Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Yes I post in my blog Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I only update this thread with occasional personal milestone blog posts. The next one will probably be when I wear white robes as an Anagarika in about 3 and a half months.
@Cinorjer said:
And just this morning I reached over with my right hand to shave the left side of my head and nicked my left ear. Someone had to point out at work I had dried blood all over my ear. ** Embarrassing.** Nobody thinks about problems like that when they picture a monk's life, do they?
Try just being half way through shaving your head when you get called out to fill in for a lecturer who didn't show up for a Dharma talk.
Of course the monk in question just made his own response to the embarrassment be part of the teaching.
I think we should refrain from offering unsolicited advice and merely respond with a "This is just my PoV" only, and ONLY if @Jayantha asks for it specifically..._
last night during the meditation your wise words came into mind and when i analyse that thought there is a realization that even though i accepted those wise words till then i hadn't thanked you both or didn't make any response to show those are wise words
then i analysed why i did so and then the realization came that it was because of my pride
and then i analysed why i was proud
then a realization came that when i write a post i expect an appreciation (that is the sensuality involve in writing, please do not misunderstand these writing, i speak for myself) and when that expectation isn't fulfilled there is ill-will in the mind
so it was obvious that even though i didn't notice any ill-will, there was ill-will in the mind for the whole time and that is why that thought came into mind during the meditation
so then and there i 'mindfully thank you both for your valuable advice' and mindfully sent loving-kindness (actually compassion) to you both
this is a confession i make in front of all Dhamma-friends in this forum
thank you all because you all help me to come this far in my Dhamma practice
Yes Jay!!!!...you were telling my story in the crossiant post. Bec 99 percent of the food
Thats served at my monastery is Vietnamese...i dont recognize it/prefer it.....
...but when i spot
Veggie eggrolls or potatoes....its mental war the whole walk down the food line!!!! Then
I think....shoot...the eggroll is greasy....or something like that...and it goes like u said.
I thought i was the only one....... Whew...sufferring loves company...hahaha
Thanks @Vastmind for reminding about the post of @Jayantha . I went through some of his posts and it felt refreshing. Thanks @Jayantha for your posts.
The croissant story made me LOL, jay writes well, telling it like it is.
The suffering and attachments are still there in monastic living, just more obvious.
I took no offense to your original post friend . A wise and insightful response however
@Vastmind said:
Yes Jay!!!!...you were telling my story in the crossiant post. Bec 99 percent of the food
Thats served at my monastery is Vietnamese...i dont recognize it/prefer it.....
...but when i spot
Veggie eggrolls or potatoes....its mental war the whole walk down the food line!!!! Then
I think....shoot...the eggroll is greasy....or something like that...and it goes like u said.
I thought i was the only one....... Whew...sufferring loves company...hahaha
always my most vocal supporter LOL, thanks! I didn't mention in this post but being at the monastery the food periods feel more like a chore to me then a time to "enjoy food". Once the enjoyment is taken out of the way it's clinical thoughts of " do I have enough of the various nutritional aspects that I need" and "lets get this over so we can do X". Every once in a while we do get something that perks me up. One time we had a dana where the family brought us Panera Bread catering LOL.
@misecmisc1 said:
Thanks Vastmind for reminding about the post of Jayantha . I went through some of his posts and it felt refreshing. Thanks Jayantha for your posts.
@lobster said:
The croissant story made me LOL, jay writes well, telling it like it is.
The suffering and attachments are still there in monastic living, just more obvious.
Croissants . . . [drool . . .]
glad to see they bring some benefit . Also the young monks and residents here ( 7 men mostly under 40) are all chocolate hounds, and the lay supporters know it lol. I now know which types of chocolate are allowable after 12 and which are not and I've had enough chocolate to where my teeth start to hurt. I certainly do not notice "less" attachments in my mind simply from the act of moving to a monastery for sure.
lol! @Vastmind I'm going to hire you as my social media manager
I'm coming up on 4 months, by end of February/March I'll be here 6 months and time to don the white robes of an Anagarika. The Monastery is going into seclusion for January and February and I'm going to see how much of February I can go trying not to have any contact with other humans. I've been wanting to try this for some time.
and that summit seemed a bit too opulent for a Buddhist one, but still I saw many monks in that video I'd love to meet, besides Brahm.
EDIT: Oh I just earned my "2nd anniversary badge".. can't believe I've been hanging around NB only two years, seems longer lol.
Hi @Vastmind and I'm glad you're doing so well. When I looked at the video, I also marveled at the huge hall filled with art. It reminded me of the cathedrals I saw in England. Not exactly the austere Zen esthetic, is it? But I'd love to walk around and experience it in person.
I'm so used to Buddhism being almost invisible in my neck of the world, it's a bit overwhelming to see what it looks like in a culture where it's been a big part of their world for centuries.
@federica said:
I've been here 10 years, almost - it's honestly flown by!!
I had no idea the website was that old!
