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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited March 2007
This was on another board. It's very funny and very true.
I'm sorry it's so long, but parents will sympathise with this one....
Thinking of Having Kids?
LESSON 1
-Go to the grocery store.
-Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
-Go home.
-Pick up the paper.
-Read it for the last time.
LESSON 2
-Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who
already are parents and berate them about their...
-Methods of discipline.
-Lack of patience.
-Appallingly low tolerance levels.
-Allowing their children to run wild.
-Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's
breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and
overall behavior.
*Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
LESSON 3
-To discover how the nights will feel...
-Walk around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag
weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static
(or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
-At 10PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep..
-Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag,
until 1AM.
-Set the alarm for 3AM.
-As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink.
-Go to bed at 2:45AM.
-Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
-Sing songs in the dark until 4AM.
-Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years.
-Look cheerful.
LESSON 4
-Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
-Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
-Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
-Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
-Then rub them on the clean walls.
-Cover the stains with crayons How does that look?
LESSON 5
-Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems...
-Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
-Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
-Time allowed for this - all morning.
LESSON 6
-Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
-Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch
tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive
Christmas candle.
-Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs.
-Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
LESSON 7
-Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can
leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
-Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove
compartment. Leave it there.
-Get a dime. Stick it in the cassette player.
-Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat.
-Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
-There. Perfect.
LESSON 8
-Get ready to go out.
-Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour.
-Go out the front door.
-Come in again.Go out.
-Come back in.
-Go out again.
-Walk down the front path.
-Walk back up it.
-Walk down it again.
-Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
-Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every
cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead
insect along the way.
-Retrace your steps.
-Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the
neighbors come out and stare at you.
-Give up and go back into the house.
-You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a
walk.
LESSON 9
-Repeat everything at least (if not more than) five times.
LESSON 10
-Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing
you can find to a pre-school child. (A full- grown goat is excellent).
-If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
-Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your
sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
-Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate
having children.
LESSON 11
-Hollow out a melon.
-Make a small hole in the side.
-Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
-Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
-Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
-Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
-You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.
LESSON 12
-Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney,
Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV
for at least five years.
LESSON 13
-Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down
about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.
LESSON 14
-Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly.
(Important: no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required).
-Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four
years.
-You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
LESSON 15
-Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else
continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while
playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now
ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
I'm not quite sure where to post this....but if anyone has looked at my avatar....it is a picture of my adopted bunny rabbit. He is sitting, quite obviously facing the other way, on a pillow.
I 'rescued' him from a shelter. It's quite a story actually. I had never visited a shelter for animals before. One day last December, I decided to go. Well, I didn't leave empty handed. There this little guy was, separated from the others in his siblings. Apparently he was the 'runt'. The other bunnies, one in particular, urinated on him and chewed on his one ear. Well, I couldn't just leave him there!! It was love at first sight! Needless to say, he's living a wonderful life. He was quite easy to litter train and runs about the house (and makes no messies!) Parts of his ear are missing, but is fully healed.
I have tons of pictures of him. But this one makes me giggle.
I had a hard time narrowing down a name for him. Then my nephew suggested BOB. That too made me giggle. So that's his name, BOB. A bit unique for a bunny!!!
That's a wonderful story! How fortunate for that sweet little guy that you decided to visit that day. I don't know if this is universally true but it's been my experience that the runts of the litter are always the best pick, they always seem to have the sweetest natures. I have two cats who were the runts and they're the most loving of all the cats we have and every runt of any species we've ever had has been that way. And I think Bob is a great name too, it's hilarious!! I laughed out loud when I read that. Don't rabbits have the absolute sweetest wee tails in the world?
I hear ya, bf. I felt like I was stuck in that song, "It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel bad..." what with all the crazyiness in Virginia and everything else. Just wanted to curl up under a rock somewhere and let the dralas have their day.
I hear ya, bf. I felt like I was stuck in that song, "It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel bad..." what with all the crazyiness in Virginia and everything else. Just wanted to curl up under a rock somewhere and let the dralas have their day.
Palzang
What can we say? My heart goes out to you all in the US. I don't know how you make sense of such acts. Even terrorism makes more sense than this indiscriminate slaughter. There is so much one wants to say and do, and so little that can make any difference. Even over here, the teenage bunch who gather here each evening were very subdued last night.
wow. I'm speechless. I am completely saddened.
My heart goes out to all that have been effected.
I feal afraid for my boyfriend who goes to UB at Buffalo.
It can happen anywhere.
therefore: his ears have been chewed so you could say that he has "bits of bob", missing?
maybe not, sorry.
that's very funny.
