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  • edited May 2006
    I'm off to try in the morning, I will see if anything has changed, and I will revisit the issue in a inpassionate state like you suggested. Thanks for the advice and the details!
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited May 2006
    It's the 28th today....I get the Industrial Tribunal Court's decision in three days....

    That is the official date of Declaration of Findings..... but I expect that with quite a few cases to ponder on, peruse and decide upon, chances are they have already come to a decision....

    Aw heck - do me a favour...Light a few candles, some incense and wish me well anyway.....!!

    I'll keep you all posted - !!
  • edited May 2006
    ...Hope it went in your favor....
  • BrigidBrigid Veteran
    edited May 2006
    Lighting candles, incense and wishing really, really hard...
  • buddhafootbuddhafoot Veteran
    edited May 2006
    This is getting to be a big-ass thread!

    I don't know that I'm sending anything your way besides carbon dioxide and maybe some methane... but I am sitting here wishing you the best on this thing.

    -bf
  • edited May 2006
    Fantastic day! We ran out of food a couple days ago, but I figured out that I can mix flour and water, and then with the non-dough goo, I can make things kind of like pancakes and then fry them and eat them with salad dressing! So good! They're like chips, only made out of flour and not potato. *squee*
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited May 2006
    We lost.

    .......Have overtaken the Titanic, and are still sinking....:-/
  • edited June 2006
    I'm sorry to hear that. :/
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2006
    Not 'alf as sorry as me is.....!!
  • BrigidBrigid Veteran
    edited June 2006
    Oh, crap, Fede! Crap, crap, crap!! What does this mean now?
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2006
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2006
    Finding it a little difficult to hang on to myself at the moment.....

    Sorry.....
  • edited June 2006
    Federica...I just read your blog...
    I can empathize with the negative balance...luckily I too have family around to help.

    That aside, I am truly inspired by your honesty and your strength. Remember a while back I, according to you, gave an 'undue compliment' of fluency and wisdom...well, here is where I saw that fluency and wisdom again!!!

    Your ability, for lack of a better word, to stand back and look at your life and where the suffering is really coming/not coming from...
    A sincere thanks for your sharing, wisdom, and honesty. It's a true lesson and model on how I wish to follow and live the Dharma.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2006
    You're very kind, Sharpie.... Honestly, I'm just plodding....
    If it wasn't for the people on this forum, and what the connection with you all does for me, I'm convinced I'd have sunk without trace long ago... It is through this illusion we call 'Life' that I have truly learnt what it is to follow the Buddha Dharma and the Sangha...

    Now when I hear the phrase 'walk the talk' I can raise my hand up and shout -

    "Ooooh!! Please Miss - I know! I know!!"

    Wretched it can be - Miserable and lost, I have felt, but I have also been touched by incalculably generous Love and Compassion.... and distant and remote as we may all be from one another, exchange on here provides me with the comfort of a loving hug....
    Words are redundant, superfluous and completely inadequate when trying to convey to you all how grateful I am, and how indebted I feel to everyone for the support and Companionship I have never failed to find here. Expressive and fluent I may be, but it's not enough...It's not enough....

    I would not change a single moment. Not a one.




    Robbie Williams has just come on the Radio, singing "Angels"....

    Well there you go.


  • edited June 2006
    I just found out that my brother's doctor is going to report my parents to social services because he's been too sick to go to school, which he's threatened doing for over a year.
  • SimonthepilgrimSimonthepilgrim Veteran
    edited June 2006
    aquula wrote:
    I just found out that my brother's doctor is going to report my parents to social services because he's been too sick to go to school, which he's threatened doing for over a year.

    This sounds worrying. Are you OK?
  • edited June 2006
    I am very sorry to hear that your family has been suffering. When families are struggling they need support on a variety of levels. It is normal to be fearful of outsiders, and of agencies becoming involved in our lives...because we have no control over it.

    Personally, I have been afraid of 'making that call' in the past. YOu may have no control over the actions of others, but at least you can identify your fear and know a bit about the Dharma which in itself can be a blessing when troubled.

    Peace to you.
    aquula wrote:
    I just found out that my brother's doctor is going to report my parents to social services because he's been too sick to go to school, which he's threatened doing for over a year.
  • edited June 2006
    Sorry if I killed the thread.

    I'm okay, mostly, but felt like I had to hide away from people for a while. I was very angry and disgusted (and afraid) for a couple of days and didn't want to take it out on innocent bystanders.