0
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
The website was originally carved by a well-meaning cave-dweller, in the neo-bronze-age, who was actually trying to insert a window into a cave wall.
That's how "Windows" originated, you know....
I'm following @Jayantha on tumblr with my own blog. I'm trying to update it regularly, but sometimes it's a struggle. I've made it a place of being mindful and a place to remind myself to keep calm...... or keel over
@dhammachick said:
I'm following Jayantha on tumblr with my own blog. I'm trying to update it regularly, but sometimes it's a struggle. I've made it a place of being mindful and a place to remind myself to keep calm...... or keel over
which is your blog? I hesitate to follow some of the people who follow me because I go on their pages and they have nudity and pornography, not something I should see in my post feed once I become a monk lol.
@Jayantha said:
which is your blog? I hesitate to follow some of the people who follow me because I go on their pages and they have nudity and pornography, not something I should see in my post feed once I become a monk lol.
BHAVANA RESIDENT PROFILES: An ongoing series of profiles of residents at the Bhavana Society Forest Monastery and Retreat Center in West Virginia
________________ PROFILE: Jayantha
Q: How long have you been at Bhavana?
JAYANTHA: Just about four months now.
Q: What does your Pali name mean?
JAYANTHA: Jayantha means “victorious one,” although I also go by just “J” for those who have a hard time remembering the Pali names. It fits since my birth name is Joe.
Q: What is your daily life like at Bhavana?
JAYANTHA: Surprisingly, not all that different than daily life in any other way I’ve ever experienced it. There are parts of the day I love, and parts of the day I don’t. There is plenty of work, some free time, and meditation time. One thing that has struck me as ironic was the feeling of having more time to learn Dhamma as a lay person living at home then I do residing at Bhavana. But the sense of purpose I get from being here far outweighs anything I felt in lay life.
An average day for me is 4 a.m. wakeup call, some yoga or reading until 5 a.m. meditation. Then, 6-6:30 a.m. Puja Chanting; 7 a.m. is breakfast; 8:30-10:30 a.m. work; 11 a.m. is lunch; 12-2 p.m. is free time; 2-4 p.m. is a work period, then there’s 5 p.m. meditation, the 6:30 p.m. Puja and meditation until bed. I’m usually in bed by 8 p.m. for some reading and lights out by 9 p.m..
Q: How much interaction do you have with monks and nuns?
JAYANTHA: Living with them I have interactions daily, however most of those interactions are related to taking care of their needs or the needs of the monastery in general. Occasionally I get to have moments where I am struck by the straight normal humanity of these men in robes who tend to be put on a pedestal and worshiped as something above humanity.
I have thoroughly enjoyed my chances to drive the monastics to various Dhamma teachings or medical appointments. Those hours in a car are prime time for questions, learning, and discussion, when we don’t have a Dhamma talk coming from the radio speakers.
Q: Do you intend to ordain?
JAYANTHA: I wouldn’t have left a good career and a promising photography business at the age of 36 if I didn’t. My story is not unlike many western monastics I’ve read, I had pretty much anything and everything society says equates to an awesome life. But it just isn’t enough, there’s something more out there, and being a truthseeker all my life I’ve come to find that the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths are about as universal as they come.
Yes, my only purpose for coming to Bhavana is to ordain, to enhance my journey towards the deathless and become a worthy and skillful teacher of Dhamma to fellow Westerners in the future.
Q: What did your family and friends think about you becoming a long-term resident at a Buddhist monastery?
JAYANTHA: My plan for ordination was over four years old by the time I became a resident. My family and friends knew that I would be coming to Bhavana for years, although I don’t think it really sunk in that I was serious until the last six months.
I was the only Buddhist I knew in my daily life. For the most part I don’t think my family and friends really understand what I’m doing or why I’m doing it. But they are still amazingly supportive and although it hurts them that I left, they bear the pain with a light heart knowing that I’m happy here. They also know that I can quit and come home any time, even if I make it to full ordination. So, maybe there is a little hope being clung to there, ha-ha!
Q: What kind of work do you do around the monastery?
JAYANTHA: In my four months at the monastery, I’ve done everything from making wooden stairs to painting, cooking, a million little basic maintenance tasks and plenty of work cutting down dead trees, processing logs, splitting firewood etc. I’ve also coordinated multiple retreats, which is very fun and rewarding, but mentally draining at the same time. With four hours of work period in the day, monthly retreats, and a 30-year-old monastery always in need of some repair or upgrade, the work is never ending and finding a balance is key.
Q: In what ways has being a resident deepened your practice?
JAYANTHA: Bhavana is not the kind of place for someone to come and expect to be attached to a teacher and learn everything from scratch from them. Being a little naive, I had assumed this is how it would be, after about seven years of practicing on my own and learning Dhamma via the Internet and books.
Bhavana is very big on self reliance, so my style of self-practice and self-learning has fit well in here. I am lucky enough to have teachers like Bhante G close at hand and being able to live in a place that has monthly retreats (which is really the only time I get to sit and learn Dhamma). So, in that respect it has been a great benefit.
