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Ah yes, chuna. I've had mewslee and strawberries and tea. Heard the first cuckoo here at 6am. Now sitting in bed with the dog asleep next to me and listening to the birds singing. Wondering what the crows are shouting about, and thinking about the study I've just read that Ravens will console another Raven after it has been in conflict. It seems that empathy is more widespread than previously thought.
Also wondering how to get my red blood cell count back up to normal as that is apparently one reason I'm so tired - low red blood cell count and a borderline Hb level. Normal is 12-15; mine is just 12.
Anyway it is saturday morning and it is sunny!
That's nice about the ravens
Say, you live in the UK so I need to ask you a question about the time of posts, I think I have American time or something, times about five hours early for me, is it like that for you? Thanks.
I think that you can edit your timezone on your profile, but I'm not sure how. Mine is just an hour earlier than it should be - but it will be correct again in October, so I've left it as it is.
Today was a challenge. It was assembly schedule AGAIN and I had some very difficult students in for detention. I have one student who basically riles up the others in for detention and gets them in trouble, so that I really can't give him detention anymore. Calling home does nothing. I have compassion for this kid, because I realize that the way he's being brought up is destructive, and that's hardly his fault... but at the same time he is incredibly rude and disrespectful... and basically does whatever the heck he wants whenever he wants. He is my path and I wish I could say I've learned a lot from him... but all I've learned so far is that he has to be out of the classroom in order for it to function. That's not very constructive. *sigh*
Despite the fact that I got my layoff letter today, it was still a better day. I didn't cry although at times I felt like it. I've already started to make my peace with it.
Wow :eek:, that sounds like it was some devastating news! I hope you're still doing well. I doubt this will make you feel any better, but I have a firm belief that the universe carries us where it wants/needs us. Perhaps the universe was done with what it wanted to teach you in that position.
I went to college for social work and went into counseling right afterwards. In less than a year I was let go for not being very good at what I was doing... I was heartbroken! I can see now that I'd learned a lot about myself in that job, even if it wasn't favorable or positive, and I needed that at that time.
Keep your head up and let us know if we can be of any support!
Thanks for the well-wishes everyone. It's not fun, but I have a plan and it's not a bad one, either. I'm much better off than many of my coworkers who also got laid off. They have families to support. I feel much worse for them than for me, although it still sucks for me!
I don't know if this will help or not, Zachaa, but if I've learned one thing in my 63 years, it's that very often what seems like the worst thing to happen to you often turns out to be the best (and vice versa).
Here's an old story about just that:
There was an old man in a village, very poor, but even kings were jealous of him because he had a beautiful white horse. Kings offered fabulous prices for the horse, but the man would say, "This horse is not a horse to me, he is a person, and how can you sell a person, a friend?" The man was poor, but he never sold the horse.
One morning, he found that the horse was not in the stable. The whole village gathered and they said, "You foolish old man! We knew that some day the horse would be stolen. It would have been better to sell it. What a misfortune!" The old man said: "Could be good, could be bad."
People laughed at the old man. They had always known that he was a little crazy. But after 15 days, suddenly one night the horse returned. He had not been stolen, He had escaped into the wild, and not only that, he brought back a dozen wild horses with him.
Again the people gathered and they said, "Old man, you were right. This was not a misfortune, it has indeed proved to be a blessing." The old man said: "Could be good, could be bad."
This time the people could not say much, but inside they knew that he was wrong.The old man had an only son who started to train the wild horses, when just a week later he fell from a horse and his legs were broken. The people gathered and again they judged, saying, "Again you proved right. It was a misfortune. Your only son has lost the use of his legs, and in your old age he was your only support. Now you are poorer than ever.
The old man said, "Could be good, could be bad."
It happened that after a few weeks the country went to war, and all the young men of the town were forcibly taken for the military. Only the old man's son was left, because he was crippled. The whole town was crying and weeping, because it was a losing fight and they knew most of the young people would never come back.
They came to the old man and said, "You were right, old man - this has proved a blessing. Maybe your son is crippled, but he is still with you. Our sons are gone forever." The old man said again, "Could be good, could be bad."
I guess the moral would be don't judge the event until you know the outcome!
Turned around another really foul mood yesterday. The mornings have been kind of rough because I can't stop dreaming about my ex. I dream that we get back together (which I don't even want; he was whack and I think I just miss having a partner) and then I wake up and I'm devastated all over again. I have been trying to let the cravings go and accept my current life with compassion. It helps most of the time.