On Easter Sunday, my brother gave me a bunny ears headband with part of one ear broken. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. It was hilarious, but THAT'S MY BUNNY!!
That's a wonderful story! How fortunate for that sweet little guy that you decided to visit that day. I don't know if this is universally true but it's been my experience that the runts of the litter are always the best pick, they always seem to have the sweetest natures. I have two cats who were the runts and they're the most loving of all the cats we have and every runt of any species we've ever had has been that way. And I think Bob is a great name too, it's hilarious!! I laughed out loud when I read that. Don't rabbits have the absolute sweetest wee tails in the world?
I LOVE THE BUNNY BUTT!!!!!
BOB is 5 months old. He is very sweet but also very skittish. I suppose I would be too if my ear had been tickered with! Plus the other horrible stuff those other rabbits did!!! I have 'earned' his trust and he comes when I call. He plays with me and even kisses me! (well, sniffs my nose! and that to me is love!!! lol) But he won't seem to let me pick him up!:hrm:
Of course, it's good to bear in mind that the carnage at Virginia Tech would have been just another day in Iraq...
Palzang
A crucial point, Palzang-la. I was criticised, yesterday, for wondering, aloud, why the death of 50 Iraqis over the weekend from a bomb came second on the news after the breakup of a 'royal' romance, whereas the shooting was first. It was a serious question and one to which the answers are revealing:
* there are the reasons of denial and petty-mindedness: we prefer the froth to the dark drink of reality;
* Iraqis are 'foreigners';
* the shootings remind us of the horror that lurks in each of us, the barbarian within our own gates.
Listening to the first information about the shooter, I am struck that the first thing we have been told is that he was "a loner". This has become an identifier of such individuals. I worry that those of us who can be described in this way will become automatic suspects. Are we to see laws against 'lonerism'?
I spent most of the evening pulling up whatever information I could find from The New York Times online and other news agencies and I eventually had to stop and close down the windows because I couldn't take it anymore. Then I thought about all the people mourning the loss of friends, colleagues and family members who don't have that luxury. These mass murders seem to be happening more frequently and it's horrifying. I don't want to turn this into a debate about gun laws but I have to say that I did spend some time imagining how this whole thing might have gone down if the shooter had used the knives they found on him rather than his guns. I wonder how many lives he could have taken in that scenario compared with what really happened. I'm sick to death of guns and gun violence. Sick, sick, sick of it all.
I spent most of the evening pulling up whatever information I could find from The New York Times online and other news agencies and I eventually had to stop and close down the windows because I couldn't take it anymore. Then I thought about all the people mourning the loss of friends, colleagues and family members who don't have that luxury. These mass murders seem to be happening more frequently and it's horrifying. I don't want to turn this into a debate about gun laws but I have to say that I did spend some time imagining how this whole thing might have gone down if the shooter had used the knives they found on him rather than his guns. I wonder how many lives he could have taken in that scenario compared with what really happened. I'm sick to death of guns and gun violence. Sick, sick, sick of it all.
I have noticed how the reportage in the European press included, immediately, the question of gun laws. I find it really hard to enter any discussion about this hooror without the subject being raised. Over here, in the UK, we have had a rash of murders of young men, invoving guns. These are one-offs and the debate about unlawful guns is hot. Then, along comes this slaughter!
At some levels, we are hearing a disgusting sort of schadenfreude which turns my stomach. A sort of self-congratulatory attitude which, itself, is deep in denial of the real problems of alienation and fear out of which the events arise. Please believe, if the volume of European hypocrisy rises, that we do not all think like this. I may be viscerally and socially opposed to private gun ownership but it is IRRELEVANT: people are dead, people are grieving, people are in shock. They need our loving support, not a socio-political debate.
A crucial point, Palzang-la. I was criticised, yesterday, for wondering, aloud, why the death of 50 Iraqis over the weekend from a bomb came second on the news after the breakup of a 'royal' romance, whereas the shooting was first. It was a serious question and one to which the answers are revealing:
* there are the reasons of denial and petty-mindedness: we prefer the froth to the dark drink of reality;
* Iraqis are 'foreigners';
* the shootings remind us of the horror that lurks in each of us, the barbarian within our own gates.
Listening to the first information about the shooter, I am struck that the first thing we have been told is that he was "a loner". This has become an identifier of such individuals. I worry that those of us who can be described in this way will become automatic suspects. Are we to see laws against 'lonerism'?
Yes STP,
if there is a law imposed on loners well holy shit-I'm in the to be arrested bucket!
