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Meeting with a christian

Generally I have had good expiriences with christians, but this time around the woman seemed shocked that I could have different opinions than her. I was kind and open to her, she started to ask me if I had heard stories about Jesus and that I could join her in church. Even after I had explained to her that I had found something that worked for me and that I don't believe in God. I tried to explain her the Dorje Sempa meditation, and she was all like: "so, you pray to this being" in a slightly insulting way. I tried to explain to her again that the Buddha-aspects aren't fully Gods. She continued after this to invite me to her church, all I could say was: "Thank you I am sure that could be fun". I also told her that I had respect for Jesus, but for me he is just a man that did good things, I don't believe that he is any supernatural being. This was at work so I can't really avoid her, and the reason we came into this was because I was reading about ngöndro, I will be sure not to bring any more buddhist books to work. I just find that when it is quiet at work it is a good place to read. I don't want to preach to anyone, or discuss too much.
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Comments

  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Why would you even get into such a discussion?

    At my school, a teacher who preached religion was fired.

    Religion does not belong in the work place.
  • This was a co-worker, and she was the one who started the conversation. I did not see that it would go this way because she seemed open at first.
  • Respect and honesty is all that's required of you. You might be surprised at what a difference your little conversation made in her down the road when it comes to her view of Buddhists.
    BhikkhuJayasaraNirvanaGlow
  • BhikkhuJayasaraBhikkhuJayasara Bhikkhu Veteran
    edited February 2013
    why not go to the church with her, and then invite her to the temple after that. It could be good to expand your horizons and be an ambassador of peace, regardless of how they feel about the situation.

    you name the religion i've pretty much been in a center of it's faith.. except maybe the pastafarians.. I haven't found a temple for them yet. If you are secure in your own path then speaking with others about theirs should not be an issue, even if they are very missionary about it.

    I don't know anything about these buddha aspect gods and such being a Theravadan, but even in the old texts there were devas(deities) and yakkhas(demons) and the like, all impermanent beings like us.

    chelaDaftChrisRodrigoGlow
  • vinlyn said:

    Why would you even get into such a discussion?

    At my school, a teacher who preached religion was fired.

    Religion does not belong in the work place.

    Sorry @vinlyn I have to do this, but what about religious studies? :lol: In fact my RS teacher at school was a Buddhist, funnily enough her name was Ms Pope (true story). Back then though I just messed around in RS as I didn't care.
    trendybuddhaInvincible_summer
  • CoryCory Tennessee Veteran
    Some people are too pushy. They push their religion on other people with no regards to the other persons beliefs. A thing similar happened to me, but with another student. I just decided to stop talking because I couldn't get my point across. They were too stubborn to accept the fact that I believed differently than them, and that they weren't going to change my mind.
  • I dont want to go to Church with her, i like churches. But this will only become a one way conversation where she is determined to save me. I have been to Church with many christians and enjoy it, but with those people it is mutual respect and understanding. And also a mutual goal to benefit all beings regardless of religion.
    MaryAnne
  • CoryCory Tennessee Veteran
    Yeah, that's the thing, I respect their beliefs, but they don't respect mine. :ninja:
  • BhikkhuJayasaraBhikkhuJayasara Bhikkhu Veteran

    I dont want to go to Church with her, i like churches. But this will only become a one way conversation where she is determined to save me. I have been to Church with many christians and enjoy it, but with those people it is mutual respect and understanding. And also a mutual goal to benefit all beings regardless of religion.

    she cares about you enough to want to save you from an eternity of hell.. I'd say that's a compliment. dealing with people who have "mutual respect and understanding" is easy.. thats not even work, nor does it push your practice of loving-friendliness for all beings ;).
    Invincible_summer
  • trendybuddhatrendybuddha Explorer
    edited February 2013
    She cares enough about herself to want to please her God to try and make people leave religions that her God dont approve off. It is not about me, its about saving anyone. I dont hate her, i respect her and wish her the best. I think it is important to be in situations that are inspiring, where you feel like you can be yourself and be respected. Of course Jayantha you are more than free to spend time with people who think your life-choices are meaningless and stupid. But dont put me down for wanting to protect myself from negativity.
    MaryAnne
  • I think this is one of those "what can you learn from this?" experiences. I also think it is the same for her, whether she recognizes it or not. Even though she is probably a very closed-minded person when it comes to religious beliefs, you have opened a small window for her to see something else beyond her own world. You have challenged her to the idea that not everyone believes as she does. It is a good thing. The world is big and full of non-Christians. We have a LOT of people just like your friend where I live, including my in-laws. Imagine having to talk with her about this on a weekly basis, in your own home!
    trendybuddhaInvincible_summer
  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran
    image

    as a Lion once said to me, 'christians are an aquired taste'.

