holiday, but now, I just don't have one. I am not tempted, and it's really not difficult to stick to soft drinks, or sparkling water with a dash of lemon, lime or orange.
Maybe I'm just one of those people that doesn't 'get it'.... But 'avoiding people' isn't the issue.
Being resolved to not have a drink, is the issue.
I have no problem saying 'No', and meaning it. Nobody's holding a gun to my head, and everything is a choice. It's just a simple question of making the right one.
'No thanks'.
It's actually not that hard.
Is it...?
"No" is actually a complete sentence, @federica is just being generous with the whole 'thanks' bit.
Good for you. Here are some strategies:
http://www.yourlifecounts.org/blog/20-ways-avoid-peer-pressure
Say “No” like you mean it.
Make eye contact, then say “No” forcefully, with authority. The more certain you are in your refusal, the less people will bug you.
Your yes means nothing until you learn how to say no.
???
Courtesy costs nothing....
You can have a drink with friends, no need to drink alcohol - have something else.
I was once asked to conduct an outdoor marriage ceremony with the reception immediately following, and the wine flowed prodigiously. The sweet punch was not a good idea for me either, since I am diabetic, and I ended up drinking water out of a wine bottle. Probably amounts to wrong speech, but it was curiously satisfying.
It helps to have a drink at hand, so that when people offer you some alcoholic beverage you can say “I’m good, I’ve already got a drink” or similar. You kind of become your own drinks provisioner, a secret lurker of fruit juices...
@Carameltail It's very simple, just leave it at "I don't drink." If folks don't understand that. Those folks are ignorant beyond understanding, then you just move on. As for annoyance, that's a choice that you made. Peace
If someone harasses you about it, after you've said "no thanks", politely, and "nah, that's not my thing", leave. Be aware that the people who get defensive if you politely decline are usually alcoholics. They interpret your preference for non-alcoholic drinks as a personal affront, which is weird, but that's the way some people are.
Find new friends. Nearly all of my friends are non-drinkers, and that goes back to college days. You'd be surprised how many non-drinkers there are out there. If you're at a party where alcohol is served, get a glass of something, anything, just to be holding a glass. Put ice cubes in it, so it imitates and alcoholic drink, and probably no one will bother you. IDK why anyone would bother you anyway, but some people are like that.
Sometimes I'll have a drink, other times I don't, but never more than a couple and never against my own will or better judgement.
Driving is a great 'get out' from drinking. Family parties and some social events I just drive to and that means I can't drink no matter what people might suggest.
If you put yourself in a position where peer pressure is making you do something you don't want to then you need to ask yourself how you let that happen and what you can do to stop it happening again. You shouldn't allow yourself to get in a situation where other people are dictating things that affect your health or wellbeing.
P.s. I thought red wine in moderate consumption had health benefits?
Everything in Mderation.
Including Moderation.
Red wine in moderate consumption doesn't have true health benefits. Only a very small aspect of some wines (resveratrol) which can be isolated from the drink.
However, overall any health effects are cancelled out by the effects of alcohol, if you want to be healthy you would not drink that. It is mostly empty hype. Also it doesn't help the people who drink red wine tend to be wealthier and live better anyway. And those who do not drink may have stopped drinking due to health issues.
The benefits you could claim are social and perhaps enjoyment of it but I do not think its worth drinking red wine just for that reason of physical health.
I'm usually fine at a pub as ive already decided not to drink (even though there is still passive inhalation of smoke ew). I guess it's usually just individuals who are particularly insistent at trying to get me to drink for some reason.
It is simple to just ignore but I think one particular person ive been talking to has had issues lately because someone has stopped them from drinking and now they are wanting to drink a lot so they kinda just wants to keep justifying that at my own expense, kinda making me look like im doing something wrong. They will probably stop soon though and I am overeacting a bit. And i can probs leave them for a short bit except they are going through hard times atm. I barely know anyone who doesn't drink unless they are muslim or are indian. So there have been plenty of ppl who have shunned me for not drinking or going to the bar with them. And bewildered looks XP I am often fine to walk away though. I guess i just need to avoid the topic of conversation alcohol more because often ppl use that to encourage you to drink.
Smoking isn't allowed in pubs in the UK. It's gradually becoming an entire smoke-free zone, so I'm not sure where you're going where you're passively inhaling....
The Buddha quite clearly advises avoiding the company of 'fools'.
I'm not sure what kind of people you're mixing with - but - you need to change your social circle, if you're mixing with people who pressure you or make you feel you're doing something wrong. Seriously.
If you cannot comfortably socialise with people, and talk about anything you want, without feeling victimised, then really, you honestly are seeing the wrong social group.
People like that, project.
I refuse to be anyone's movie screen.
To think people used to be able to smoke in bars, restaurants, offices etc! These days I'll cross the road just to avoid passive smoking, can't stand it.
My pediatrician used to accidentally drop hot ashes on me from the cigarette hanging out of his mouth as he examined me. Yeah, I'm old.
Originally, smoking was positively endorsed as being beneficial to health. Product placement was actively encouraged and motoed in movies/Hollywood, until 1998. There are many films made up to that date that feature specific brands of cigarettes.... And we all know Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, and of course, the unique and inimitable Lauren Bacall made smoking sexy, attractive and seductive.