I wrote an article on "loners" in school and my basic premise was-many of us are not that way by choice-we are ex-communicated by "popular" types and by the majority of sheep who don't wish to be seen cavorting or associating with the "Untermensh", loner.
What's an"Untermensh", Xray? I assume it's a loner but I've just never heard that word before.
Boo, dearest,
I am so glad you haven't heard the term. It is from the vocabulary of the Nazi propaganda: an under-human. We, of course, being so much more civilised, do not use it: we speak of "under class".
The idea that there are 'superior' human beings - and its concommitant 'inferior' ones - is persistent and pernicious, als.
Hi all.
First time on this thread, and u have just noticed the post by Fede about having kids. As my wife and me are trying for a child at the moment, i thought i would print it out and show her.
Hi all.
First time on this thread, and u have just noticed the post by Fede about having kids. As my wife and me are trying for a child at the moment, i thought i would print it out and show her.
I am so glad you haven't heard the term. It is from the vocabulary of the Nazi propaganda: an under-human. We, of course, being so much more civilised, do not use it: we speak of "under class".
The idea that there are 'superior' human beings - and its concommitant 'inferior' ones - is persistent and pernicious, als.
OMG, how sickeningly awful. How horrible.
But I thank you both, Xray and Simon, for explaining this to me. My education is incomplete where the Nazis are concerned. Perhaps I should pull my head out of the sand and do a little reading about them so that I will never be able to forget.
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
Hi all.
First time on this thread, and u have just noticed the post by Fede about having kids. As my wife and me are trying for a child at the moment, i thought i would print it out and show her.
OMG, how sickeningly awful. How horrible.
But I thank you both, Xray and Simon, for explaining this to me. My education is incomplete where the Nazis are concerned. Perhaps I should pull my head out of the sand and do a little reading about them so that I will never be able to forget.
However, one would probably be more upset by the term "logs" as used here...
Activities
A special project code-named 'Maruta' used human beings for experiments. Test subjects were gathered from the surrounding population and were sometimes referred to euphemistically as "logs" (maruta, 丸太).[6] This term originated as a "joke" on the part of the staff due to the fact that the official cover story for the facility given to the local authorities was that it was a lumber mill. The test subjects included infants, the elderly, and pregnant women. Many experiments and dissections were performed on the living without the use of anesthetics because it was believed that it might affect the results, or that it was unnecessary because the subjects were tied down.[7] URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Unit_731&action=edit§ion=3"][COLOR=#0000ff]edit[/COLOR][/URL Vivisection
Prisoners of war were subjected to vivisection without anesthesia[8][9]
Vivisections were performed on prisoners infected with various diseases. Scientists performed invasive surgery on prisoners, removing organs to study the effects of disease on the human body. These were conducted while the patients were alive because it was felt that the decomposition process would affect the results.[10][11] The infected and vivisected prisoners included men, women, children and infants.[12]
Vivisections were also performed on pregnant women, sometimes impregnated by doctors, and the fetus removed.[13]
Prisoners had limbs amputated in order to study blood loss.
Those limbs that were removed were sometimes re-attached to the opposite sides of the body.
Some prisoners' limbs were frozen and amputated, while others had limbs frozen then thawed to study the effects of the resultant untreated gangrene and rotting.
My heart just went up to my throat and down to my boots...I feel sick....
I've never heard about anything like that before. How could a human do those things? That's a hell realm. Hell. I hope they all went into shock before the nightmare progressed. Oh god I feel sick...
mmm so when the discussion of "war" arises, I don't think many people understand my abhorrence of the statements "it was a wartime situation" and "these things happen in wartime".
This among so many other reasons are why I am a pacifist.
P.S. and that includes the use of nuclear weapons etc. (sorry but the US will not be excused for that one).
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited May 2007
Let's lighten the mood and wish everyone a simply blissful and wonder-filled Vesak!!
Since this is the the "how was your day thread" I thought I would share a) what I am doing today, and b) what I did yesterday.
Today I am teaching a meditation workshop for hospital employees. I am really looking forward to it, and so far have heard that others are looking forward to attending it. I teach meditation in the mental health ward every week, which can be challenging. This is my first shot at a crowd that is not heavily medicated and/or delusional.
Yesterday I was called to pray for a man who was dying of liver failure. I had been to his bedside twice previously, once when he coded (went into cardiac arrest) and once when he almost bled out internally.
As I was praying for him (the family was christian, so it was a very Christian prayer about being welcomed into his Father's house, I noticed that the death rattled breath had stopped, and I had not heard it for a while. I was rubbing his shoulder while I was praying, and I slid my hand down to his chest, and felt no heartbeat.
He died.