    How open are we to the needs of the ignorant and the beastly? If you meet her again . . . perhaps she can answer some questions for me?

    Does god still have teeth, as Jesus does . . .?
    Were Mary and god married?
    . . . is the coin in the fish mouth 'miracle' available as a conjuring trick?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coin_in_the_fish's_mouth
    . . . . is god still available for wrestling?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_wrestling_with_the_angel
    trendybuddhaCoryInvincible_summer
  • BhanteLuckyBhanteLucky Alternative lifestyle person in the South Island of New Zealand New Zealand Veteran
    But dont put me down for wanting to protect myself from negativity.
    I don't think Jayantha put you down at any point. Where did he put you down?
    Invincible_summer
  • But dont put me down for wanting to protect myself from negativity.
    I don't think Jayantha put you down at any point. Where did he put you down?

    Apparantly he thinks I am chosing the easy way by protecting myself from people who don't give me positivity without even knowing why I choose to do that. I as a being find it more fruitful to be with people who give me something and like me for who I am, than being with people who try to change me because I am not their cup of tea.

  • TheEccentricTheEccentric Hampshire, UK Veteran
    Don't let her stop you from reading your books, that way you're letting her win, thats what she wants, you to feel embarassed about your beliefs, ignore her close mindedness and carry on.
    Bunkscaz
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Cory said:

    Yeah, that's the thing, I respect their beliefs, but they don't respect mine. :ninja:

    Let's think for a minute. Do you respect their beliefs, or respect their rights to have their beliefs...or both?

  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Jayantha said:

    I dont want to go to Church with her, i like churches. But this will only become a one way conversation where she is determined to save me. I have been to Church with many christians and enjoy it, but with those people it is mutual respect and understanding. And also a mutual goal to benefit all beings regardless of religion.

    she cares about you enough to want to save you from an eternity of hell.. I'd say that's a compliment. dealing with people who have "mutual respect and understanding" is easy.. thats not even work, nor does it push your practice of loving-friendliness for all beings ;).
    No, I think you don't get what her attitude probably is. There's often a difference between the mission of "saving someone" and actually caring about the person. For example, the NA children who were placed in Christian schools to convert them. If not familiar with that, you may want to read about that history.

  • NirvanaNirvana aka BUBBA   `     `   South Carolina, USA Veteran
    edited February 2013
    Zero said:


    Useful stock phrase... "I'm sorry, I don't discuss religion or politics."

    How about, "Oh, it's just one of my many hobbies!"
    The things that are dear to your heart or even things that just interest you are none of anybody else's damn business. They are yours. You need not defend yourself. Minimizing before others some things you may really believe in at the workplace is a good way to stay out of troubling complications. At the workplace you really do sell the company your body, so try to keep what you can for yourself.

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    vinlyn said:


    Let's think for a minute. Do you respect their beliefs, or respect their rights to have their beliefs...or both?


    I respect a person's beliefs.
    I respect their right to have those beliefs.

    I don't always respect how/when/why they choose to communicate or transmit those beliefs.

    Just my perspective.....
    MaryAnne
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    federica said:



    I respect a person's beliefs.

    That's an awfully big blanket statement. Are you sure?

  • federica said:

    vinlyn said:


    Let's think for a minute. Do you respect their beliefs, or respect their rights to have their beliefs...or both?


    I respect a person's beliefs.
    I respect their right to have those beliefs.

    I don't always respect how/when/why they choose to communicate or transmit those beliefs.

    Just my perspective.....
    For those of us in the UK, it's easy to be like this; apart from the odd foaming-at-the-mouth JW, it's easy to be tolerant of Christians.

    But I believe the score is different in some parts of the US where even your job could be threatened if your co-workers/boss found out that you were an atheist. I was listening to a podcast where a lady was saying she is on a six-month contract, she lives in the Bible belt, her boss (and everyone else) she works with are Christians. She doesn't dare tell anyone she's a Buddhist because she fears her contract would not be renewed.
  • DandelionDandelion London Veteran
    If you had agreed with her and Jesus it would have validated her own beliefs.. perhaps that is what she wanted. Or, as @Jayantha says, she just wants to save you. My father in law tells any religious groups of people that come knocking at his door to have a 'chat', that he is "busy devil worshipping" **deciding on an emoticon now** here ~ :sawed: naughty man!! It doesn't sounds like humour would be the best way forward in this instance though... @Nirvana is right, you don't need to defend yourself. Tell her God loves her, and mean it, and carry on reading your book.
    trendybuddha
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    vinlyn said:

    federica said:



    I respect a person's beliefs.

