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Lone Wolf
Hozan
Veteran
I work in education and the staffroom is overcrowded and often can be full of gossip. In a very big and busy school I decide to meditate on lunchbreaks or go for a walk to get a break. Other colleagues can see this as being aloof or snobbish or strange. Its strange in teaching as staffroom is probably one of the few places to meet colleagues regularly. Im probably viewed as being a lone wolf or strange or snobbish or all three. I was very bothered by this before but maybe not as much now. Am I being antisocial do you think? Would appreciate honest answers. Thank you.
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Throw a party or treat everyone to cakes at birthday, just to prove the opposite.
This sounds terrible @Kerome but thats just not me. Im a curious mixture of introvert and extrovert ( probably more introvert) and big gatherings are not my thing. Couldnt imagine throwing a party or the like. I love alone time. Maybe I am The Lone Wolf in some respects or in some situations
Yeah- throwing a party to prove you're not antisocial sounds not so great an idea.
I couldn't imagine me doing something like that, either. Besides, it seems sort of wrong to do something that you can't make a habit of - that doesn't come naturally.
I was wondering, @Hozan, if any of your teaching colleagues are what you consider approachable to say a word or two, to. If so, you might want to try and strike up a conversation - just general stuff - and just mention the things you like to do on your lunch break and explain you like to do that to clear your head or something to that effect. What do you think?
@silver i have explained how i use my breaks to a few close and trusted colleagues and they fully understand. I chat with others between classes or on supervision breaks. So im not anti social from that point of view but the large over crowded staffroom and staff parties are just not my scene at all. I know my mother and my brother are very similar in this regard
I understand. I'm pretty much the same way. I'm retired now, but when I did work full time, late in my 'career' I started taking lunch breaks in the restroom where they had a small room off to the side with a comfy couch and would simply catnap during lunch or go out to my vehicle and find a shady spot and rest there and listen to the radio sometimes.
@Hozan, I am the same way at work and everyone always laughs at me and says I'm anti-social. The truth is, I don't really enjoy the gossip and the kinds of conversations that people have and you're probably the same way. I don't go to the Christmas parties, our annual boat cruise or any bar/club events as well. It's just not my scene and inappropriate stuff usually goes on in these functions (i.e. last year, on the boat cruise men were seen coming out of women's bathrooms and women out of men's bathrooms, employees throwing up at work events with management watching).
I think the only thing you can do is be social and kind when walking down the halls and bumping into a colleague but just tell them you like to have some time to yourself too, they should understand that. I try to be more social during work hours to avoid having to be so social during MY time, this way I don't come across as a snob.
I wouldn't worry about how you appear to others. If you are going off with the intention of enjoying your alone time and needing it to do well in your job, they will pick up on that and won't be bothered. Often, people are more bothered by the fact we seem bothered/troubled by something. Just be you. the rest takes care of itself. Don't try to be a different version of you to change how someone else thinks about you. If they are curious they will ask, and it's an opportunity to share mindfulness and quiet with them and the benefits of both. If they don't ask, they probably don't care. We have a huge tendency to think that other people care what we do, or think about us far more often than they really do. They are too busy worrying what you think of them, lol.
Those that mind, don't matter.
And those who matter, don't mind.
Oh. I love a good party or night of cards
but if it's not your thing then I can see it might disrupt your flow.
I like this idea too... sometimes it's very much easier to get respected others to do the talking for you.
When I was in my twenties and early thirties, I was quite social, even when I got stabbed in the back or scapegoated. Now, I prefer to go off on my own on my breaks. I need to regroup and recharge the batteries. I don't care if people think I'm a snob or aloof. Mind you, when I was ill last week, my supervisor used my absence as an excuse to cancel my contract as I was suddenly not the "right cultural fit" - whatever
Ooh.
How easy is it for you to get another contract? Can you get it at the same place or how does that work? I didn't know they could do that - or say it to your face or put it in writing and can someone like that. Well - fhathhrio.
@dhammachick that sounds like unfair dismissal to me. Id look into that
There's a loophole in my contract regarding cancelling contracts and absence and they jumped on it. I've not challenged it because it as not the nicest place to work, I was just biding my time till I paid off my credit card. The ironic thing is the nastiest people there were the loudest in claiming they were Buddhist
My agency has ghosted me since Thursday, but lucky for me there are a plethora of temp and permanent roles being advertised for admin and data entry so I've been sending out my resumé today. I'm pretty confident at getting something by the end of the week.
Thats great! Best of luck with the job hunting. You are DEFINITELY better off not working in that place - sounds horrible. I reckon committed Buddhists wouldnt often say they were buddhists. Most people dont know I am
Not that i hide it at all but actions speak louder than words
@Hozan - exactly
I ended up taking a similar approach when I worked in a school, I would go for a long walk in the lunch break. It was nice to have a break from the school environment, and nice not go get so drawn into staff-room gossip and shop-talk.
Bah humbug.
@dhammachick hoping there is a silver lining in there for you in that you don't have to stay in a place you didn't like and weren't happy in for another 8 months! I hope the next thing is a much better fit.
But...What if ice cream comes with that cake?! (Esp. Neopolitan)
@dhammachick, you're better off without them in the long run!
Good Luck on your search, I'm sure you'll find something nice soon. When a door closes a window opens, everything happens for a reason
But that would mean sharing the Neapolitan.
@federica, I notice people have more emojis than there are available to me. How do you get them? download?
@Tigger you don't have to download them. They are done by keyword following a colon. So if you type a colon : You will get a short list. If you type a letter, you will get the emojis that start with that list, so if you type :a You get emojis for angry, awesome, anquished and some others. And so on.
OH! Thanks @karasti
Love it!
Sounds like it is your lunch break.
Reminds me of one place I was teaching. I found an empty hall to practice martial arts and meditation in . . . they had judo mats that made an excellent Zabuton - whatever that is . . . and were ideal for yoga.