The family was somehow comforted that he chose that moment to die, and was appreciative of my presence. But I have to tell you, it was a little unesettling for me. That is the first time I was actually touching a person when they died. I have been there, but never touching and praying for the person.
Death is a large part of my practice and it's very helpful for me to hear stories like this. I have never been in the presence of a person who died. The closest I've ever come was being with my old cat as she passed away. I made her as comfortable as possible and when it got closer to the time, I left her side and went to my desk. When I was working in the kitchen of the small hospital in town (where I got injured) I remember the nurses telling me that very often their dying patients would pass away once everyone was out of their room, ie. when they were alone. I didn't want my cat to hang around on my account so I let her go while I was sitting nearby. I remember hearing her two death rattles in her wee throat and then she was gone. (Reading about your man and his death rattled breath made me think of this experience because hearing those rattles was the most vivid part of the whole experience for me. Hearing them, and then hearing them stop.) I tried my best to stay calm and fully aware of everything that was going on and kept reminding myself of the Buddhist perspectives on death and rebirth and so on. I still ended up crying my heart out after she was put on ice to await her spring burial (she died in the middle of winter).
Anyway, I'm off topic but I just wanted to thank you for sharing this story and I wanted to tell you that I'm not surprised you were unsettled. I was unsettled for weeks over the death experience of my cat, which I know sounds silly in light of your experience, but I can surely understand why you felt unsettled. I think that's a very good thing and you had a very valuable experience. Thanks again.
I have seen a lot of people "wait" to be alone before they die. One person in particular lingered all week, with her boyfriend hovering over her. When he finally left to feed the cat, that is when she died.
Others though will wait for significant others to arrive. I personally think that some people are able to choose the moment of their death.
I personally think that some people are able to choose the moment of their death.
Really? I hope you're right. I'd like to be able to.
So I guess it depends on the person dying whether they wait to be alone or wait to be with a specific person etc.? I'm so interested in the whole process and how it works. I want my death to be a great opportunity. I don't want to miss it. I think I'd be the kind of person who would wait to be alone to die. I've never felt the fear of dying alone. I'd much rather do it that way.
Anyway, I'm off topic again. I'll go. Thanks, Arctic.
I personally think that some people are able to choose the moment of their death.
Especially if they're pulling the trigger!
In my college days, I worked as an orderly in the hospital next door to the college. One time I was called to assist a patient, a young man not much older than me. As I was trying to help him, he just passed away, very quietly and with no obvious suffering. The nurse told me later he had terminal leukemia, so it was just a matter of time, but it was unsettling. It was actually a good job for an 18 year old to have because most people never come into contact with death, unless it's in the bizarre circumstances of a funeral home.
I'll never forget the first time I was called to take a body down to the morgue. Here I was, just out of high school basically, a college freshman, riding down the elevator alone with a corpse. About half way down I noticed the sheet had pulled down from the face, and I was the object of his glassy stare. Of course, it was also at night when the hospital was very quiet, so I had to somehow get him into the morgue, which was down in the basement and all dark, without freaking out. But I got over it - later I worked for a while as an autopsy assistant! Good charnel ground practice!
Really? I hope you're right. I'd like to be able to.
So I guess it depends on the person dying whether they wait to be alone or wait to be with a specific person etc.? I'm so interested in the whole process and how it works. I want my death to be a great opportunity. I don't want to miss it. I think I'd be the kind of person who would wait to be alone to die. I've never felt the fear of dying alone. I'd much rather do it that way.
Anyway, I'm off topic again. I'll go. Thanks, Arctic.
:whatever:
No thanks! I want a HUGE fanfare, horses, clowns, the whole box and dice-I want to make sure that everybody knows:cheer: a friggin party-man!:woowoo:
In my college days, I worked as an orderly in the hospital next door to the college. One time I was called to assist a patient, a young man not much older than me. As I was trying to help him, he just passed away, very quietly and with no obvious suffering. The nurse told me later he had terminal leukemia, so it was just a matter of time, but it was unsettling. It was actually a good job for an 18 year old to have because most people never come into contact with death, unless it's in the bizarre circumstances of a funeral home.
I'll never forget the first time I was called to take a body down to the morgue. Here I was, just out of high school basically, a college freshman, riding down the elevator alone with a corpse. About half way down I noticed the sheet had pulled down from the face, and I was the object of his glassy stare. Of course, it was also at night when the hospital was very quiet, so I had to somehow get him into the morgue, which was down in the basement and all dark, without freaking out. But I got over it - later I worked for a while as an autopsy assistant! Good charnel ground practice!