Anyways, I was pretty emotional during the day yesterday, but then got home and did some reading, and it was one of those moments when the spot I left off in with my book was exactly where I needed to start reading! The Universe is an inredible place. I read all about the encounter with Mara and realized that this is my own temporary encounter. Facing my demons of codependency, substance abuse, lots of others. Gave me lots of hope and reminded me that, deep down, I trust that everything will work out for the best. I spent so much time yesterday resisting the pain I was feeling instead of just accepting it and letting it move through me.
Anyways, meditated and went to sleep feeling more at peace than I have in a few days. Hope everyone has a great day today!
Well my day sucked. In fact, the last few years have sucked. Things are not happening for me. I feel like giving up, but I won't. I lack mental energy to do anything. Once in a while there's hope and I have a zest for life but it never lasts. Don't worry I'm cool, I'm not talking about depression or anything, but not enjoying life either. It's my own fault but hey, I guess I had to tell someone and need someone to show me the way. You know how I feel? Like I've got so many issues that go way back that I have to get rid of to become the person I want to be. How nice it would be if some guardian Angel or old person or some strange being took me to the desert like in the movies, and then the Angel made me do certain things that I'm scared of doing and I hated it but still did it. Then once I did those things I start crying, years of issues, problems, fears and everything else just pours out amongst a flood of tears. Over 10 years worth. Finally it's all released and I can return from the desert a new person. Lighter, someone that's no longer scared of anything. That's how they show it in the movies but real life doesn't work like that does it? I don't know. What about Buddhism? Do such moments exist like in the movies? You know, Buddha's teachings are so precious and I've known them for about 7 years but I'm still the same person. Why do I waste the chance? Well, just gotta keep going I guess. I guess, writing this is my one chance of being real. I don't have to fake it:) Have a good day to all.
Well my day sucked. In fact, the last few years have sucked. Things are not happening for me. I feel like giving up, but I won't. I lack mental energy to do anything. Once in a while there's hope and I have a zest for life but it never lasts. Don't worry I'm cool, I'm not talking about depression or anything, but not enjoying life either. It's my own fault but hey, I guess I had to tell someone and need someone to show me the way. You know how I feel? Like I've got so many issues that go way back that I have to get rid of to become the person I want to be. How nice it would be if some guardian Angel or old person or some strange being took me to the desert like in the movies, and then the Angel made me do certain things that I'm scared of doing and I hated it but still did it. Then once I did those things I start crying, years of issues, problems, fears and everything else just pours out amongst a flood of tears. Over 10 years worth. Finally it's all released and I can return from the desert a new person. Lighter, someone that's no longer scared of anything. That's how they show it in the movies but real life doesn't work like that does it? I don't know. What about Buddhism? Do such moments exist like in the movies? You know, Buddha's teachings are so precious and I've known them for about 7 years but I'm still the same person. Why do I waste the chance? Well, just gotta keep going I guess. I guess, writing this is my one chance of being real. I don't have to fake it:) Have a good day to all.
It took a lot of mental energy to process that all and write it out for us You don't lack the mental energy. You possess the mental energy that flows through all of us, and is made stronger by each of us.
It took a lot of mental energy to process that all and write it out for us You don't lack the mental energy. You possess the mental energy that flows through all of us, and is made stronger by each of us.
Thanks Treeluvr87, but you know, this is the easy part. I really need to grow up and do something for others instead of people providing for me like they always have, and learn how to live as well instead of wasting each day as if I'm trying to kill time, but how? Can I do this? Why are some people full of life and I rarely feel anything other than deflated? Is this just who I am? lol you must think I'm crazy but this is nice, to just really express myself for a change, you know? See in real life I'm not good at this sort of thing. You would never hear me talk like this.
Thanks Treeluvr87, but you know, this is the easy part. I really need to grow up and do something for others instead of people providing for me like they always have, and learn how to live as well instead of wasting each day as if I'm trying to kill time, but how? Can I do this? Why are some people full of life and I rarely feel anything other than deflated? Is this just who I am? lol you must think I'm crazy but this is nice, to just really express myself for a change, you know? See in real life I'm not good at this sort of thing. You would never hear me talk like this.