Also, just living in the woods on the side of a mountain, which is a big change from my old crowded home of New Jersey, is enough to help deepen your practice. I love escaping deeper up the mountain to meditate in solitude in the woods.
A final aspect as to how it has deepened my practice is related to others. I feel my life is so much more meaningful now because everything I do here at Bhavana is for the benefit of fellow Dhamma practitioners who come to Bhavana to practice and search for awakening. This has been a great boost to my own practice.
Q: Do you sometimes miss the world outside the monastery?
JAYANTHA: Not really, no. However, I had plenty of years of practice to develop nibbida (disenchantment) to the point where coming to Bhavana has felt more like a prisoner being released from jail, as opposed to being put in one, which is what many people feel would be the opposite when they think about being sequestered at a forest monastery, living like a monk.
The only thing from my old life that I miss are my family and friends whom I made deep connections with in my past 36 years, most especially my 10-year-old nephew. It has been hard for me, but much more so for them because it seems like I’ve disappeared from the world, but in fact I’m still here .
Q: What advice would you have for someone contemplating being a resident at Bhavana?
JAYANTHA: I’ve seen two types of residents in my years of visiting monasteries. You have the men and women who are intent on ordination, and those who are in these sort of in-between periods of their lives, whether its young kids out of college or middle ages and older people searching for their purpose or next step in life.
If someone is planning to ordain, I can only say that they should make sure 100% that this is something they really want to do, and to accept the fact that they may change their minds once the reality sets in. I still have quite a ways to go in my own path towards ordination. I may become a monk, or I may decide it’s not for me; all things are uncertain.
The path that brought me to this point however was a long one of practice, study, and speaking to monastics and others on the same path about their experiences and advice moving forward. I also continue to “check” myself on a regular basis, asking myself if this is really what I want to do by comparing my current life to a possible life as a lay person, even with the best conditions of good job, family, business, house, money etc etc. So far, the response has always been a “no way”. Take your time, don’t rush, develop your practice, and if it happens it will happen.
I remember over three years ago, the first time I came to the Bhavana Society was for a Thanksgiving retreat. My first interview with Bhante G I gave him my intentions to want to come and ordain in a few years. He did not appear to take it very seriously as indeed he spoke about the droves of people who have come to Bhavana over the years seeking ordination who left within the first few months. From that first interview until now, I came to Bhavana as often as I could (I lived five hours away, but usually made it every other month), made myself known, showed my desire to move forward. That was advice given to me by a young monk six years ago, and it’s the advice I pass along now. I’m always willing to speak to anyone who has questions (feel free to contact me through my blog at http://jayantha.tumblr.com/
If you have no plans to ordain, my only caution is to not use a monastery as a place to hide out from the world (even monks can’t really do that, they live in the world as well!). This does not help you but could indeed hinder you in moving forward. You can learn a lot and develop spiritually in a monastery, but you can also grow stagnant and unsure, allowing more and more time to pass as you grow further from the outside world.
Good to see you are making friends with all the right extreme ascetics. I feel your friend could do with a higher protein diet in her bowl. Hope she does not keep you from ordaining, reminds me of a lot of super models . . .
I now have a Thai skull mala, to remind me to be dharma trendy - we lay people like to keep up with all the latest watch fashions.
You blog with honesty, integrity and clarity, thus inspiring. Keep up the good work. Bravo.
This is my buddy Jack Jr. We have a skeleton hanging in front of our meditation hall that I nicknamed Jack, and when another resident and I were shopping for a retreat during the Halloween season I saw Jack Jr at Costco.. I had to have it for the male dorms!
Every Buddhist dorm needs a skeleton
Only after I made this picture my facebook profile pic did I realize it can also be a bit of a mock of people's "couples" pics ahaha. Bhante Suddhaso, a young monk here said that death is the one friend that will never abandon you, and he is so right.
Spent February in seclusion, here is my blog post about it. Was quite an experience to go a full month totally disconnected and secluded. Which you might say... wait you live in a monastery! but you'd be surprised how BUSY Bhavana Society is ahah, yes you can seclude yourself even deeper.
An experience I had on the mountain one morning during seclusion, relating to the difference between experience, and how we conceptualize experience. human being vs human doing.
wow the hits keep on coming. Bhante G surprised me with the Anagarika Ceremony Today! I'm now Anagarika Jayantha.
Three years ago this month here at Bhavana I took the 8 Lifetime Precepts with Bhante G, now on this auspicious full moon day I've begun the next step on my path towards becoming a monk. I was given the 8 Monastic Precepts during the Anagarika ceremony.
From here on in I wear white clothing/robes for the next 8 months or so, and hopefully if all goes well most likely November 1st will be my novice monk ordination.
Those of you who know my clothing color preferences know it's no small Irony that I'm wearing all white from here on in.. I've gone from Yin to Yang.
An experience I had on the mountain one morning during seclusion, relating to the difference between experience, and how we conceptualize experience. human being vs human doing.