    I don't know what going on, I don't think if he's gone ahead and done it, or changed his mind yet again. This was probably the fifth or so time he's threatened to do that in the past year.

    The intent isn't malicious, at least not consciously and at least not directed at my brother, but perhaps a little, subconsciously, directed at my mother (who is very undiplomatic and forceful when it comes to the wellbeing of her children, and is very knowledgeable about illnesses and treatments - she used to be a nurse before giving it up to raise children and knows how to find new information and knows what's reasonable and what isn't - some doctors find this very annoying and intimidating) and at the department heads and other people higher up in the hospital hierarchy. (The people in charge of the hospitals in this county are not doing a good job at it, they treat the employees poorly and seem most concerned with getting good retirement deals for themselves. Recently, all the doctors in a department resigned in protest of the working conditions and policies of the department head, who responded saying that if they don't like the way he runs it, they can go elsewhere - he can always find new doctors from Poland or some place like that.)

    It also isn't with my brother's best interest in mind, and that's what's so frustrating. He's too arrogant and stuck in his own views to even try to look at anything outside of his own pre-determined opinion. Even more frustrating is that he's admitted that if my brother were an adult, he would've put him on sick-leave without hesitation, but he doesn't think school is demanding or draining enough for children to stay home unless they're so sick that they're in the hospital and can't leave their beds. And since he's the doctor, he's the one they'll listen to. It won't matter one bit what my parents say, or what other doctors they've been to say. He's the one they'll listen to.

    It also seems like there's some sort of unofficial harassment policy in most municipalities in the country. More and more stories are surfacing about families being harassed by authorities, or doctors, or schools, because their children are sick, or have been tormented in school (with the school doing nothing, or not enough, to stop it). Children have been taken from their families and refused treatment because the school or the doctor decided that the parents were only making it up, a few have even died, and it still continues.

    This is one of the things that, from time to time, makes me feel that human beings are too horrible to exist. We shouldn't have been allowed to exist in the first place.. we're too cruel, to hurtful, to blind to the suffering we cause. Nothing can be done about that though, since we're already here.

    I feel a strong need to accept this situation (and others, but also in general) as it is, but I feel equally strongly that if I accept that this is the way things is, I'm condoning it, I'm saying that it's good, I become the perpetrator. I don't know if I'll ever learn to accept things as they are (not talking about this specifically) if I can't figure out how to do it without feeling like I'm saying that it's good.

    ---

    Sorry for rambling, you can have your thread back now. :)
  • edited June 2006
    The doctor did what he threatened to do. I can see no possible good outcomes, the "best" would be only slightly worse than neutral and the majority of possibilities are very bad.
  • SimonthepilgrimSimonthepilgrim Veteran
    edited June 2006
    aquula wrote:
    The doctor did what he threatened to do. I can see no possible good outcomes, the "best" would be only slightly worse than neutral and the majority of possibilities are very bad.


    I wish there were something we could do. If good thoughts are any comfort, please believe that I have often thought of you and your family. Is there no one on your side against the juggernaut of the state?
  • edited June 2006
    Thank you.

    As far as I know, there really isn't anything we can do now except hope that the social worker assigned to the case is sensible and will actually try to do what is best for my brother and not be blinded by the doctor's words.

    At least it's raining tonight, maybe that will help me sleep. This summer's been too hot and there hasn't been enough rain. I hope the rain lasts a while.
  • BrigidBrigid Veteran
    edited June 2006
    Oh, Aquula, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. Keep us posted on what happens and I'm thinking of you.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2006
    We're ALL thinking of you, aquula, and believe me when I tell you that, when folks here say that they are thinking of you, right behind you, supportive and benevolently wishful for you - it's already easier to face the day.
    I don't know how I would have coped with Life's "difficult" aspects, without the support, friendship and camaraderie of everyone on here.
    Suffice to say, if not for them, I would not be where I am now.
    Stick with it, stick with us, and come in as regularly and as often as you can.
    Above all, use what you experience to enhance your practise. It may sound glib, and "easy for you to say", but it's a wonderful lesson in Impermanence and Difficulty....
    You will come through this.
    Look after yourself.
  • edited June 2006
    A big hello to everyone, as you will have gathered Fede and I have relocated back to England. I came over three weeks earlier to attend an intensive Law course, the aim of which if I have passed is to enable me to start a full time Law degree in Sept/Oct this year. The workload was unenviable but utterley fascinating, I had to complete a 45min essay, a two hour written exam and finally submit a 2000 word Court report. I will find out in the next couple of weeks if I have passed(so fingers crossed). This opportunity has come about through being unable to survive financially in France, ironically it has meant that the "Risk" of giving up the financial security of work and the little luxuries it can provide has not been a factor in me taking this decision so late in life. I have been overwhelmed by the support and kindness oferred by the members of this forum, indeed at a time when one's faith in Human nature is to say the least, tenuous, it leaves a wonderful feeling that all is not lost and that the story of the "Good samaritan" is as true today as it was all those years ago. However it would be remiss of me not to thank my wonderful partner Federica, who has been so supportive and inspirational in allowing me to pursue my dream.
  • buddhafootbuddhafoot Veteran
    edited June 2006
    Nick and Fede...