You can do this. All of it. But not if you look at EVERYTHING you want to change at once - that is too overwhelming! Life is going to continue whether or not you improve these qualities about yourself. So focus on one small thing at a time, that way life can continue and you'll be steadily building lifetime habits and views that can help you enjoy your life a lot more.
It sounds stupid but what I'm working on right now is just trying to meditate for at least FIVE minutes everyday. I know five minutes a day won't get me to where I'm more at peace and calm, but it sure will start me on the road to be able to meditate for longer periods of time. And even just the five minutes can completely turn my bad day around.
Palzang- Thank you for the wonderful story- it is so true! I am using this as an opportunity to get my math credential. If I hadn't been laid off at the crappiest time ever for teachers to get re-hired, then I would probably have never had the chance to do it.
TreeLuvr- You're doing great. It's not everybody that can turn around a sour mood after dreams like that. I think many people let that take over their entire day... and they never get out of it. Just keep at it, and it will get easier.
ero-sennin- I wish I knew how to help you. All I can do is give you a cyber hug (((((HUG))))). Is there something you can change- a hated job you can quit, a town you can leave? Or maybe nothing so big as that, maybe get a different haircut? Something to jar you out of your funk? I don't know if that would work or make things worse but don't ever settle with "I can't." Look it over carefully. Can you?
You can do this. All of it. But not if you look at EVERYTHING you want to change at once - that is too overwhelming! Life is going to continue whether or not you improve these qualities about yourself. So focus on one small thing at a time, that way life can continue and you'll be steadily building lifetime habits and views that can help you enjoy your life a lot more.
It sounds stupid but what I'm working on right now is just trying to meditate for at least FIVE minutes everyday. I know five minutes a day won't get me to where I'm more at peace and calm, but it sure will start me on the road to be able to meditate for longer periods of time. And even just the five minutes can completely turn my bad day around.
That made me feel better. I'll meditate tonight. I'll make sure of it. 5 minutes is at least something. I just need to keep it consistent instead of doing what I'm doing right now which is, meditate one day, then don't the next, then meditate, then don't for the next 5 days etc. I've been given clear instructions but just haven't been consistent with my practice. I read your post earlier about your dream. I hope things get better for you. Thanks for your help.
Zachaa-Thanks for the hug. Actually I've made changes to my life. Part of the reason I'm feeling down is because people told me to do certain things which just weren't me. So I quit. To do things my own way. Now it's exciting when you see hope for your new dream, but I've been feeling down because things haven't worked out like I hoped. Then people say "I told you so" "should've listened to me, I know what's best" etc. Thinking about it logically, it's way too early for me to give up on what I chose. I'm glad I made the decision I did and I don't think I could've carried on doing something I hated, but I guess I'm a little scared. "What if it never works?" Those type of thoughts are in my head. Like I said, logically, there's nothing to suggest things won't change in the future, and I know what to do to succeed but I'm feeling the pressure, partly because of what I think other's will think, and partly because I feel it's about time I did something other than fail at life. I've also had thoughts like "I know what to do but do I have it in me to do it?". I'll be alright though:thumbsup: Must meditate tonight.
Palzang, I read that story in the first book i got about Buddhism LOL. I like that story, it makes me feel good when bad things happen Thanks for reminding me
I'm thinking of changing my hairstlye LOL. I'll maybe grow my hair again.... although not past my shoulders, if I'm going to look rubbish I want to make it look like a don't try to look not-rubbish to not... oh I'm confused
That made me feel better. I'll meditate tonight. I'll make sure of it. 5 minutes is at least something. I just need to keep it consistent instead of doing what I'm doing right now which is, meditate one day, then don't the next, then meditate, then don't for the next 5 days etc. I've been given clear instructions but just haven't been consistent with my practice. I read your post earlier about your dream. I hope things get better for you. Thanks for your help.
No problem! This is all very difficult for me too, very often! It's hard for me to love myself enough to make steady practice a priority in my life. But you're right - five minutes is at least something! And each time I do it, I can feel my love for my Spirit grow just a little bit.
Had a great meditation last night after doing some chores and watching this week's episode of Lost. Slept so well and even had an amazing dream about the ex - not like the others where we get back together, or we're still together, but in this one I saw him living his life with just as much sorrow, pain, and loneliness as I'm feeling. And I felt a genuine compassion for him. That made me feel good about myself and also reminded me that it's not like he's just living his life without thinking of me. This whole ordeal was probably harder on him than it was on me.