That was lovely mate.
Just remember, it's not the sun rising, it is the earth setting
Thank you (as always) for sharing your journey with us.
Tee hee. You'll be back to front before you know it and then turn around and spin. What a wonderful picture. How wonderful. As it is impolite to hug monks, unless TNH sanctioned we will have to remain pure . . .
{{{{ cyber hug }}}}
(no vows broken)
0
DavidA human residing in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Ancestral territory of the Erie, Haudenosaunee, Huron-Wendat, Mississauga and Neutral First NationsVeteran
Is it really impolite to hug a monk?
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us, @Jayantha. And congratulations!
I know your in the process of lightening your load....but several of us are close enough that if you need anything.....let us know. It's easily doable.
I don't want to sound all Mommy and stuff.....but yes...I see the weight loss...who do we have to call to get you an extra bowl of rice?.... ....
Seriously....please don't hesitate to let me know if we can do something for you and/or the Brothers and Sisters...just post it here.....
@Bunks said:
Just remember, it's not the sun rising, it is the earth setting
Dang! you got me lol. I've enjoyed having a very starry night in my life these days, I can actually learn the constellations and see whats there every night.
@lobster said:
Tee hee. You'll be back to front before you know it and then turn around and spin. What a wonderful picture. How wonderful. As it is impolite to hug monks, unless TNH sanctioned we will have to remain pure . . .
{{{{ cyber hug }}}}
(no vows broken)
@ourself said:
Is it really impolite to hug a monk?
as far as I know its not against the Vinaya(monks rules) for the monk to be hugged by a man, the only issue is when a monk intentionally has contact with a woman with lust in the mind, but essentially its suggested to avoid all physical contact with women just for appearances sake. It's technically even a breach of rule(very minor one) to hug your mother or sisters(of which I have both, no brothers).
Some else COULD technically hug you, and its not a rule breach, per say.
@Vastmind said:
I know your in the process of lightening your load....but several of us are close enough that if you need anything.....let us know. It's easily doable.
I don't want to sound all Mommy and stuff.....but yes...I see the weight loss...who do we have to call to get you an extra bowl of rice?.... ....
Seriously....please don't hesitate to let me know if we can do something for you and/or the Brothers and Sisters...just post it here.....
thanks mom! lol. I'm already feeling a bit weird not even a monk yet and people around Bhavana are all ready to take care of me. This will be something I need to get use to as I hear it's especially bad when you are a western monk. One monk tells me that western monks are "rock stars" in the Buddhist world LOL... oi.
as far as the weight loss, its not so bad, im still at about 185-190lbs. I've always had to be very careful because of my weight loss surgery to try and get the most I can of the little I can eat in the two meals a day, thankfully my stomach has stretched and I'm getting better at managing what I eat so that I rarely feel dizzy or anything like that. There is always tons of food here at Bhavana, so it's not a fault on their end! lol.
anyways I will always accept any help from my friends, it took me a lot of years to learn to accept help, but now I do it quick and with gratitude .
Ah yes, thanks for video. Not much to say Eh? . . . that be the mellowing. Glad you posted a video. I would suggest that being quiet, in a quiet place makes us . . . who guessed . . . quiet and more at peace.
Funny that.
I have been on a short retreat that ends today. I delved out into 'the world' today. It is still there, bustling over things of no importance, when trees need watching to make sure they are supporting birds and reaching for the sky.
How wonderful and cool to be living in a monastery as you say. Today being a heretical lay semi-Buddhist, I ventured into a renegade dharma centre/Church where they had one of my favourite Boddhisatvas - Isis aka the Mother of Bodhi Isa. Yep as the faithful were praying with the local robed one, I sneaked this pic of The Black Madonna & son . . .
Notice Bodhi Jesus is also all in white and carries a peaceful dove and blesses us with the traditional greeting Mudra:
Recent posting of mine as I've been doing some life contemplation:
Ive been doing a lot of contemplation on my life lately. One of the good things about living at a monastery is that even if its busy you can still find a little time for said activity.
Ive come to the conclusion that there are two things in this life that have brought me the most joy and happiness.
Those two thing are:
1) the freedom I'm ever so slowly developing through insight gained in my meditation practice. There truely is no deeper joy.
2) the true pure joy of knowing you've played a part in helping someone else better their lives in some way or get through something tough. Whether thats been helping my wife through the last years of her life, helping to raise my nephew into a good person, to the handful of times i helped a parent determined to better themselves at CPS and saw the transformation, to doing what i could to motivate a goruck teammate or a bhavana retreatant not to quit.
I've come to realize that even though I dream of being by myself in the woods meditating for the rest of my life, im at my best when doing what I can to help others. Since a small child ive always wanted to help others.
Sometimes I joke to myself that i must be like that guy from one of my favorite tv shows quantum leap, who leaps into the bodies of others to help fix people's lives etc.
but ive come to realize that helping without wisdom can be something that does more harm then good. Now I try to stick to my limits of what i can do and point elsewhere when the situation is beyond me.