    That's an awfully big blanket statement. Are you sure?

    Oh for goodness' sake.

    I'm not going to sit and quantify, analyse and dissect every comment I make. Let's just take it in the context of this specific topic, okay?

    There may be exceptions, but I'm not going to start hyper-analysing every one simply to satisfy the rules and reg's of specifics, because that's a whole different thread.
  • karasti said:

    She probably took offense, even if she didn't realize it, to you saying "I don't believe in God. I think Jesus was a good person but he wasn't supernatural or anything." Those things are the CORE of her beliefs, and when you said "oh, I don't believe in those things" it probably offended her. Should it have? Not really. But could you have said what you DO believe in without pointing out that you don't believe in the things she does?

    But overall, yes, I agree with "I don't like to talk about religion at work." The other day some baptists came to my door. Elderly folk, invited me to church. I didn't see a need to say "oh, i don't believe in God." I just said "thank you for the information, and the invitation" and left it at that.

    I did not think it would offend her since she seemed to want to tall about those things since she started the convo. I am used to people Even laughing at me meditating. She asked me if I was an atheist, what does she want? A sugar coated answer? If you cant handle answers, sometimes it is best not to ask. But i like your approach too :)

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    If someone said to you that they don't believe in meditation, even if it didn't offend you, would you want to defend meditation or your practice of it? A lot of people would. They might not get upset, but they would try to make the other person understand why they should feel differently about it. She was trying to do the same thing to you. As important as your meditation is to you, so are her beliefs to her and she cannot fathom why anyone wouldn't want to follow her path, because it feels so right to her.
  • I have never been offended that someone said to me that they dont believe in meditation. I simply say okay, and move on. It is baffling to me that you find me to be the bad guy here. It is ridicolous. I am glad for you that you seem to be perfect people.
  • trendybuddhatrendybuddha Explorer
    edited February 2013
    I think i acted nice to her, and even said it could be fun to join her in church. She showed no consideration to my beliefs and even rejected my views and tried to convert me. I simply stated my world views in a nice manner.
    Jeffrey
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    edited February 2013
    Wait a second. I never said you were the bad guy. All I did was say maybe it was worth considering that you could have worded things differently. Most often, we can change small things with ourselves that make a big difference in how people respond to us. Try to understand things from the other person's point of view, instead of always being so sure that your did everything right.

    I've had many, many discussions with various Christians about religion. Every single time it's gone markedly better when I focused on what I did believe rather than what I didn't.
    Yaskan
  • Invincible_summerInvincible_summer Heavy Metal Dhamma We(s)t coast, Canada Veteran
    Like @karasti, I've found that the best way to have inter-faith dialogue is by simply stating what you believe without putting value-judgments on theirs. Also, trying to find common ground or parallels is helpful as well.

    Evangelists are sometimes hard to deal with, but it's those moments where our practice matters and deepens.
    vinlyn
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    caz said:

    Don't discuss religion with people like this, It is not their intention to be supportive or understanding but rather to belittle and convert.

    This is both extremely disrespectful and wholly inappropriate.
    It simply reflects back the exact opinion you assume she has.
    lobsterInvincible_summerYaskanJeffrey
  • You did the right thing. That's all you can do:
    "If, bhikkhus, others speak in dispraise of me, or in dispraise of the Dhamma, or in dispraise of the Sangha, you should not give way to resentment, displeasure, or animosity against them in your heart. For if you were to become angry or upset in such a situation, you would only be creating an obstacle for yourselves. If you were to become angry or upset when others speak in dispraise of us, would you be able to recognize whether their statements are rightly or wrongly spoken?"

    "Certainly not, Lord."

    "If, bhikkhus, others speak in dispraise of me, or in dispraise of the Dhamma, or in dispraise of the Sangha, you should unravel what is false and point it out as false, saying: 'For such and such a reason this is false, this is untrue, there is no such thing in us, this is not found among us.'

    "And if, bhikkhus, others speak in praise of me, or in praise of the Dhamma, or in praise of the Sangha, you should not give way to jubilation, joy, and exultation in your heart. For if you were to become jubilant, joyful, and exultant in such a situation, you would only be creating an obstacle for yourselves. If others speak in praise of me, or in praise of the Dhamma, or in praise of the Sangha, you should acknowledge what is fact as fact, saying: 'For such and such a reason this is a fact, this is true, there is such a thing in us, this is found among us.'
    Source: Brahmajala Sutta
    Invincible_summerJeffrey
  • GlowGlow Veteran
    edited February 2013
    federica said:

    caz said:

    Don't discuss religion with people like this, It is not their intention to be supportive or understanding but rather to belittle and convert.

