With nearly 8 years studying and trying to meditate in an on and off mode with gaps of missing few days/weeks of no sitting meditation, I have learnt a little about the theoretical techniques of how to meditate like anapanasati (mindfulness of breathing), zazen (just sit and do nothing, not even trying to observe anything), Mahamudra meditation (just relax and do nothing like allowing the muddy water to settle the mud by itself - seems to me like similar to zazen), awareness meditation (which Mingyur Rinpoche teaches in some youtube videos where the basic idea is to just be aware with one sense organ like ear and mind together and just be aware of its sense object like sound) - if my theoretical understanding of any of these meditation techniques is incorrect, then please correct it. Thanks.
Then there is metta meditation, meditation on death, tonglen meditation.
Now when I try to sit in meditation, my mind seems to be confused as to which meditation should I do - like for example, when I sit then should I try to observe my breathing at my nose or should I observe my stomach rising and falling?
I want to sit in zazen as there is nothing to do in it - but then there is no feedback loop in it to tell me if during the time I was sitting in zazen, whether I was doing zazen correctly or not or if I just passed my time idly. The problem which I feel in doing anapanasati is that since my natural breathing pattern is very irregular, so there are lot of long gaps in between breaths and since I lack concentration and focus, during these gaps, my mind wanders and gets entangled in my thoughts.
So I am thinking of restarting to start doing meditation from start, but I am confused on what is the best way to meditate with a goal of liberation. Any ideas please. Thanks.