Palzang
hey palzang i just saw a job for an Autopsy and body donation facility technician-only 46k-55k Aussie dollars per year, its with the university of new south wales though-bugger.:doh:
Uh oh, gun laws, a sticky point with me. Yes I know that Guns are weapons, with only one intent, to kill. However, I ask this, what if several of the students on campus had been armed? Many might say that panic would have broken out and more students would have been killed or injured. I disagree. The American "Old West" was famous for everyone being armed. It was a necessity of life. Yet the number of shootouts in the Old West were so few, that most of them lived on in legend. I believe it was Mark Twain who said "An armed society is a polite society." So, to me, the idea is that if everyone is strong, there is no room for a bully.
IF it prevents more violence, it isn't that bad of an Idea. IF. I'm not about everyone killing each other. However, I'm for everyone having the ability to put a stop to any violence that is already occuring. Only if it actually works, which historically, has been true.
Good point, Simon. However, not being strong enough to stop terror in the first place means that we will only suffer at the hands of those willing to use it.
One of the things I thought of when I saw this post was the Shaolin Monks. The Shaolin temples were dedicated to the practice of Buddhism, yet they are the origins of many of the great martial arts traditions we have today. Strength is nothing more than a tool, and whether strength is used correctly is up to the user. But, not having strength means you are at the mercy of those who do.
Remember, I believe in a practical solution to real problems. I would rather that everyone be armed, and criminals be less able to commit crimes, than to have a select few be capable of defending the many and having rampant crime. Beating my sword into a plowshare is well and good, but where does that leave me against someone who is inlined to attack simply because I don't have the strength to defend myself?
If it is my karma to be killed in a violent way by a weapon, I'd rather just get it over and done with rather than adding more vipaka by violently bringing down someone else with me. I'm trying to bring the cycle to an end, not prolong it.
Good point, Simon. However, not being strong enough to stop terror in the first place means that we will only suffer at the hands of those willing to use it.
One of the things I thought of when I saw this post was the Shaolin Monks. The Shaolin temples were dedicated to the practice of Buddhism, yet they are the origins of many of the great martial arts traditions we have today. Strength is nothing more than a tool, and whether strength is used correctly is up to the user. But, not having strength means you are at the mercy of those who do.
Remember, I believe in a practical solution to real problems. I would rather that everyone be armed, and criminals be less able to commit crimes, than to have a select few be capable of defending the many and having rampant crime. Beating my sword into a plowshare is well and good, but where does that leave me against someone who is inlined to attack simply because I don't have the strength to defend myself?
Of course you are right, Bushinoki - for a given meaning of "right".
When Gandhi was asked whether his principle of applied non-violent non-cooperation could have stopped Adolf Hitler, he replied; "With great pain and sacrifice". The question is always the same: will you do to another what you do not want done to you? If the answer is 'no', then the next question is: how far will you go to ensure this? Will you give yourself up to possible torture and death?
I believe that, in the dissatifactory nature of samsara, we may, from time to time, find ourselves embroiled in armed conflict. Since the end of the 19th century, wars have been increasingly been waged in towns and cities rather than on battlefields, changing its whole nature. Nevertheless, some form of armed force may be essential, although I doubt the wisdom of standing armies.
If we choose to remain part of this system of warfare and war-stance, we also need to learn something that our ancestors already knew: we need some way of absolving our armed forces from the guilt of shedding blood in our names. Without some such rite of return to the fold, our armed agents carry the guilt for us too. In the ages of faith, fighters were given the sacrament of reconciliation before a battle and he nation went to post-war Masses. Today? Nothing. If a warrior is lucky, they may get some treatment for PTSD because it is a 'medical condition' but we offer no solace for the fact that we have required them to shed blood on our behalf. We prefer to marginalise the returning armies and dump our own guilt onto them.
Which brings up another one of the US' "brilliant" recent headlines, Walter Reed Memorial Hospital (I am being sarcastic here). I understand there were reasons to say that Saddam Hussein was a threat to the ME and the rest of the world. I understand taking him out of power. What I don't understand is why the soldiers who made great sacrifices for their country aren't getting the treatment they deserve.
Comments
I'm sorry it's so long, but parents will sympathise with this one....
Thinking of Having Kids?
LESSON 1
-Go to the grocery store.
-Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
-Go home.
-Pick up the paper.
-Read it for the last time.
LESSON 2
-Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who
already are parents and berate them about their...
-Methods of discipline.
-Lack of patience.
-Appallingly low tolerance levels.
-Allowing their children to run wild.
-Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's
breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and
overall behavior.
*Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
LESSON 3
-To discover how the nights will feel...