    I think your entire sangha is happy to see some changes for the better in both of your lives.

    I know I am :)

    -bf
  • edited June 2006
    Thank you, Brigid and Federica. I will be sticking around.

    In a way I have been using it for my practice, I've been paying attention to my feelings a lot the past few weeks, just noticing them and acknowledging them, and staying with them. Practicing not to run away from them or get sucked into feeling bad or guilty about reacting the way I do to things (and not just this) like I normally would.

    It's a very painful situation, and right now I'm just feeling very weary and "low", and ready for this to be resolved one way or another. It's been going on for several years now, getting progressively worse (though these particular threats only started with this doctor, he turned it up several notches). I lived in my own place during large parts of it (I'm the firstborn, he's the baby, he was only in first or second grade the first time I moved out), and though I heard a lot about it, it's very different to actually live in the middle of it, where all these other people's emotions and negative energy seep in and mingle with your own to the point that you're not really sure what's from you and what you just picked up from someone else.

    ---

    I hope England will treat the two of you better than France did.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2006
    Thank you aquula, that in the midst of your own difficult moment, you still have the heart and kindness to wish us well..
    And thanks BF. There is more I could say, but you know it.....

    England is already proving to be a sound choice...
    It's early days yet, but we knew we could not let the grass grow under our feet...
    we both got to the Job Centre first thing Monday Morning, and looked for something there....
    Nick has applied for a post as a security Guard, on a University Campus near us, and his CV was immediately snapped up...I guess his stint as a member of the Royal Military Police stood him in good stead, because he is being contacted on Thursday for an interview...
    I applied for a couple of posts advertised at the JobCentre, but also sought something while still in France, and put in a personal application for a well-known local Garden Centre, and Boots the Chemists - a major high-street 'Drug-store' and pharmacy here....
    The garden Centre has given me an interview date for wednesday 4th August at 10:00, and Boots the Chemists have accepted my application, and will be in touch....!

    3 days in the UK and things might be looking up....!

    Goes without saying I'll keep you all posted.....:winkc:
  • SimonthepilgrimSimonthepilgrim Veteran
    edited June 2006
    aquula wrote:
    Thank you, Brigid and Federica. I will be sticking around.

    In a way I have been using it for my practice, I've been paying attention to my feelings a lot the past few weeks, just noticing them and acknowledging them, and staying with them. Practicing not to run away from them or get sucked into feeling bad or guilty about reacting the way I do to things (and not just this) like I normally would.

    It's a very painful situation, and right now I'm just feeling very weary and "low", and ready for this to be resolved one way or another. It's been going on for several years now, getting progressively worse (though these particular threats only started with this doctor, he turned it up several notches). I lived in my own place during large parts of it (I'm the firstborn, he's the baby, he was only in first or second grade the first time I moved out), and though I heard a lot about it, it's very different to actually live in the middle of it, where all these other people's emotions and negative energy seep in and mingle with your own to the point that you're not really sure what's from you and what you just picked up from someone else.

    ---

    I hope England will treat the two of you better than France did.

    Just a couple of thoughts, Aquula. The first is to encourage you to persevere in practice. Even if it only gives you some minutes of peace, that is of great benefit. It slows the breath, which slows the endocrine secretions and re-inforces the immune system. In co-arising, mind becomes quiet and problems return to different proportions.

    The second thing is to share some personal stuff: when my wife died, my son Jack was only 9. He began to have real problems at school, which we had anticipated. What we had not expected was how little real support the school gave. Jack was being bullied and, I discovered, beginning to show early signs of self-harm. In the end, I took him out of school completely and taught him at home for nearly two years. He is now back in school, doing exams. He is well and happy. As well and happy as any 16-year-old can be, that is! I had some struggles with the education authorities but, here in the UK, there is a right, enshrined in law, for parents to educate their own children. Of course, this solution does not suit everyone but there is real joy to be had in spending time with one's child rather than losing them for the best hours of the day.

