I’ve recently been noticing that where I thought I didn’t often get angry, I have instead been repressing feelings like irritation and anger. When they came up, I have been stuffing them away deep inside. It’s a long established pattern, I have been doing that for a long time because I have felt that getting angry was dangerous, that people wouldn’t like me when I was angry and that it might cause permanent rifts. I guess it is something that goes back to my childhood and the separation of my parents.
I still don’t get angry often but when it happens now I have decided to try and observe it mindfully, rather than repressing it. It is funny, it only seems to turn from irritation into anger when I actually express it. Otherwise it is just a small dark cloud on the horizon... I recall Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a whole book on mindfully handling anger.
It seems to me that when you become angry, your thinking is somewhat twisted, you are no longer reasonable in your thinking. It takes an effort to think logically when you are angry. Things within me seem to protest when I attempt to think logically while I am caught up in the righteousness of temporary anger. For me anger is always about getting justice, righteousness.
Just another thing to let go of...