-Walk around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag
weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static
(or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
-At 10PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep..
-Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag,
until 1AM.
-Set the alarm for 3AM.
-As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink.
-Go to bed at 2:45AM.
-Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
-Sing songs in the dark until 4AM.
-Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years.
-Look cheerful.
LESSON 4
-Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
-Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
-Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
-Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
-Then rub them on the clean walls.
-Cover the stains with crayons How does that look?
LESSON 5
-Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems...
-Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
-Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
-Time allowed for this - all morning.
LESSON 6
-Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
-Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch
tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive
Christmas candle.
-Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs.
-Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
LESSON 7
-Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can
leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
-Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove
compartment. Leave it there.
-Get a dime. Stick it in the cassette player.
-Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat.
-Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
-There. Perfect.
LESSON 8
-Get ready to go out.
-Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour.
-Go out the front door.
-Come in again.Go out.
-Come back in.
-Go out again.
-Walk down the front path.
-Walk back up it.
-Walk down it again.
-Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
-Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every
cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead
insect along the way.
-Retrace your steps.
-Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the
neighbors come out and stare at you.
-Give up and go back into the house.
-You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a
walk.
LESSON 9
-Repeat everything at least (if not more than) five times.
LESSON 10
-Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing
you can find to a pre-school child. (A full- grown goat is excellent).
-If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
-Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your
sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
-Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate
having children.
LESSON 11
-Hollow out a melon.
-Make a small hole in the side.
-Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
-Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
-Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
-Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
-You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.
LESSON 12
-Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney,
Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV
for at least five years.
LESSON 13
-Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down
about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.
LESSON 14
-Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly.
(Important: no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required).
-Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four
years.
-You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
LESSON 15
-Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else
continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while
playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now
ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
I 'rescued' him from a shelter. It's quite a story actually. I had never visited a shelter for animals before. One day last December, I decided to go. Well, I didn't leave empty handed. There this little guy was, separated from the others in his siblings. Apparently he was the 'runt'. The other bunnies, one in particular, urinated on him and chewed on his one ear. Well, I couldn't just leave him there!! It was love at first sight! Needless to say, he's living a wonderful life. He was quite easy to litter train and runs about the house (and makes no messies!) Parts of his ear are missing, but is fully healed.
I have tons of pictures of him. But this one makes me giggle.
I had a hard time narrowing down a name for him. Then my nephew suggested BOB. That too made me giggle. So that's his name, BOB. A bit unique for a bunny!!!
maybe not, sorry.
That's a wonderful story! How fortunate for that sweet little guy that you decided to visit that day. I don't know if this is universally true but it's been my experience that the runts of the litter are always the best pick, they always seem to have the sweetest natures. I have two cats who were the runts and they're the most loving of all the cats we have and every runt of any species we've ever had has been that way. And I think Bob is a great name too, it's hilarious!! I laughed out loud when I read that. Don't rabbits have the absolute sweetest wee tails in the world?
I hate it.
-bf
Palzang
What can we say? My heart goes out to you all in the US. I don't know how you make sense of such acts. Even terrorism makes more sense than this indiscriminate slaughter. There is so much one wants to say and do, and so little that can make any difference. Even over here, the teenage bunch who gather here each evening were very subdued last night.
My heart goes out to all that have been effected.
I feal afraid for my boyfriend who goes to UB at Buffalo.
It can happen anywhere.
On Easter Sunday, my brother gave me a bunny ears headband with part of one ear broken. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. It was hilarious, but THAT'S MY BUNNY!!
BOB is 5 months old. He is very sweet but also very skittish. I suppose I would be too if my ear had been tickered with! Plus the other horrible stuff those other rabbits did!!!
Palzang
* there are the reasons of denial and petty-mindedness: we prefer the froth to the dark drink of reality;
* Iraqis are 'foreigners';
* the shootings remind us of the horror that lurks in each of us, the barbarian within our own gates.
Listening to the first information about the shooter, I am struck that the first thing we have been told is that he was "a loner". This has become an identifier of such individuals. I worry that those of us who can be described in this way will become automatic suspects. Are we to see laws against 'lonerism'?
At some levels, we are hearing a disgusting sort of schadenfreude which turns my stomach. A sort of self-congratulatory attitude which, itself, is deep in denial of the real problems of alienation and fear out of which the events arise. Please believe, if the volume of European hypocrisy rises, that we do not all think like this. I may be viscerally and socially opposed to private gun ownership but it is IRRELEVANT: people are dead, people are grieving, people are in shock. They need our loving support, not a socio-political debate.