The days have become warmer here again (which I dislike a lot) and I'm coming off a bad cold I've had for a few days. Still coughing up a lot of bad "stuff". Also, my skin issues are acting up again and bothering me a lot.
All these things put together have made me feel less than great these days, but I can't complain much. I have it much easier than most ppl and I still have managed to meditate in spite of these things bothering me.
Now I have to find a new dermatologist and see what happens. Cool off with some iced water throughout the day and hope my cold and cough disappear soon.
I don't like it when it gets too warm either. I feel like crap quite a lot when my eyes get swollen and I get all snuffly and coughing. It's horrid Hope you feel better soon,
All the best,
Jellybean
The days have become warmer here again (which I dislike a lot) and I'm coming off a bad cold I've had for a few days. Still coughing up a lot of bad "stuff". Also, my skin issues are acting up again and bothering me a lot.
All these things put together have made me feel less than great these days, but I can't complain much. I have it much easier than most ppl and I still have managed to meditate in spite of these things bothering me.
Now I have to find a new dermatologist and see what happens. Cool off with some iced water throughout the day and hope my cold and cough disappear soon.
How is everyone out there today?
That's awesome that you're still meditating! I think if I were going through all that physical stuff, I'd be a lot less motivated to take care of myself. That's how the cycle goes, though! Always makes me sicker. Keep your head up and I'm sure you'll be feeling more comfortable soon. Well, maybe not with the heat :-/ hopefully there's enough ice to keep your water cold for the summer!! I can't stand humid heats.
This weekend was emotionally difficult, for whatever reason (might be PMS, but who really knows?). Yesterday I got really, destructively ANGRY for the first time in a long long long long time... I don't even remember the last time I was that angry. Then today I had a little pity party for myself. I was able to get out of it by distraction (playing with my new digital camera) but I was also trying to tell myself to let it go. As I was driving home with my pity party I kept pretending that all the things I was passing were my feelings and they were just going back, back, back, passing far away. That sort of helped.
Hopefully this week will go better. Only 4 more weeks of school/employment!
This weekend was emotionally difficult, for whatever reason (might be PMS, but who really knows?). Yesterday I got really, destructively ANGRY for the first time in a long long long long time... I don't even remember the last time I was that angry. Then today I had a little pity party for myself. I was able to get out of it by distraction (playing with my new digital camera) but I was also trying to tell myself to let it go. As I was driving home with my pity party I kept pretending that all the things I was passing were my feelings and they were just going back, back, back, passing far away. That sort of helped.
Hopefully this week will go better. Only 4 more weeks of school/employment!
PMS is my nemesis!!!
I like what you did imagining the passing feelings. Lately, I've been trying to just acknowledge the feelings out loud as they come. I struggle a lot with "pushing down" or distracting myself from feelings that I don't really feel good about, like anger and resentment and fear. But they always come up later, so I'm acknowledging them by simply saying, "I see you, fear," out loud and then moving on to another feeling, usually something a little more positive to balance things out. It's incredible just taking a moment and seeing how many feelings I can name in just sixty seconds, and how easy it is to let them flow by once I acknowledge them openly.
Due to budget cuts I have lost my job of 25 years.
My whole lifestyle will now change, but I don't really mind that. In my heart I've always known that I can be happy with much simplicity and not the extra frills I've grown accustomed to.
I have the book The Depression Book by Cheri Huber (Buddhist oriented), but I just don't even have the mental energy to really read it right now.
Well, that's all. This low feeling will pass. Life is so fleeting - what I'm learning and like so much about Buddhism is that I realize the joyful moments - no matter how fleeting they are - are meant to be cherished and bring us joy while they are here. I never truly appreciated that before. Change happens so quickly. I'm so grateful for all I do have, in this very moment.
Due to budget cuts I have lost my job of 25 years.
I'm very sorry to hear this. This is happening to a lot of people in the current global economic crisis and I'm sorry it had to happen to you too.
Best of luck finding something else.
I have the book The Depression Book by Cheri Huber (Buddhist oriented), but I just don't even have the mental energy to really read it right now.
I can totally relate to this. I go through periods where I can read easily and then years and years where I won't even touch a book, as I can't muster up the focus and mental clarity that's needed.
This low feeling will pass.
You're right about that. I hope this low moment in your life will give way to a new high point where your needs will be met and fulfilled. Hang in there and stay strong!
