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Its All My Fault!

personperson Don't believe everything you thinkthe liminal space Veteran

I first stepped onto the spiritual path and discovered Buddhism in my early 20s. At the time I was confronting some of the pain and suffering that occurred in my youth. It was causing me difficulties in life as well as a fair bit of mental suffering. In as much as I can remember, my attitude was focused on blaming my parents for their mistakes and flaws, on blaming others for not accepting me.

Somewhere along the way in learning about Buddhism the idea of the law of karma in terms of multiple lives sunk in and I began to think that my life difficulties weren't so much caused by the world but by my past selves. I was to blame for everything! Rather than making me hate on myself and feel bad about myself though I found it very empowering, it meant that going forward I was in control of the quality of my lives.

I don't really have much of a sense of multiple lives anymore (well, maybe a little), but the whole idea of taking as much responsibility for the conditions of your life and mind the way they are now, I find very empowering going forward. It may not be that anyone can say that any of us are to blame for the circumstance of our lives, much depends simply on luck. Its to say that the practical/skillful way of bettering the situation is to realize its your life now and even if some aspects remain beyond your control the more effort you make at changing yourself and circumstances the better off you'll be. Not only making the most with the hand you're dealt, but the psychological satisfaction and peace of mind that comes with knowing you did what you could. It isn't a matter of blaming the victim, its a matter of empowering the victor.

I think this fits with the Buddhist lojong teaching of "drive all blame into one"

And Shantideva's stanza

Where would I find enough leather
To cover the entire surface of the earth?
But with leather soles beneath my feet,
It’s as if the whole world has been covered.”



  • personperson Don't believe everything you think the liminal space Veteran

    @how said:
    It's all my fault/ it's all your fault/ who's fault is it?

    One of the great benefits of meditatively examining the meditator is potentially finding out that we are all too innately ephemeral to legitimately be carrying or delivering much blame of anything.
    What some calls blame, others say is simply the self fulfilling slumber of our identity's ignorance, which when awoken from, leaves little home for blame to stay with.

    Thanks, yeah an important reminder. I was being somewhat facetious in use of the language around blame and fault. Its causes and conditions all the way down.

  • Good points.
    I feel responsibility or rather acceptance of self is important AND knowing we can make a better life for ourselves and others is indeed empowering ...

    Mahayana all the way. Practice makes perfect the difference.

  • KeromeKerome Certainty is the enemy of wonder The Continent Veteran

    I took full responsibility for myself from a young age, then when I was 39 I did a little blaming of my parents. They came around to see my point of view and everybody was satisfied.

  • Tee Hee.

    I forgive you and society and parents. Hope that helps o:) Oh I am so unforgivably good. :3

    As some may remember I am a great fan of the blameworthy

    Fortunately I have excellent judgemental skills. For example I blame Donnie Darko Trump for most things.

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @コチシカ said:

    Ahhhhhh ...

    Ahhhhhh... !


    gong sound



    [Explanation: My usual reaction when realising how I've hijacked my own life several times and blamed it on my parents and society]

    I used to be unhappy in the Canary Islands. I was a teenager, reaching the initial phases of adulthood -aka dumbhood-. I told my parents. "Once I leave this sh*thole I will be happy, I hate it here!". Then I was in Madrid, a big and thriving city for many years. I disliked it too... "Once I leave this sh...." Then I left to Berlin. And now.... I'm back in the Canary Islands.

    Speaking of Samsaric cycles....

    ..."Wherever you go, there you are". Sound words in a small nutshell...

  • We take our blame game, defilements and unpolished monkey mind with us? I knew it! No rest or peace for the agitation ... :3

    What some calls blame, others say is simply the self fulfilling slumber of our identity's ignorance, which when awoken from, leaves little home for blame to stay with.

    Hooray! We are our own parenting? No wonder some of us are

    Wherever you go, there you are

    I'll go here ... <3

  • “When I was a boy of 14 my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand having him around. When I got to 21 I was amazed at how much the old boy had learned in the intervening 7 years”.

    Mark Twain.

  • "Take responsibility, don't blame others, do your very best".

    I'll join.
    Well ... I'll try to ... ☺️

    Being less than perfecto? Accepto!
    In other words failings are part of our nature. Always there. No worries. We are human. 'To err is human, to forgive is dharma divine'.
    Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and try a gain.

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