    The authorities have a tendency to be overbearing depite fine words about 'parental choice' and the 'rights of the child' but it means little.

    The old 'joke' goes:
    Q.: What is the difference between Social Services and a Rottweiler?
    A.: You can get your child back from a Rottweiler.

    This morning, I spent my morning celebration and commemoration around the story of Herod and his slaughter of the innocents - a perfect example of the fatal hand of the state. And remembered you, your upset, your brother and his illness, and your whole family. May it have been of some use.

  • edited June 2006
    Aquula,

    Forgive me if I am getting too personal and please see these as rhetorical thoughts and questions rather than ones that I expect you to comment on/answer. I am wondering what the school has said about your brother's absence. I teach in a school and a colleaque of mine had a similar situation in that the child was out quite frequently due to illness. It was inquired upon and a doctor's excuse was provided.

    Here's a silly question/thought...I wonder if the doctor has questioned WHY the boy is so sick? Can your family get a second opinion?

    Again, I apologize for getting to personal. :o

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, especially the health of your brother.
  • edited June 2006
    The school seems slightly more supportive than the doctor but I don't know what their current stand is, they change their opinion drastically every time they get a new principle and this one has been getting a lot of them (and they've only lived here a couple of years).

    I don't want to put too many specific details up here, since it's not really for me to share, not being my story and all, and I'm worried that I've already put up too much, given that this is a public site and that this all ends up on google. To explain better, I'd have to give too many details, and that would make this too specific and easy to identify if, for instance, the doctor happened to come across this site, and he'd probably find a way of using it against us. I think I mentioned something about second opinions in another post.

    It is very difficult to get permission to homeschool anyway, and in this case it would most likely be even more difficult to get permission, and neither of them feel that they could do a good enough job of it for various reasons.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2006
    Aquula, all-knowing I am not, but this I can tell you....
    There comes a point where the seemingly self-indulgent practise of detachment has to come into play....
    It's like you're looking at a tapestry.... you are so close to the stitches, that you are even able to break down the individual threads into the tinier threads that go to make them up.... You can see every flaw, every imperfection, every twist and kink.... and it all looks like a messy jumble of haphazzard colours.....
    Step back.
    Take a deep breath, and mentally distance yourself from the 'picture'.... look at it objectively, as if you were a mere and simple visitor to this museum, where the tapestry is displayed....
    It's the only way, believe me.... to literally wrap your protective BDS*-brand rainmac around yourself, and realise that much as you may wish, this may be a time to just step right bac, and look toy your own well-being in the matter....
    Unless your head is straight, it will always look like a jumble....


    (*Buddha-Dharma-Sangha)
  • edited June 2006
    You're absolutely right, I do need to do that (and have been trying (and I know how you feel about "trying" :p but to me it's a convenient expression that approximates in one word what would take many more if avoided /end disclaimer)).

    This isn't my struggle and it isn't something I can solve for them. It's a horrible situation that no one should be put in it and that would hurt me to hear about even if the family affected was one I didn't know at all. It's difficult for people to believe that this isn't because of something my parents have done wrong or that they haven't just missed something obvious that they could've done, which makes this very difficult for me to talk about, but at the same time, I can't just keep it all inside all the time.

    When I step back, I see my own issues that are affected by this. Mainly various fears (fear of being "consumed" by this society, fear of becoming a tool for it, an enactor and enabler of this casual, almost institutionalised cruelty - people have gotten mad at me in the past for having "abstract" fears and hurts, lol). It's hard sometimes not to be ashamed of how strong fear is in me, and it's hard to know where to start untangling or unwinding a response that started being conditioned in me before I was born.

    I sound kinda crazy, but mostly I'm just tired so everything comes out weird.

    Thank you all for allowing me this space to express these feelings and thank you for the support. I feel a little bad for taking up so much room here, but I needed this right now.
  • edited July 2006
    I HAD A MARVELLOUS DAY!
    how was everyone else's?
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited July 2006
    Aquula, never apologise, though I understand why you feel you need to.... I "know where you're coming from".....
    The wonderful thing about this Sangha, I have personally found, is that as well as being as Buddhist as we can be, we're also all human, and able to comprehend the emotions, needs, desires and fears of others...Though we may never share exactly the same experiences, we have all at one time or another, and to one degree or another, 'been there, known that'....I prefer personally, to not use the phrase, "I know how you feel" because that is not possible, and can sound patronising...
    Conversely, know that by sharing how it is you feel, others can truly empathise.