Yes STP,
if there is a law imposed on loners well holy shit-I'm in the to be arrested bucket!
I wrote an article on "loners" in school and my basic premise was-many of us are not that way by choice-we are ex-communicated by "popular" types and by the majority of sheep who don't wish to be seen cavorting or associating with the "Untermensh", loner.
cheers!
Xray
Boo, dearest,
I am so glad you haven't heard the term. It is from the vocabulary of the Nazi propaganda: an under-human. We, of course, being so much more civilised, do not use it: we speak of "under class".
The idea that there are 'superior' human beings - and its concommitant 'inferior' ones - is persistent and pernicious, als.
First time on this thread, and u have just noticed the post by Fede about having kids. As my wife and me are trying for a child at the moment, i thought i would print it out and show her.
I think were gonna go on holliday instead!!!
Metta, bukowski.
now you've really done it!
xray
welcome Buk
(Hi, Buck.)
cheers
But I thank you both, Xray and Simon, for explaining this to me. My education is incomplete where the Nazis are concerned. Perhaps I should pull my head out of the sand and do a little reading about them so that I will never be able to forget.
(Sorry.....)
Hya Bukie.... nice to have you back...! *Hugs*!!
However, one would probably be more upset by the term "logs" as used here...
Activities
A special project code-named 'Maruta' used human beings for experiments. Test subjects were gathered from the surrounding population and were sometimes referred to euphemistically as "logs" (maruta, 丸太).[6] This term originated as a "joke" on the part of the staff due to the fact that the official cover story for the facility given to the local authorities was that it was a lumber mill. The test subjects included infants, the elderly, and pregnant women. Many experiments and dissections were performed on the living without the use of anesthetics because it was believed that it might affect the results, or that it was unnecessary because the subjects were tied down.[7]
URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Unit_731&action=edit§ion=3"][COLOR=#0000ff]edit[/COLOR][/URL Vivisection
- Prisoners of war were subjected to vivisection without anesthesia[8][9]
- Vivisections were performed on prisoners infected with various diseases. Scientists performed invasive surgery on prisoners, removing organs to study the effects of disease on the human body. These were conducted while the patients were alive because it was felt that the decomposition process would affect the results.[10][11] The infected and vivisected prisoners included men, women, children and infants.[12]
- Vivisections were also performed on pregnant women, sometimes impregnated by doctors, and the fetus removed.[13]
- Prisoners had limbs amputated in order to study blood loss.
- Those limbs that were removed were sometimes re-attached to the opposite sides of the body.
- Some prisoners' limbs were frozen and amputated, while others had limbs frozen then thawed to study the effects of the resultant untreated gangrene and rotting.
- Some prisoners had their stomachs surgically removed and the esophagus reattached to the intestines.
- Parts of the brain, lungs, liver, etc. were removed from some prisoners.
.[14] [15][16][17]Dreadful
cheers!
Xrayman
I've never heard about anything like that before. How could a human do those things? That's a hell realm. Hell. I hope they all went into shock before the nightmare progressed. Oh god I feel sick...
This among so many other reasons are why I am a pacifist.
P.S. and that includes the use of nuclear weapons etc. (sorry but the US will not be excused for that one).
Today I am teaching a meditation workshop for hospital employees. I am really looking forward to it, and so far have heard that others are looking forward to attending it. I teach meditation in the mental health ward every week, which can be challenging. This is my first shot at a crowd that is not heavily medicated and/or delusional.
Yesterday I was called to pray for a man who was dying of liver failure. I had been to his bedside twice previously, once when he coded (went into cardiac arrest) and once when he almost bled out internally.
As I was praying for him (the family was christian, so it was a very Christian prayer about being welcomed into his Father's house, I noticed that the death rattled breath had stopped, and I had not heard it for a while. I was rubbing his shoulder while I was praying, and I slid my hand down to his chest, and felt no heartbeat.
He died.
The family was somehow comforted that he chose that moment to die, and was appreciative of my presence. But I have to tell you, it was a little unesettling for me. That is the first time I was actually touching a person when they died. I have been there, but never touching and praying for the person.
so that was my day.
Death is a large part of my practice and it's very helpful for me to hear stories like this. I have never been in the presence of a person who died. The closest I've ever come was being with my old cat as she passed away. I made her as comfortable as possible and when it got closer to the time, I left her side and went to my desk. When I was working in the kitchen of the small hospital in town (where I got injured) I remember the nurses telling me that very often their dying patients would pass away once everyone was out of their room, ie. when they were alone. I didn't want my cat to hang around on my account so I let her go while I was sitting nearby. I remember hearing her two death rattles in her wee throat and then she was gone. (Reading about your man and his death rattled breath made me think of this experience because hearing those rattles was the most vivid part of the whole experience for me. Hearing them, and then hearing them stop.) I tried my best to stay calm and fully aware of everything that was going on and kept reminding myself of the Buddhist perspectives on death and rebirth and so on. I still ended up crying my heart out after she was put on ice to await her spring burial (she died in the middle of winter).
