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First the good news... then the bad....
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Good news, Knights are brave and mares are fair...
Bad news: the bogeyman is still under the bed
Good News: It's not your bed!
Bad News: it's Rush Limbaugh's bed and you wake up with him having no memory!
Good News: Rush's wife slept between you.
Bad News: Just....ewwww!
Good news: you have no memory!
Bad news: you can hear Fox News anchor Bill O'Reilly talking loudly in the front room.
Good news: you're visiting the insane asylum.
But the bad news is that you're locked in and someone swallowed all the keys.
Good news we're all mad anyway
Bad News: Nurse Ratchett is on duty!
Good News: Heeeeeres Johnny
Bad news: it's got a hole in it
(in case of translation problems - see http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english-thesaurus/prophylactic)
Good news: I took a sick day today.
Bad news: bumped into boss at the mall.
Good News: Boss informs you she was just fired, and believes you are favored to replace her
Bad news: your ex boss now wants to eat lunch with you at the mall.
Good news: She's paying
Bad news: All she's got are counterfeit bills and she says you supplied them.
Good News: The policeman is your uncle.
Bad News (that's what my uncle is):
You would not want to meet my Uncle!!!
Good News: Your uncle takes sensitivity training, is kind to you, and investigates thoroughly, and you are found innocent.
Bad News: Your boss is now stalking you anyway.
Good news: There is no bad news from me today!
(Well, you're here again, aren't you...? :trollface:
Good News: He wants to give you a raise!
BAD NEWS: the raise is just a lousy 50cents/hour.
Good news! That would be good news to me!!
Bad News: There are strings attached. :#
Good news: play them strings in the right way - it might sound good!
Bad News: Your new job is playing the strings in front of a paying crowd.
Good news: write 'service not included" on the bill as you place it in front of them and smile at them before you walk away, asking if they enjoyed the food/meal and is there anything else you can do for them - it gets me every time!
Bad news: they scarper without paying anyway and the bill gets deducted from your wages
Good news: You may have won a vacation to a resort island of your choice! clicks URL link
The Bad News: The most desirable of your choices is the Gulag Archipelago.
The Good news Aleksander has kept you some bread
Bad News: It's gluten free pumpernickel
good news: you can use the coarseness of the gluten free bread to file down the bars of the holding cell that you are now vacationing in.
Bad News you only Dreamt that Aleksander has kept you some bread. Go back four posts!
Good News: Community Chest: Bank error in your favor you collect $100
bad news: the bank gave you the exploding dye pack when you made the withdraw
Good news: your roots were starting to show and needed dyeing anyway
badnews: the new color of your hair is " bald"
Good news: although my hair-line is in a recession, caffeine is the answer!
Bad news, Can't afford the coffee!
Good News: The coffee is the cat poop kind http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_Luwak
I think link not working @person
Not sure whats up, I guess copy it or google it if you want
found it... the good news is that you can make your own! (see wiki description of the coffee)
bad news: no frothy milk or chocolate on top