    Craig: As Moderator, I hereby command you to

    SHARE!! :)
  • BrigidBrigid Veteran
    edited July 2006
    I agree wholeheartedly with Fede, Aquula. We're your sangha and we're here for each other. There's no apology of any sort necessary and, in fact, I feel it's a privilege to be allowed to share in your life with all it's joys and sorrows. You can't be judged here because all of us are in the same boat with all the joys and sorrows of our lives. The only thing of any real importance is to remember how fortunate we are to have each other. We're like a family that actually works.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited July 2006
    Brigid wrote:
    We're like a family that actually works.

    Hey, Brian - let's re-name this Palace,
    "The Buddha-Brady Bunch" - !!

    Wow!! How cool - or scary - is that - !?! :wow::woowoo: :cheer: :thumbsup: :lol:
  • SimonthepilgrimSimonthepilgrim Veteran
    edited July 2006
    Today has been a good day!

    First we went to Wargrave, near Reading (about 100 miles) to have lunch with my two sons + Karen (eleder's partner) who is pregnant. Due at end of August. This was the first time I had seen their new home. Nice little house.

    Then, off to a graden party on the Thames at Datchet, outside Windsor. A schoolfriend's 65th birthday party. He was the least academic of all our class (we were together from ages 10 to 18, living close to each other in St Marylebone, London) - he is now a judge!!!

    It was great fun. A few classmates plus a lot of interesting people, canoes on the river, sunshine: perfect!
  • edited July 2006
    My parents lived near Reading (Binfield, Bracknell) when I was born.

    The parents were visiting my youngest sister today so just me and the brothers at home today. It was a nice and quiet day.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited July 2006
    Today has been a good day!

    First we went to Wargrave, near Reading (about 100 miles) to have lunch with my two sons + Karen (eleder's partner) who is pregnant. Due at end of August. This was the first time I had seen their new home. Nice little house.

    Nice. Congratulations... let us know when the sprog puts in an appearance.... :)
    Then, off to a graden party on the Thames at Datchet, outside Windsor.

    A 'Graden" party....? Some kind of Pagan hierarchy initiation? Oh, to be a fly on the wall....!
    A schoolfriend's 65th birthday party. He was the least academic of all our class (we were together from ages 10 to 18, living close to each other in St Marylebone, London) - he is now a judge!!!

    There's hope for Nick yet....!!

    Glad you had a lovely day, Simon...one of those halcyon ones, I would guess.....:tongue2:
  • edited July 2006
    MUST....OBEY....FED....
  • edited July 2006
    well generally i just had a great day.

    you can reach into my bag and take all the marvellous you guys need
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited July 2006
    "Empty Marvellous".... The ideal.....





    Good boy, Craig, Good boy..... Sit!!
  • edited July 2006
    *begs for treat*
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited July 2006
    *Chucks a juicy marrow-flavoured, tasty bone-shaped treat!*

    Yum!!

    Enjoy!!
  • edited July 2006
    *begins Homer Simpson drooling to a point where he's actually floating off the kitchen floor*
  • edited July 2006
    hahaha I'm still feeling good today! just woke up this way, no idea what's making me feel so good! hope everyone is having a peaceful day!!
  • edited July 2006
    I've been reading Old Path White Clouds. Such a beautiful, nourishing book. I feel so happy, calm, and light reading it. I even feel like using exclamation marks and I'm not an exclamation mark type of person (and as such, couldn't find a place where one would really fit ;)).
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited July 2006
    That's wonderful to hear Aquula....
    Have some on me.........

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • SimonthepilgrimSimonthepilgrim Veteran
    edited July 2006
    aquula wrote:
    I've been reading Old Path White Clouds. Such a beautiful, nourishing book. I feel so happy, calm, and light reading it. I even feel like using exclamation marks and I'm not an exclamation mark type of person (and as such, couldn't find a place where one would really fit ;)).

    Despite all the efforts of my teachers at school and university, and the strictures of my editor, I love the exclamation mark!
  • edited July 2006
    I have a pretty even temperament and am not very expressive verbally either, so not overusing them in writing was never something I had to learn. I should probably try to learn to use fewer parentheses though. (And on the :p smilies.)
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