    This is both extremely disrespectful and wholly inappropriate.
    It simply reflects back the exact opinion you assume she has.
    I don't think caz was being disrespectful, but realistic. I am not sure where the OP is located, but there is a particular breed of Evangelical Christian peculiar to the U.S. who are pretty combative and vindictive when it comes to other religious perspectives. This is largely forged because huge regions of the U.S. are geographically isolated and allow for people to exist in echo-chambers of pentacostal fervor; communities where pretty much everyone around them is a Bible-thumper and alternatives to their particular brand of Christianity are scorned (even Catholicism is suspect). Parts of the U.S. exist in a sort of de facto theocracy. I don't know if the woman the OP is talking about is such a person but, if she is, caz's characterization is not inaccurate.
    VastmindlobsterTheswingisyellow
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Glow said:


    I don't think caz was being disrespectful, but realistic. I am not sure where the OP is located, but there is a particular breed of Evangelical Christian peculiar to the U.S. who are pretty combative and vindictive, forged mostly because large regions of the U.S. are geographically isolated and allow for people to exist in communities where pretty much everyone around them is a Bible-thumper. They exist in a sort of de facto theocracy. I don't know if the woman the OP is talking about is such a person but, if she is, caz's characterization is not inaccurate.

    I agree, Glow. It isn't often that I run into that type of Christian Evangelical, but it has happened on rare occasions...maybe 3 times in my entire life. Even some Christian Evangelicals I know are more relaxed about it all.

  • Yeah, I run into a few when I visit family members in the "Bible belt." I find it's best just to avoid the topic of religion (which is kind of hard because life there is permeated by it) unless someone asks me outright. I made the mistake of trying to have a civil conversation a few times and it went from a pleasant lunch to Hellfire and damnation very quickly.
    riverflowJeffrey
  • Glow said:

    Yeah, I run into a few when I visit family members in the "Bible belt." I find it's best just to avoid the topic of religion (which is kind of hard because life there is permeated by it) unless someone asks me outright. I made the mistake of trying to have a civil conversation a few times and it went from a pleasant lunch to Hellfire and damnation very quickly.

    Having lived much of my life in the Bible Belt, I find it better to avoid religious (and also political) topics just to keep the peace. There's little purpose in stirring up a hornet's nest, especially when you live in a small town in the southern U.S.
    Jeffrey
  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran
    edited February 2013
    I live in the bible belt....and it's no joke here.
    They are serious.
    Our meetings at work, start with prayers, end with
    prayers, and so do e-mails.
    I work in a fed building, mind you. :grumble:
    After me and the other 2 non-believers have been
    having 'problems' being harrassed, I recently requested
    someone needs to visit the building about the topic
    of diversity. No one has showed up yet, and the day
    after my request, my cubicle was filled with Jesus pictures,
    and the three of us were lectured about how we need to respect
    their rights and remember that we are not the majority here.
    We need to stop 'rocking the boat'.

    The three of us are in constant battle, not againest
    'them'...but our right not to be made to be one of
    'them'. Or at least the assumption.
    I am very sorry if this offends...but my experience
    here has not been a good one. Just my experience.

    As far as the OP....avoid religion topics if you can.
    Depends on the crowd.
    Jeffrey
  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran
    Evangelical Buddhism exists in Sri Lanka, Tamil Hindu sites are being Buddified by the political excesses of the militant sanghified govt. Mahavamsa Buddhism is trying to instigate and legitimise a 'buddhist state'.

    shameful

    Shameful whenever dictorial 'religion' impinges on someones freedom to read the 'wrong' book.

    I am fortunate to live in a country where I can tell visiting Jehovahs Witnesses I am an [insert blank] or see Islam, Hindu, Christian, Atheists and Pagans live side by side. Long may it continue.

    Sometimes we do not wish to expose ourselves to the bigots posing as open minded. Sometimes the bigots surround us. If we are mindful and independent we do not succumb to the tendency of mob misrule . . .

    Be as kind as you can but not a doormat for the agenda led . . .
    Can I read my book now?
    chelaJeffrey
  • blu3reeblu3ree Veteran
    edited February 2013
    Try bringing up meditation as the bible Says that jesus's disciples all practiced meditation.
    Jeffrey
  • cazcaz Veteran United Kingdom Veteran
    edited February 2013
    federica said:

    caz said:

    Don't discuss religion with people like this, It is not their intention to be supportive or understanding but rather to belittle and convert.