So I just need to make sure ive helped myself before i help others, because as the buddha said.. If you are stuck in a raging river and can't cross, how can you help others cross?
Im so very grateful for all the people ive met in this life and all the experiences ive had, "good" or "bad". Im most grateful now to be in a place where i can do the upmost to help myself and others better our lives, and through doing so the world around us as well.
Now I try to stick to my limits of what i can do and point elsewhere when the situation is beyond me.
Good plan.
The Shakyamuni Buddha that some may have heard of, started with himself, then his former ascetic friends on the super model diet.
As we recognise the incredible ripple effect of helping one person (ourself) and how this improves our altruistic sharing we are always working within rather than beyond our capacity.
I've been Anagarika now for about four months, with four months left to go till ordination most likely. I figured I'd share check in and also share an interesting first I had today .
I had an interesting “first” today. I spent the day in Washington DC with one of the monastics visiting the local temple and some families. The last family of the day after doing their prostrations in front of the monk, then preceded, mother, father and children, to do the same to me.
This is something I knew I would have to deal with as a monk, did not expect it so soon, not being a monastic yet. My sister,freaked out a bit when our father’s doctor slightly bowed to me while shaking my hand a few weeks back. I heard her say under her breath “ he’s still my brother”, and could only giggle. I can only imagine her reaction when she sees this haha.
We westerners have real hang ups when it comes to bowing and prostrating, we view it as a sort of degrading and groveling kind of thing, where in Asia its a matter of paying respects. I’ve gone from someone who never did it to now someone who does it a dozen times a day or more as the monks do. We also do it to pay respects to the monks as we meet them, and the monks do the same to monks who are senior to them. In short “everybody’s doing it!”
Bhante G explained it’s purpose to me as a practice of developing humility, a humble mind, and showing respects to the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha, as our guides and refuge in the practice. For me this extends to Bhante G, whom I gladly pay respects to when he leaves to go away for a time, and then when he returns as a “welcome back”. I saw one of my favorite monks today and it brings a gladness to my heart and a smile on my face to show my respects to him.
When we bow to the monks we are not bowing to the individual person, it’s not a practice in inflating someone’s head that they are important, but it’s a matter of respecting the ideals of the monkhood and the virtuous life that they hopefully lead. In fact when you bow to the monks they say “ sukhi hotu” (may you be happy), and so when the family bowed to me, after quickly regaining my composure this is what I did, wishing them may they be happy, and thanking them for their hospitality.
This event brought up to me the fact that as it’s said in the old discourses, monks are “debters”, ie we live totally Dependant on others for food, shelter, clothing, and medicine. How we pay off that debt is by meditating and learning so that we can then help others, teach them dhamma, meditation etc.
Sometimes as I get closer to my ordination I feel like I’m not even worthy to be a monk, then I feel that I can really give it a good go and work my best to be a good example for others. When I do become one I must take my “debt” seriously and make sure I am doing my best to repay the generosity given to me by living a virtuous life, practicing diligently and learning studiously. The last thing I want to do is squander this amazing generosity, and the respect given to me, I don’t think I could live with myself or even call myself a monk then.
I know what you mean. I often don't feel worthy of the praise/generosity I receive (what little of it there is), and I suspect that many of us don't. We all have our weaknesses, our flaws; and those things can be augmented when we find ourselves around those we hold in high regard. Compared to some of the monks, nuns, and priests I've known, I feel inadequate, inferior. I feel like I have so much work to do; and I can only imagine how amplified that feeling would be living around someone like Bhante G or any of my teachers. That said, the fact that you're seriously considering devoting your life to the practice in the hopes of bettering yourself, and maybe even one day helping others as your teachers are helping you, is something that I think is worthy of respect and gifts. What's more, I'm of the opinion that being able to give is a greater gift and blessing than to receive, so you providing the opportunity for someone else to give is as much a blessing for them as it is for you. Good luck on the next months.
3
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
@Straight_Man said:
Jayantha , do you as one who is an anagarika regard yourself as a novice monk now, or do you become one at ordination as monk in your tradition?
Anagarika is a lay person, my ordination(pabbajja aka going forth) will most likely be at Katina on November 1st.
A year from that I take the higher ordination (Upasampada) as a Bhikkhu
@Jason I'm not familiar with your journey, what is your situation?
Comments
jayantha.tumblr.com/post/101943717973/first-visit-home
I missed that he even had a blog. Wondered how he was doing. @Jayantha I enjoyed the gift of your blog. Keep on truckin'!
Yes I post in my blog Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I only update this thread with occasional personal milestone blog posts. The next one will probably be when I wear white robes as an Anagarika in about 3 and a half months.
Try just being half way through shaving your head when you get called out to fill in for a lecturer who didn't show up for a Dharma talk.
Of course the monk in question just made his own response to the embarrassment be part of the teaching.
_
I think it might be wise if we refrained from offering jay advice about practice. In his situation this is a job for senior monastics or the abbot.
