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@marcitko said:
I found this MR article clear and to the point. Maybe there is more in his book 'Altruism'.
https://www.matthieuricard.org/en/empathy-and-the-cultivation-of-compassion/
Could you say a little more about how you see your empathy being a negative or problem in your life in practical terms? To my mind, we've gone straight from the issue to seeking a solution, however, possibly, there is nothing to fix, just to accept, and can even be seen as a virtue and strenght of yours?

It is very much a double edged sword. I do think if the option were to keep as is or get rid of entirely I'd keep it as is. Ideally what I'd want is an on/off switch or some way to mitigate the negative while preserving the positive.

Edit: Its mostly about my mind doesn't feel like my own much of the time. I want to do spiritual work, develop and let go. But a lot of the time its more about clearing out the accumulation of the day/week, I can't keep ahead of it in a normal work week.

But this sort of thing leads to an openness of perspective and insight that I'm not sure would otherwise be available.

I first picked up the difference between empathy and compassion from Matthieu Ricard (MR). Both involve a positive attitude to the other, but empathy takes on the feeling(s) of the other, while compassion does not. As MR claims, compassion only has positive effects for both self and other, while empathy, as you note, can have negative effects for self. MR talks at length about "empathetic distress", especially in the helping professions. He went so far as to participate in scientific studies on the difference between the two as a guinea pig. You might enjoy and benefit from reading up on the difference a bit, if you have not already. It's possible that with a bit of refraiming and practice you can lessen the negative aspects of empathy, while retaining the positive aspects of good will and compassion and, thus, have better relationships, without feeling overwhelmed.

That seems very familiar to me, I have had similar experiences of being an empath early in my life. But as I have gotten older I have become more robust, with better boundaries and a more ordinary way of relating.

Thanks for sharing 🙂

Many people in the psycho/spiritual world are talking about the importance of connection with others these days. I think this is different than the more renunciative practices of the past. I'm thinking it has to do with the way people on the spiritual path are living lives in the world and other people are an important part of that.

There is a lot of research showing that the quality of our lives revolves a great deal around the quality of our relationships. Again this is different than the sort of happiness that can come from spiritual attainment.

I've been trying to find a life of balance living in the world with a spiritual pursuit. However, I have a hard time with connection. I've mentioned at times that I readily take on the emotions of others, what "new agers" (not sure this is the term anymore) call an empath. So when I attempt to connect with people as it progresses it starts to become overwhelming for me. Its like having a big bucket of water dumped into my emotional cup. More often than I'd like, it can be fairly negative and unpleasant, not that I'm so pure, but I'm unaccustomed to the new feeling. Depending on how much time we spend together is correlated with how much time it takes to become clear and still again. It makes this element of a healthy worldly life feel largely out of reach.

Family seems doable, because I think we share enough emotionally that it isn't so overwhelming. So I'm not alone and I don't really have that lonely craving feeling. In its absence I suppose there is a tradeoff in that there is more peace and calmness in my life than most.

Just venting a bit, its a source of frustration in my life.