I frankly think there is nothing more ugly than a woman with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, while maneuvering a car. 'Fag-Ash Lil' I call them....
I've found that occasionally drinkers want me around so I can be their sober ride home. And I'm happy to do it.
I'm almost always the designated driver when I'm out with my friends. And I'm happy to do so as I quit smoking 14 years ago, and drinking was my trigger.
It's good that in the main area of the pub smoking is now banned I remember it used to be very smoky inside for everyone. There are still many smokers out in beergardens however. Inside the main pub area of a pub i used to go in a group to it was often too small to fit many people as well as busy, so had to sit outside on some occasions.
So even though nobody in the group that i often came with was smoking (and not everyone drinking so no real pressure to drink, it wasn't a drinking do just a socialising thing at the nearest place to go) there were still enough smokers around about to make it unpleasant. One time my clothes got really quite smoky! And I left a bit earlier so after that I was a lot more careful about it and tried to avoid smokers more because I found it quite disgusting in all honesty.
On the plus side at least there were some cute dogs in the garden and it was nice talking about a few things..
I haven't been to a pub lately anyway other than for a meal inside and that is during lunchtime. It's not a place I'd choose to socialise normally, particularly in the evening.
People who project all the time do suck. I don't like when I talk about myself and they almst always make it about them
I try to avoid people like that I guess I haven't done enough.
I quit drinking alcohol about 3 months after I turned legal age for it.
Because it took next to nothing to start to feel high, and then it gave me dry heaves for a couple of hours.
Not fun.
So here I was, a young adult. Plenty of pressure. I just never saw it as MY problem that they wanted me to drink. I just shrugged it off.
Sometimes I would say "It makes me sick", or when someone would say, "What's the matter .. don't you want to have FUN?" I would say that I was having fun, but that if I drank it wouldn't be fun for me.
But I never made an issue about not drinking. I drank pop or juice or water, and most people didn't notice that was what it was.
At that age, I had been meditating for about 7 years, and I knew what real fun was .. but that too I kept to myself.
Hi,
Responding to the "pressure" to drink...I always give the situation, the people, an opportunity to see that I'm not interested during that moment...and, If they continue, they're probably not people that I want to hang out with for a long time...so it's a good gauge on who's cool to hang with and those that are not...
I belong to a camp with big fishing, drinking weekend tournaments. And, on the occasion I decide to not drink, it is eye-opening to see which individuals get it and those that do not.
I dated a woman many years ago who was offended by the notion of non-drinkers. (At the time I drank, but very sparingly - 2 or 3 times a year.) She had the curious notion that teetotalers were all superior and liked to look down on the 'commoners' - drinkers, that is. I never did discover where that attitude came from. Anyway, I just explained that I actually did drink a bit, but typically only at family gatherings or holidays.
Nowadays I just don't hang out with people who drink. I imagine it's a bit easier for me, hardcore introvert that I am, to just avoid partiers and barflies. But I would give at least a little consideration to the kind of people you're hanging out with. On the rare occasion I do have to defend my lifestyle choice, I generally say "I hate the taste" or "I don't like being out of control."
Just over the past month I cannot tolerate alcohol at all. I am physically sick if I drink a few sips. I've actually now become addicted to tea. And I used to hate the stuff ?♀️?♀️
If you have to socialise at certain times of the year with alcohol drinker then why not try Alcohol free wine
Amé is also a good alcohol-free substitute... it has bubbles!
Give me soda water and red grape juice any time!
I drink a good bit. I have a friend/coworker who doesn't. The only observation I have is that I don't think you should ever be apologetic about it, because it empowers the drinking culture to steer the conversation. Yagr's party line is a great example of steering the conversation, but it's still self-deprecation which I feel reinforces the stigma.
It's also challenging for me to lead a team of folks at work without making alcohol part of the assumption. The easiest possible team building is to take folks to the bar after work. It takes a great deal more effort to steer it towards other goals and activities.
What I'm saying is that alcohol culture makes alcohol culture easy, and it streamlines both non-drinkers and drinkers alike to have the same conversations over and over. It takes a lot of effort to strategically move against it, and that is exhausting all the time, for everyone who tries it.
I personally have nothing to oppose. Taking hard drugs such as alcohol or more toxic illegal intoxicants is something I find easy to not do. Others go with their norm.
If people are chilled by their behavour, should I determine their norm? It is a question of choice and karmic responsibility.
Nobody drinks/thinks/deludes for us.
It's been a tough pre-christmas week here, so I might well be driven to drink, but don't worry, it will be good quality strong stuff....
No crappy little Jaegerbombs for me!
Tee Hee @federica
Christmas is one of the few times I drink to tipsification, if required. It often is. Relatives who want to over eat, over argue, Skype, expect cards etc ...
What is wrong with these people. He was born, he died. Get over it. Eat gruel.
Bah Humbug!
Some of my relatives are Christian, Catholic or demented. Not necessarily in that order. Must remain calm. Must practice. Must be good Dharma Grinch ... ?
Hi friend
I approached this issue 5 or 6 years ago now, I took the pratimoksha vows after a long time of not having done so which include not taking intoxicants/becoming intoxicated, First generate a mind of renunciation for Samsara then seal the deal by taking the vows from a qualified preceptor, If you make formal vows and commitments and it means alot to you, it will be easy to keep.