I'm inclined to agree.
Thanks @Chaz and thanks @federica for your wise words
last night during the meditation your wise words came into mind and when i analyse that thought there is a realization that even though i accepted those wise words till then i hadn't thanked you both or didn't make any response to show those are wise words
then i analysed why i did so and then the realization came that it was because of my pride
and then i analysed why i was proud
then a realization came that when i write a post i expect an appreciation (that is the sensuality involve in writing, please do not misunderstand these writing, i speak for myself) and when that expectation isn't fulfilled there is ill-will in the mind
so it was obvious that even though i didn't notice any ill-will, there was ill-will in the mind for the whole time and that is why that thought came into mind during the meditation
so then and there i 'mindfully thank you both for your valuable advice' and mindfully sent loving-kindness (actually compassion) to you both
this is a confession i make in front of all Dhamma-friends in this forum
thank you all because you all help me to come this far in my Dhamma practice
Thank You All Again
Yes Jay!!!!...you were telling my story in the crossiant post. Bec 99 percent of the food
Thats served at my monastery is Vietnamese...i dont recognize it/prefer it.....
...but when i spot
Veggie eggrolls or potatoes....its mental war the whole walk down the food line!!!! Then
I think....shoot...the eggroll is greasy....or something like that...and it goes like u said.
I thought i was the only one....... Whew...sufferring loves company...hahaha
Thanks @Vastmind for reminding about the post of @Jayantha . I went through some of his posts and it felt refreshing. Thanks @Jayantha for your posts.
The croissant story made me LOL, jay writes well, telling it like it is.
The suffering and attachments are still there in monastic living, just more obvious.
Croissants . . . [drool . . .]
I took no offense to your original post friend
. A wise and insightful response however
always my most vocal supporter LOL, thanks! I didn't mention in this post but being at the monastery the food periods feel more like a chore to me then a time to "enjoy food". Once the enjoyment is taken out of the way it's clinical thoughts of " do I have enough of the various nutritional aspects that I need" and "lets get this over so we can do X". Every once in a while we do get something that perks me up. One time we had a dana where the family brought us Panera Bread catering LOL.
glad to see they bring some benefit
. Also the young monks and residents here ( 7 men mostly under 40) are all chocolate hounds, and the lay supporters know it lol. I now know which types of chocolate are allowable after 12 and which are not and I've had enough chocolate to where my teeth start to hurt. I certainly do not notice "less" attachments in my mind simply from the act of moving to a monastery for sure.
thanks
Bumped. Our favorite wanna-be Monk.
He posted a little 9 min video with pics from the Sixth Buddhist Summit in Japan, this year that just wrapped up.
http://jayantha.tumblr.com/
lol! @Vastmind I'm going to hire you as my social media manager
I'm coming up on 4 months, by end of February/March I'll be here 6 months and time to don the white robes of an Anagarika. The Monastery is going into seclusion for January and February and I'm going to see how much of February I can go trying not to have any contact with other humans. I've been wanting to try this for some time.
and that summit seemed a bit too opulent for a Buddhist one, but still I saw many monks in that video I'd love to meet, besides Brahm.
EDIT: Oh I just earned my "2nd anniversary badge".. can't believe I've been hanging around NB only two years, seems longer lol.
Hi @Vastmind and I'm glad you're doing so well. When I looked at the video, I also marveled at the huge hall filled with art. It reminded me of the cathedrals I saw in England. Not exactly the austere Zen esthetic, is it? But I'd love to walk around and experience it in person.
I'm so used to Buddhism being almost invisible in my neck of the world, it's a bit overwhelming to see what it looks like in a culture where it's been a big part of their world for centuries.
This sounds like an internship!
I do not say this with negative connotations, but I hope your bhavana, brings you closer to your real self - the detox you talk of!
I look forward to hearing your next feed.
Metta bhavana @Jayantha
>
I've been here 10 years, almost - it's honestly flown by!!
I had no idea the website was that old!
The website was originally carved by a well-meaning cave-dweller, in the neo-bronze-age, who was actually trying to insert a window into a cave wall.
That's how "Windows" originated, you know....
I'm following @Jayantha on tumblr with my own blog. I'm trying to update it regularly, but sometimes it's a struggle. I've made it a place of being mindful and a place to remind myself to keep calm...... or keel over
which is your blog? I hesitate to follow some of the people who follow me because I go on their pages and they have nudity and pornography, not something I should see in my post feed once I become a monk lol.
Something to share with you all
Bhavana Society Resident Profile: Jayantha
BHAVANA RESIDENT PROFILES: An ongoing series of profiles of residents at the Bhavana Society Forest Monastery and Retreat Center in West Virginia
________________ PROFILE: Jayantha
Q: How long have you been at Bhavana?
JAYANTHA: Just about four months now.
Q: What does your Pali name mean?
JAYANTHA: Jayantha means “victorious one,” although I also go by just “J” for those who have a hard time remembering the Pali names. It fits since my birth name is Joe.
