Best Of

At times I can be a little hypersensitive to "feelings in the air". Sometimes like a "gut feeling" and sometimes from noticing a series of similarly themed things in the surroundings. This is where my story of the polar bear comes from. Sort of like a blank puzzle of a past which discovers answers and pieces to itself as the present unfolds. A sort of "No one asked a question but here's part of the answer" which then begs the question and fuels further inquiry into the other parts of the answer.

It's a little Chicken-or-the-egg to me but still follows me around for some unresolved reason or another. On some occasions an experience in my life will reveal a little more of the answer to that question which was never really asked to begin with. But discovering each additional piece has always felt like it just fits.

The struggle is in whether I'm convinced it's actually some past life experience or just the mind building a story out of likes and dislikes. At one point it held some significance but these days it's more a fun memory that surfaces from time to time.

@how I think by intense what I mean is a a feeling of psychosis thinking people are talking or thinking about my mind.. That's an intense experience. Probably an unusual brain chemistry at that time. And during such intense times I usually drop off my usual daily meditation.

A second referent for the word intense is that I wonder if increasing my meditation to do at home retreats could have helped cause my relapse? In this the length and frequency increase to several sessions a little longer than an hour. I wonder if such increase in length helped to cause symptoms for me? And the feeling of intensity could also come not from length but from the meaning to me and the others doing the retreat to keep to the spirit of the retreat as it was described to start out the week.

Then again maybe (jokingly!) the relapse happened because I was always going downstairs and my dog missed my constant attention of me He could be the one tuning with my mind and causing a relapse of symptoms! So Dad will come back and give him attention.

I am back to daily meditation but usually just doing morning walking meditation each day and here and there I do a 15 minute seated mediation.

@Jeffrey said:
So my life is going to revolve around something other than meditation to stay mentally healthy. I like to read books fiction and non-fiction. I like to play games that uncover a story and explore along with creative and imaginative (self) narrative and strategy. I don't get obsessive with either games or books and it's just a part of my life.

I think a life without intense meditation can still be a compassionate life and include games and fun activities in moderation.

I have some of the same drawbacks as far as intense meditation is concerned @Jeffrey. I have been focussing more on mindfulness and just sitting in short sessions, and even then I still experience hypnagogic experiences sometimes.

For relaxation I read, sometimes Osho books and sometimes others. But I do wonder about my fathers advice to put the energy and passion I put into gaming instead into another, preferably creative activity. I feel he has a certain point there.