Best Of

"Dad... I'm sorry, but... I think you're gonna get a letter from school...."
"Oh crap, Jimmy, what the heck you gone done now?!"
"Well... I was in the line in the canteen, ya know? Linin' up for lunch, an' I passed a bowl of apples..."
"So...?!
"Well... it had a note on it, read - 'only take one, God is watching!' but I didn't want an apple..."
"...and?"
So further along, there was a big tray of cookies, an' I wrote a note for them..."
"...?"
"I wrote - 'Take as many as you want, 'cos' God is watchin' the apples..."

An oldie but 'hell' of a joke...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you." and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

Q. What did the ocean say to the beach?
A. Nothing. It just waved.

Perfect.
Buddhist.

One of the reasons I like kids and crazies is they spot/illustrate the profound.

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."

A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."

Two young salmon are swimming along one day. As they do, they are passed by a wiser, older fish coming the other way.

The wiser fish greets the two as he passes, saying, "Morning, boys! How's the water?"

The other two continue to swim in silence for a little while, until the first one turns to the other and asks, "What the hell is water?"

@person said:
I've recently fallen down the rabbit hole of these sorts of funny videos. I thought this one was particularly good.

Ah, confession time... as have I, @person ... I click on the "Watch" option on Facebook and am entertained for relatively pointless and meaningless hours, by idiotic conversations on Facebook, Whatsapp, TikTok and Twitter, mostly comments by people who drowned in the shallow end of the Gene Pool...

"I'm not saying you're the worst idiot on earth, but you'd better hope they don't die any time soon..."

Priceless.
Can't wait to use that one... (Not here, Obvs...)

I've recently fallen down the rabbit hole of these sorts of funny videos. I thought this one was particularly good.

My son Luke loves that I named my children after Star Wars characters.
My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much.