Q: What is your daily life like at Bhavana?
JAYANTHA: Surprisingly, not all that different than daily life in any other way I’ve ever experienced it. There are parts of the day I love, and parts of the day I don’t. There is plenty of work, some free time, and meditation time. One thing that has struck me as ironic was the feeling of having more time to learn Dhamma as a lay person living at home then I do residing at Bhavana. But the sense of purpose I get from being here far outweighs anything I felt in lay life.
An average day for me is 4 a.m. wakeup call, some yoga or reading until 5 a.m. meditation. Then, 6-6:30 a.m. Puja Chanting; 7 a.m. is breakfast; 8:30-10:30 a.m. work; 11 a.m. is lunch; 12-2 p.m. is free time; 2-4 p.m. is a work period, then there’s 5 p.m. meditation, the 6:30 p.m. Puja and meditation until bed. I’m usually in bed by 8 p.m. for some reading and lights out by 9 p.m..
Q: How much interaction do you have with monks and nuns?
JAYANTHA: Living with them I have interactions daily, however most of those interactions are related to taking care of their needs or the needs of the monastery in general. Occasionally I get to have moments where I am struck by the straight normal humanity of these men in robes who tend to be put on a pedestal and worshiped as something above humanity.
I have thoroughly enjoyed my chances to drive the monastics to various Dhamma teachings or medical appointments. Those hours in a car are prime time for questions, learning, and discussion, when we don’t have a Dhamma talk coming from the radio speakers.
Q: Do you intend to ordain?
JAYANTHA: I wouldn’t have left a good career and a promising photography business at the age of 36 if I didn’t. My story is not unlike many western monastics I’ve read, I had pretty much anything and everything society says equates to an awesome life. But it just isn’t enough, there’s something more out there, and being a truthseeker all my life I’ve come to find that the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths are about as universal as they come.
Yes, my only purpose for coming to Bhavana is to ordain, to enhance my journey towards the deathless and become a worthy and skillful teacher of Dhamma to fellow Westerners in the future.
Q: What did your family and friends think about you becoming a long-term resident at a Buddhist monastery?
JAYANTHA: My plan for ordination was over four years old by the time I became a resident. My family and friends knew that I would be coming to Bhavana for years, although I don’t think it really sunk in that I was serious until the last six months.
I was the only Buddhist I knew in my daily life. For the most part I don’t think my family and friends really understand what I’m doing or why I’m doing it. But they are still amazingly supportive and although it hurts them that I left, they bear the pain with a light heart knowing that I’m happy here. They also know that I can quit and come home any time, even if I make it to full ordination. So, maybe there is a little hope being clung to there, ha-ha!
Q: What kind of work do you do around the monastery?
JAYANTHA: In my four months at the monastery, I’ve done everything from making wooden stairs to painting, cooking, a million little basic maintenance tasks and plenty of work cutting down dead trees, processing logs, splitting firewood etc. I’ve also coordinated multiple retreats, which is very fun and rewarding, but mentally draining at the same time. With four hours of work period in the day, monthly retreats, and a 30-year-old monastery always in need of some repair or upgrade, the work is never ending and finding a balance is key.
Q: In what ways has being a resident deepened your practice?
JAYANTHA: Bhavana is not the kind of place for someone to come and expect to be attached to a teacher and learn everything from scratch from them. Being a little naive, I had assumed this is how it would be, after about seven years of practicing on my own and learning Dhamma via the Internet and books.
Bhavana is very big on self reliance, so my style of self-practice and self-learning has fit well in here. I am lucky enough to have teachers like Bhante G close at hand and being able to live in a place that has monthly retreats (which is really the only time I get to sit and learn Dhamma). So, in that respect it has been a great benefit.
Also, just living in the woods on the side of a mountain, which is a big change from my old crowded home of New Jersey, is enough to help deepen your practice. I love escaping deeper up the mountain to meditate in solitude in the woods.
A final aspect as to how it has deepened my practice is related to others. I feel my life is so much more meaningful now because everything I do here at Bhavana is for the benefit of fellow Dhamma practitioners who come to Bhavana to practice and search for awakening. This has been a great boost to my own practice.
Q: Do you sometimes miss the world outside the monastery?
JAYANTHA: Not really, no. However, I had plenty of years of practice to develop nibbida (disenchantment) to the point where coming to Bhavana has felt more like a prisoner being released from jail, as opposed to being put in one, which is what many people feel would be the opposite when they think about being sequestered at a forest monastery, living like a monk.
The only thing from my old life that I miss are my family and friends whom I made deep connections with in my past 36 years, most especially my 10-year-old nephew. It has been hard for me, but much more so for them because it seems like I’ve disappeared from the world, but in fact I’m still here .
Q: What advice would you have for someone contemplating being a resident at Bhavana?
JAYANTHA: I’ve seen two types of residents in my years of visiting monasteries. You have the men and women who are intent on ordination, and those who are in these sort of in-between periods of their lives, whether its young kids out of college or middle ages and older people searching for their purpose or next step in life.