Buddhism and meditation can be very helpful in trying times. They were for me and still are. In a way you're lucky you have found Buddhism already because everything looks and feels different once you've been exposed to the Dharma.
I'm so grateful for all I do have, in this very moment.
This is beautiful and very positive. I tend to forget sometimes that even if I go through hard times and life doesn't seem to smile at me in some ways, I am very lucky in other aspects and I try to always remind myself to be thankful for that.
I'm acknowledging them by simply saying, "I see you, fear," out loud and then moving on to another feeling, usually something a little more positive to balance things out. It's incredible just taking a moment and seeing how many feelings I can name in just sixty seconds, and how easy it is to let them flow by once I acknowledge them openly.
That sounds like a good idea, too. Maybe I'll try that, at least where/when nobody can hear me! The 60 second exercise sounds interesting too... perhaps I'll do it while meditating tonight.
Ellabella- My heart goes out to you! After 25 years, huh? Seems so unfair. I hope you are able to find something fresh and new that makes you at least equally as happy. P.S. I've been laid off too
I had to get up 2 hours earlier than normal today but I didn't mind too much. Besides being used to how the army randomly jacks things around I'm trying to greet things with more equanimity. I didn't shoot as well as I normally do because I'm feeling apathetic toward the military and violence in general. I basically just went through the motions.
I got home early today so that was good -- I laid on the couch with our new puppy and napped 'til my wife got home (we just got a 9 week old Morkie -- Maltese/Yorkshire Terrier mix).
I also found this web site, so all in all it's been a good day. I'd like to read more of the book I'm reading ("Essence of the Heart Sutra" by HH the Dalai Lama) but I'm far too tired for that.
I had to get up 2 hours earlier than normal today but I didn't mind too much. Besides being used to how the army randomly jacks things around I'm trying to greet things with more equanimity. I didn't shoot as well as I normally do because I'm feeling apathetic toward the military and violence in general. I basically just went through the motions.
I got home early today so that was good -- I laid on the couch with our new puppy and napped 'til my wife got home (we just got a 9 week old Morkie -- Maltese/Yorkshire Terrier mix).
I also found this web site, so all in all it's been a good day. I'd like to read more of the book I'm reading ("Essence of the Heart Sutra" by HH the Dalai Lama) but I'm far too tired for that.
Hope tomorrow treats you all well.
I work at a military institution (as a contractor) and it is very depressing to see the way they are run in this country. I'm sure that your position, right in the middle of it all, has to be trying for you. Keep your head up.
Today was an okay day for me. Better than the day I had when I wrote my last post on this thread. The past few days have been quite good. I've been meditating and just finished 15 minutes of meditation. Some days I only do 10 minutes because I really don't feel like it. It's good for me though so I'll try to keep it up this time untill I get to that point where it's a strong habit.
Today was an okay day for me. Better than the day I had when I wrote my last post on this thread. The past few days have been quite good. I've been meditating and just finished 15 minutes of meditation. Some days I only do 10 minutes because I really don't feel like it. It's good for me though so I'll try to keep it up this time untill I get to that point where it's a strong habit.
Good day to all.
Good job in meditating these days. Regularity is key to meditation practice. You'll see that resistance to meditate fade away in time but some resistance is normal, even for people who've done it for a longer period of time.
Today was good. My lessons today went well, even with 6th period and I got BTSA (Beginning Teacher Support.. something something whatever I don't know... it clears my credential) DONE DONE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I don't have a job, but at least I have a clear credential!
Also, I finally decided to stop moping around (fiancee is away on his fourth business trip in a row this week) and get out and try something new! I've been feeling a bit lonely lately and yesterday I tried to go to the local Zen center for an intro class... but nobody showed So today I went to my first yoga class! This is a big thing for me because I'm fairly shy and my favorite thing to do is stay at home and read. The class went well, although I am embarassingly inflexible and out of shape! But I suppose you have to start somewhere!
I will try to meditate tonight too, if only for a few minutes.
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Barrasoto zenniewandering in a cloud in beautiful, bucolic Victoria BC, on the wacky left coast of CanadaVeteran
edited May 2010
My Wednesdays always start early with a 6 am wake up in order to get to my 7am Rotary meeting. We have breakfast, fellowship, and today our speaker was Elizabeth May, the head of Canada's Green Party. Very interesting. Then home to meditate, have tea and read the paper, then messed around with a sewing project - making a costume for a clown friend - and after dinner I went to my taiko drumming class. I am apprenticing with our local group - Uminari Taiko - which was rehearsing for a performance at the Zen Centre's Buddha's Birthday celebration coming up on Sunday.