Anyway, I'm off topic but I just wanted to thank you for sharing this story and I wanted to tell you that I'm not surprised you were unsettled. I was unsettled for weeks over the death experience of my cat, which I know sounds silly in light of your experience, but I can surely understand why you felt unsettled. I think that's a very good thing and you had a very valuable experience. Thanks again.
Others though will wait for significant others to arrive. I personally think that some people are able to choose the moment of their death.
So I guess it depends on the person dying whether they wait to be alone or wait to be with a specific person etc.? I'm so interested in the whole process and how it works. I want my death to be a great opportunity. I don't want to miss it. I think I'd be the kind of person who would wait to be alone to die. I've never felt the fear of dying alone. I'd much rather do it that way.
Anyway, I'm off topic again. I'll go. Thanks, Arctic.
Especially if they're pulling the trigger!
In my college days, I worked as an orderly in the hospital next door to the college. One time I was called to assist a patient, a young man not much older than me. As I was trying to help him, he just passed away, very quietly and with no obvious suffering. The nurse told me later he had terminal leukemia, so it was just a matter of time, but it was unsettling. It was actually a good job for an 18 year old to have because most people never come into contact with death, unless it's in the bizarre circumstances of a funeral home.
I'll never forget the first time I was called to take a body down to the morgue. Here I was, just out of high school basically, a college freshman, riding down the elevator alone with a corpse. About half way down I noticed the sheet had pulled down from the face, and I was the object of his glassy stare. Of course, it was also at night when the hospital was very quiet, so I had to somehow get him into the morgue, which was down in the basement and all dark, without freaking out. But I got over it - later I worked for a while as an autopsy assistant! Good charnel ground practice!
Palzang
No thanks! I want a HUGE fanfare, horses, clowns, the whole box and dice-I want to make sure that everybody knows:cheer: a friggin party-man!:woowoo:
hey palzang i just saw a job for an Autopsy and body donation facility technician-only 46k-55k Aussie dollars per year, its with the university of new south wales though-bugger.:doh:
Palzang
cheers
Palzang
Palzang
We shall never solve terror by a 'balance of terror'.
One of the things I thought of when I saw this post was the Shaolin Monks. The Shaolin temples were dedicated to the practice of Buddhism, yet they are the origins of many of the great martial arts traditions we have today. Strength is nothing more than a tool, and whether strength is used correctly is up to the user. But, not having strength means you are at the mercy of those who do.
Remember, I believe in a practical solution to real problems. I would rather that everyone be armed, and criminals be less able to commit crimes, than to have a select few be capable of defending the many and having rampant crime. Beating my sword into a plowshare is well and good, but where does that leave me against someone who is inlined to attack simply because I don't have the strength to defend myself?
If it is my karma to be killed in a violent way by a weapon, I'd rather just get it over and done with rather than adding more vipaka by violently bringing down someone else with me. I'm trying to bring the cycle to an end, not prolong it.
Of course you are right, Bushinoki - for a given meaning of "right".
When Gandhi was asked whether his principle of applied non-violent non-cooperation could have stopped Adolf Hitler, he replied; "With great pain and sacrifice". The question is always the same: will you do to another what you do not want done to you? If the answer is 'no', then the next question is: how far will you go to ensure this? Will you give yourself up to possible torture and death?
I believe that, in the dissatifactory nature of samsara, we may, from time to time, find ourselves embroiled in armed conflict. Since the end of the 19th century, wars have been increasingly been waged in towns and cities rather than on battlefields, changing its whole nature. Nevertheless, some form of armed force may be essential, although I doubt the wisdom of standing armies.
If we choose to remain part of this system of warfare and war-stance, we also need to learn something that our ancestors already knew: we need some way of absolving our armed forces from the guilt of shedding blood in our names. Without some such rite of return to the fold, our armed agents carry the guilt for us too. In the ages of faith, fighters were given the sacrament of reconciliation before a battle and he nation went to post-war Masses. Today? Nothing. If a warrior is lucky, they may get some treatment for PTSD because it is a 'medical condition' but we offer no solace for the fact that we have required them to shed blood on our behalf. We prefer to marginalise the returning armies and dump our own guilt onto them.