    This is both extremely disrespectful and wholly inappropriate.
    It simply reflects back the exact opinion you assume she has.
    Having read the OP its very clear what her intention is, Come to church you heathen abandon this devilry to save you burning in hell fire. People like this I do not discuss religion with.

    The archetypal evangelical is not someone you discuss this with at all in fact you are lucky to get a word in at all if not to open them up to a whole new line of Bible quoting, In my own experience Mormon missionaries are far more pleasant to exchange with even if they are looking to convert, But then again these guys around my neck of the woods are always very polite and keep well away from the Hell and damnation topic as a method of fear mongering amongst the weak.
    trendybuddhariverflowvinlynMaryAnne
  • True Story:

    One day I was coming out of the veterinarian's office that I worked in....
    and as I walked towards my car I noticed and older woman in her late 50's standing right near the back of my car.
    Her husband was saying something to her as he was getting into the driver's side of the car next to mine- so obviously they were parked next to me.
    As I came closer, she seemed to get a little taller - and a little more belligerent - as she stood near the trunk of my car with her arms crossed over her chest. She looked pissed!

    I looked at her, smiled and said, "Hi, is something wrong?"
    I thought maybe her husband parked too close to my car and she couldn't get in... or something.
    She glared back at me for a second or two and asked me "Is this your car?"
    I said yes it is.... and then she announced that she was "very upset to see a certain bumper sticker on this car- a bumper sticker that promotes Satan Worship and insults all Christians, Jesus and God!"
    My mouth kind of drops open, (wow - didn't expect this, at all), and I look down at my "Pagan & Proud" bumper sticker, which She Had Tried To Peel OFF My almost-brand-new Car!

    Excuse me? Did you vandalize my car?! I asked her.
    Her husband is now visibly nervous and pissed at his wife, and said something to her like "Get in the goddamn car."
    Well this woman stood there, in all her Glory-be-to-Jesus-Save-The-Pagans attitude and informed me that she could do what she did because that Devil Worship stuff "insults" her and all Christians.

    You'd think she would have been totally embarrassed to be caught red handed, wouldn't you? Most normal people would be... but not her- she was ready for a confrontation! She was vandalizing another person's car because she felt (religiously) justified to do so!
    WTF? I thought to myself....

    Well, I quietly, but firmly, suggested she get her ass in her own car like her husband said, because I was about to go back into the office and call the police. I also told her I just memorized her license plate and could easily get her name and address from the files in the vet's office. (I'd seen them in there a few minutes earlier). Her husband got out of the car and lead her away from my car and into her own. He seemed embarrassed and pissed as well.

    This is what religious fervor does to some people; mixed with intolerance and IGNORANCE about other people's beliefs, and you can find yourself in situations with nutbags like this. There are MANY "Christian" people with this woman's attitude in America.

    I have seen - and been the target of- a whole lot of intolerance and ignorance during my 35 years as a practicing Pagan- who refused to hide out of sight and refused to deny my own beliefs to others.
    However, I still know not to judge ALL Christians because of these nutbags I've encountered. But let's not pretend they don't exist at all, because they certainly do.
    If they feel comfortable enough to 'challenge' you about your beliefs at work, in public, etc, you can be pretty sure they are exactly the type of person you shouldn't be discussing religion with - at all.

    lobsterBhanteLuckyJeffrey
  • DandelionDandelion London Veteran
    @vinlyn give a person enough rope 'n all that....
    caz
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    edited February 2013
    I guess when I learn to laugh at myself a little better, I will be better able to (not necessarily out loud) laugh at others as well.

    I am perfectly willing to have a serious and civil conversation with anyone about spiritual life. I consider it neither serious nor civil when the best anyone can do is try to convert me or insist that I agree with them.
    lobsterTheswingisyellow
  • mandalas and more mandalas :)
  • BhanteLuckyBhanteLucky Alternative lifestyle person in the South Island of New Zealand New Zealand Veteran
    Vastminds said:

    I live in the bible belt....and it's no joke here.
    They are serious.
    Our meetings at work, start with prayers, end with
    prayers, and so do e-mails.
    I work in a fed building, mind you. :grumble:
    After me and the other 2 non-believers have been
    having 'problems' being harrassed, I recently requested
    someone needs to visit the building about the topic
    of diversity. No one has showed up yet, and the day
    after my request, my cubicle was filled with Jesus pictures,
    and the three of us were lectured about how we need to respect
    their rights and remember that we are not the majority here.
    We need to stop 'rocking the boat'.

    The three of us are in constant battle, not againest
    'them'...but our right not to be made to be one of
    'them'. Or at least the assumption.

    Ahh, America, Land of the free.
    riverflowlobsterMaryAnne
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