I love the way my body feels after drumming - really energized!
I've noticed some of you seem to have a view of me that is shrouded by the computer. I'm afraid in real life I'm cocky, rude, I can be self-centred, I'll take advantage of anybody who's kind to me, I'm in some ways vain and I do some weird things to myself just to get attention and for people to pity me. It's not nice but it's the truth, fortunately by admitting my problems to myself I can help them
Nickidoodle, don't worry so much about what our opinions of you are. All that matters is what you think of yourself - it's great that you can admit those problems, but it worries me that you're giving yourself those labels (cocky, rude) when those are just personality traits that are SOMETIMES exhibited. Know that you are a fluid person, and that you will change TONS throughout your life (especially in the next couple of years!). Don't put yourself down too much because those words can easily become self-fulfilling prophecies. Take it from me, I'm just now realizing that "too emotional" and "bitchy" are NOT words that DEFINE me - they just express some of my traits that are occasionally exhibited.
I just had a great meditation session. I hadn't been able to relax and concentrate this well in a while. A great ending to the day. Now I'm off to watch "Watchmen" on DVD.
Comments
Also wondering how to get my red blood cell count back up to normal as that is apparently one reason I'm so tired - low red blood cell count and a borderline Hb level. Normal is 12-15; mine is just 12.
Anyway it is saturday morning and it is sunny!
Say, you live in the UK so I need to ask you a question about the time of posts, I think I have American time or something, times about five hours early for me, is it like that for you? Thanks.
All the best,
Jellybean
Yes, I did, unfortunately. Oh, those darn Serbs!
Palzang
All the best,
Jellybean
Wow :eek:, that sounds like it was some devastating news! I hope you're still doing well. I doubt this will make you feel any better, but I have a firm belief that the universe carries us where it wants/needs us. Perhaps the universe was done with what it wanted to teach you in that position.
I went to college for social work and went into counseling right afterwards. In less than a year I was let go for not being very good at what I was doing... I was heartbroken! I can see now that I'd learned a lot about myself in that job, even if it wasn't favorable or positive, and I needed that at that time.
Keep your head up and let us know if we can be of any support!
All the best,
Jellybean
All the best,
Jellybean
Anyway... onwards and upwards!
Does the term "oy vey!" mean anything to you?
Mtns
All the best,
Jellybean
Here's an old story about just that:
There was an old man in a village, very poor, but even kings were jealous of him because he had a beautiful white horse. Kings offered fabulous prices for the horse, but the man would say, "This horse is not a horse to me, he is a person, and how can you sell a person, a friend?" The man was poor, but he never sold the horse.
One morning, he found that the horse was not in the stable. The whole village gathered and they said, "You foolish old man! We knew that some day the horse would be stolen. It would have been better to sell it. What a misfortune!" The old man said: "Could be good, could be bad."
People laughed at the old man. They had always known that he was a little crazy. But after 15 days, suddenly one night the horse returned. He had not been stolen, He had escaped into the wild, and not only that, he brought back a dozen wild horses with him.
Again the people gathered and they said, "Old man, you were right. This was not a misfortune, it has indeed proved to be a blessing." The old man said: "Could be good, could be bad."
This time the people could not say much, but inside they knew that he was wrong.The old man had an only son who started to train the wild horses, when just a week later he fell from a horse and his legs were broken. The people gathered and again they judged, saying, "Again you proved right. It was a misfortune. Your only son has lost the use of his legs, and in your old age he was your only support. Now you are poorer than ever.
The old man said, "Could be good, could be bad."
It happened that after a few weeks the country went to war, and all the young men of the town were forcibly taken for the military. Only the old man's son was left, because he was crippled. The whole town was crying and weeping, because it was a losing fight and they knew most of the young people would never come back.
They came to the old man and said, "You were right, old man - this has proved a blessing. Maybe your son is crippled, but he is still with you. Our sons are gone forever." The old man said again, "Could be good, could be bad."
I guess the moral would be don't judge the event until you know the outcome!
