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@person, my brother from another mother, thank you for your very valuable insight. Consider that I agree with everything you wrote and was helped by someone clearly formulating what I already know but was, for whatever reason, currently shaky about.

Dear friends,

Practising sila/morality/virtue is very important and uplifting for me. All Buddhist (and most non-Buddhist) teachers agree that sila is the foundation of both deeper insight and a happy, productive, and peaceful life, for both self and others.

My impediment, likely all of my life, but certainly during the past 15 years, has been to be too conflict averse. I see how this impediment arose as a result of some suboptimal parenting, but knowing this does not resolve it yet.

How these two interact is that when I try to practice a new form of sila, I sometimes encounter criticism, and am discouraged, sometimes giving up on the idea. The second situation is that I am averse to enter into a conflict, even a minor one, to pursue my chosen course of sila.

This is not a problem when I am more or well-established in a certain form of sila. Then, I can laugh it off or think "just your opinion, whatever".

An example of being criticised. My dad and I made an "alliance", with which we were both tremendously happy, that we would do less work for my flat renovation, but we will instead pay taxes on the work. In my country, in the domain of apartment renovations, while avoiding it is illegal, paying taxes is in practice sorta kinda optional. Enter mom, with a torrent of insults both on our characters and idea. The idea, previously seen as firm and beneficial and kind and a source of great joy and peace, I suddenly saw in a murky way, and lost my sense of purpose and direction around it. We still continued, but in a hit and miss way, and without the previous energy.
-An example of not wanting conflict. During the past two days, I was "offered" a lower price if we could not issue a receipt twice. It's strange because this rarely happens. These were small bills, in a photocopy shop, and a key maker. The first time, I did ask for a receipt, where I think the guy thought I was not being "collaborative" and was moderately pissed off by me. The second time, remembering the first, I went along with it. But now it was me who was moderately pissed off.

There are many more similar examples. A few weeks ago, I asked Roshi ChatGPT on the Buddhist view on screwing the state in a situation where the other person would be displeased if you don't, and it came with a strong and unambiguous response that the Buddhist view is to not screw the state, since it goes against many of the precepts, and some of them seriously.

Hence, the questions are:

• How do you (and do you have suggestions towards how should I) deal with being criticised for efforts at new sila behaviours? I have taken to not talking about it, until it is well-established, but sometimes this is not an option.
• How do you (and do you have suggestions towards how should I) deal with situations where it is clear to you what the right thing to do is, and you deeply want to do it, but the other person would be somehow displeased or angry or offended, etc. Maybe here being diplomatic is the way.

Answer: In my overcoming-anxiety school we are encouraged to write our suggested answer after raising a question. This primes ourselves away from the problem and towards seeking a solution.
Thus, my answer is, accepting the difficulties (the criticism or the displeasure of the other), go forward and do it anyway.
And stay as quiet as possible about it, except with people that will likely understand.

Thanks for any input.