Palzang
Anyways, I was pretty emotional during the day yesterday, but then got home and did some reading, and it was one of those moments when the spot I left off in with my book was exactly where I needed to start reading! The Universe is an inredible place. I read all about the encounter with Mara and realized that this is my own temporary encounter. Facing my demons of codependency, substance abuse, lots of others. Gave me lots of hope and reminded me that, deep down, I trust that everything will work out for the best. I spent so much time yesterday resisting the pain I was feeling instead of just accepting it and letting it move through me.
Anyways, meditated and went to sleep feeling more at peace than I have in a few days. Hope everyone has a great day today!
It took a lot of mental energy to process that all and write it out for us
Thanks Treeluvr87, but you know, this is the easy part. I really need to grow up and do something for others instead of people providing for me like they always have, and learn how to live as well instead of wasting each day as if I'm trying to kill time, but how? Can I do this? Why are some people full of life and I rarely feel anything other than deflated? Is this just who I am? lol you must think I'm crazy but this is nice, to just really express myself for a change, you know? See in real life I'm not good at this sort of thing. You would never hear me talk like this.
You can do this. All of it. But not if you look at EVERYTHING you want to change at once - that is too overwhelming! Life is going to continue whether or not you improve these qualities about yourself. So focus on one small thing at a time, that way life can continue and you'll be steadily building lifetime habits and views that can help you enjoy your life a lot more.
It sounds stupid but what I'm working on right now is just trying to meditate for at least FIVE minutes everyday. I know five minutes a day won't get me to where I'm more at peace and calm, but it sure will start me on the road to be able to meditate for longer periods of time. And even just the five minutes can completely turn my bad day around.
Palzang- Thank you for the wonderful story- it is so true! I am using this as an opportunity to get my math credential. If I hadn't been laid off at the crappiest time ever for teachers to get re-hired, then I would probably have never had the chance to do it.
TreeLuvr- You're doing great. It's not everybody that can turn around a sour mood after dreams like that. I think many people let that take over their entire day... and they never get out of it. Just keep at it, and it will get easier.
ero-sennin- I wish I knew how to help you. All I can do is give you a cyber hug (((((HUG))))). Is there something you can change- a hated job you can quit, a town you can leave? Or maybe nothing so big as that, maybe get a different haircut? Something to jar you out of your funk? I don't know if that would work or make things worse but don't ever settle with "I can't." Look it over carefully. Can you?
That made me feel better. I'll meditate tonight. I'll make sure of it. 5 minutes is at least something. I just need to keep it consistent instead of doing what I'm doing right now which is, meditate one day, then don't the next, then meditate, then don't for the next 5 days etc. I've been given clear instructions but just haven't been consistent with my practice. I read your post earlier about your dream. I hope things get better for you. Thanks for your help.
Zachaa-Thanks for the hug. Actually I've made changes to my life. Part of the reason I'm feeling down is because people told me to do certain things which just weren't me. So I quit. To do things my own way. Now it's exciting when you see hope for your new dream, but I've been feeling down because things haven't worked out like I hoped. Then people say "I told you so" "should've listened to me, I know what's best" etc. Thinking about it logically, it's way too early for me to give up on what I chose. I'm glad I made the decision I did and I don't think I could've carried on doing something I hated, but I guess I'm a little scared. "What if it never works?" Those type of thoughts are in my head. Like I said, logically, there's nothing to suggest things won't change in the future, and I know what to do to succeed but I'm feeling the pressure, partly because of what I think other's will think, and partly because I feel it's about time I did something other than fail at life. I've also had thoughts like "I know what to do but do I have it in me to do it?". I'll be alright though:thumbsup: Must meditate tonight.
I'm thinking of changing my hairstlye LOL. I'll maybe grow my hair again.... although not past my shoulders, if I'm going to look rubbish I want to make it look like a don't try to look not-rubbish to not... oh I'm confused
All the best,
Jellybean
No problem! This is all very difficult for me too, very often! It's hard for me to love myself enough to make steady practice a priority in my life. But you're right - five minutes is at least something! And each time I do it, I can feel my love for my Spirit grow just a little bit.
Had a great meditation last night after doing some chores and watching this week's episode of Lost. Slept so well and even had an amazing dream about the ex - not like the others where we get back together, or we're still together, but in this one I saw him living his life with just as much sorrow, pain, and loneliness as I'm feeling. And I felt a genuine compassion for him. That made me feel good about myself and also reminded me that it's not like he's just living his life without thinking of me. This whole ordeal was probably harder on him than it was on me.
Nice to have options for perspective :rolleyes:
All these things put together have made me feel less than great these days, but I can't complain much. I have it much easier than most ppl and I still have managed to meditate in spite of these things bothering me.
Now I have to find a new dermatologist and see what happens. Cool off with some iced water throughout the day and hope my cold and cough disappear soon.
How is everyone out there today?
All the best,
Jellybean
That's awesome that you're still meditating! I think if I were going through all that physical stuff, I'd be a lot less motivated to take care of myself. That's how the cycle goes, though! Always makes me sicker. Keep your head up and I'm sure you'll be feeling more comfortable soon. Well, maybe not with the heat :-/ hopefully there's enough ice to keep your water cold for the summer!! I can't stand humid heats.
Hopefully this week will go better. Only 4 more weeks of school/employment!
I get angry when people tell me to get off the computer. I ball up the nearest thing near me and lob it into the corner of the room then scream!
All the best
Nickidoodle
PMS is my nemesis!!!
I like what you did imagining the passing feelings. Lately, I've been trying to just acknowledge the feelings out loud as they come. I struggle a lot with "pushing down" or distracting myself from feelings that I don't really feel good about, like anger and resentment and fear. But they always come up later, so I'm acknowledging them by simply saying, "I see you, fear," out loud and then moving on to another feeling, usually something a little more positive to balance things out. It's incredible just taking a moment and seeing how many feelings I can name in just sixty seconds, and how easy it is to let them flow by once I acknowledge them openly.
Due to budget cuts I have lost my job of 25 years.
My whole lifestyle will now change, but I don't really mind that. In my heart I've always known that I can be happy with much simplicity and not the extra frills I've grown accustomed to.
I have the book The Depression Book by Cheri Huber (Buddhist oriented), but I just don't even have the mental energy to really read it right now.
Well, that's all. This low feeling will pass. Life is so fleeting - what I'm learning and like so much about Buddhism is that I realize the joyful moments - no matter how fleeting they are - are meant to be cherished and bring us joy while they are here. I never truly appreciated that before. Change happens so quickly. I'm so grateful for all I do have, in this very moment.
I'm very sorry to hear this. This is happening to a lot of people in the current global economic crisis and I'm sorry it had to happen to you too.
Best of luck finding something else.
I can totally relate to this. I go through periods where I can read easily and then years and years where I won't even touch a book, as I can't muster up the focus and mental clarity that's needed.
You're right about that. I hope this low moment in your life will give way to a new high point where your needs will be met and fulfilled. Hang in there and stay strong!
Buddhism and meditation can be very helpful in trying times. They were for me and still are. In a way you're lucky you have found Buddhism already because everything looks and feels different once you've been exposed to the Dharma.
This is beautiful and very positive. I tend to forget sometimes that even if I go through hard times and life doesn't seem to smile at me in some ways, I am very lucky in other aspects and I try to always remind myself to be thankful for that.
That sounds like a good idea, too. Maybe I'll try that, at least where/when nobody can hear me! The 60 second exercise sounds interesting too... perhaps I'll do it while meditating tonight.
Ellabella- My heart goes out to you! After 25 years, huh? Seems so unfair. I hope you are able to find something fresh and new that makes you at least equally as happy. P.S. I've been laid off too
I got home early today so that was good -- I laid on the couch with our new puppy and napped 'til my wife got home (we just got a 9 week old Morkie -- Maltese/Yorkshire Terrier mix).
I also found this web site, so all in all it's been a good day. I'd like to read more of the book I'm reading ("Essence of the Heart Sutra" by HH the Dalai Lama) but I'm far too tired for that.
Hope tomorrow treats you all well.
I work at a military institution (as a contractor) and it is very depressing to see the way they are run in this country. I'm sure that your position, right in the middle of it all, has to be trying for you. Keep your head up.
Good day to all.
Good job in meditating these days. Regularity is key to meditation practice. You'll see that resistance to meditate fade away in time but some resistance is normal, even for people who've done it for a longer period of time.
Also, I finally decided to stop moping around (fiancee is away on his fourth business trip in a row this week) and get out and try something new! I've been feeling a bit lonely lately and yesterday I tried to go to the local Zen center for an intro class... but nobody showed
I will try to meditate tonight too, if only for a few minutes.
I love the way my body feels after drumming - really energized!
All the best
Nickidoodle
All the best
Nickidoodle
All the best
Nickidoodle
Have a great night everyone!