If someone is planning to ordain, I can only say that they should make sure 100% that this is something they really want to do, and to accept the fact that they may change their minds once the reality sets in. I still have quite a ways to go in my own path towards ordination. I may become a monk, or I may decide it’s not for me; all things are uncertain.
The path that brought me to this point however was a long one of practice, study, and speaking to monastics and others on the same path about their experiences and advice moving forward. I also continue to “check” myself on a regular basis, asking myself if this is really what I want to do by comparing my current life to a possible life as a lay person, even with the best conditions of good job, family, business, house, money etc etc. So far, the response has always been a “no way”. Take your time, don’t rush, develop your practice, and if it happens it will happen.
I remember over three years ago, the first time I came to the Bhavana Society was for a Thanksgiving retreat. My first interview with Bhante G I gave him my intentions to want to come and ordain in a few years. He did not appear to take it very seriously as indeed he spoke about the droves of people who have come to Bhavana over the years seeking ordination who left within the first few months. From that first interview until now, I came to Bhavana as often as I could (I lived five hours away, but usually made it every other month), made myself known, showed my desire to move forward. That was advice given to me by a young monk six years ago, and it’s the advice I pass along now. I’m always willing to speak to anyone who has questions (feel free to contact me through my blog at http://jayantha.tumblr.com/
If you have no plans to ordain, my only caution is to not use a monastery as a place to hide out from the world (even monks can’t really do that, they live in the world as well!). This does not help you but could indeed hinder you in moving forward. You can learn a lot and develop spiritually in a monastery, but you can also grow stagnant and unsure, allowing more and more time to pass as you grow further from the outside world.
Good to see you are making friends with all the right extreme ascetics. I feel your friend could do with a higher protein diet in her bowl. Hope she does not keep you from ordaining, reminds me of a lot of super models . . .
I now have a Thai skull mala, to remind me to be dharma trendy - we lay people like to keep up with all the latest watch fashions.
You blog with honesty, integrity and clarity, thus inspiring. Keep up the good work. Bravo.
lol! like the skulls.
This is my buddy Jack Jr. We have a skeleton hanging in front of our meditation hall that I nicknamed Jack, and when another resident and I were shopping for a retreat during the Halloween season I saw Jack Jr at Costco.. I had to have it for the male dorms!
Every Buddhist dorm needs a skeleton
Only after I made this picture my facebook profile pic did I realize it can also be a bit of a mock of people's "couples" pics ahaha. Bhante Suddhaso, a young monk here said that death is the one friend that will never abandon you, and he is so right.
If this is not a great and wondrous journey of discovery for you, you're on the wrong path.
http://jayantha.tumblr.com/post/112712439593/february-2015-31-days-of-seclusion
Spent February in seclusion, here is my blog post about it. Was quite an experience to go a full month totally disconnected and secluded. Which you might say... wait you live in a monastery! but you'd be surprised how BUSY Bhavana Society is ahah, yes you can seclude yourself even deeper.
http://jayantha.tumblr.com/post/112784021968/2-17-15-experience-vs-conceptualization
An experience I had on the mountain one morning during seclusion, relating to the difference between experience, and how we conceptualize experience. human being vs human doing.
wow the hits keep on coming. Bhante G surprised me with the Anagarika Ceremony Today! I'm now Anagarika Jayantha.
Three years ago this month here at Bhavana I took the 8 Lifetime Precepts with Bhante G, now on this auspicious full moon day I've begun the next step on my path towards becoming a monk. I was given the 8 Monastic Precepts during the Anagarika ceremony.
From here on in I wear white clothing/robes for the next 8 months or so, and hopefully if all goes well most likely November 1st will be my novice monk ordination.
Those of you who know my clothing color preferences know it's no small Irony that I'm wearing all white from here on in.. I've gone from Yin to Yang.
Congrats, Jayantha!
All white! So cool! Many felicitations.... !
Wonderful. Metta for your journey my friend.
That was lovely mate.
Just remember, it's not the sun rising, it is the earth setting
Thank you (as always) for sharing your journey with us.
So happy for you @Jayantha Much metta to you
_ /\ _
Tee hee. You'll be back to front before you know it and then turn around and spin. What a wonderful picture. How wonderful. As it is impolite to hug monks, unless TNH sanctioned we will have to remain pure . . .
{{{{ cyber hug }}}}
(no vows broken)
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us, @Jayantha. And congratulations!
Very inspiring.
I know your in the process of lightening your load....but several of us are close enough that if you need anything.....let us know. It's easily doable.
I don't want to sound all Mommy and stuff.....but yes...I see the weight loss...who do we have to call to get you an extra bowl of rice?....
....
Seriously....please don't hesitate to let me know if we can do something for you and/or the Brothers and Sisters...just post it here.....
Thanks everyone! love the comments.
Dang! you got me lol. I've enjoyed having a very starry night in my life these days, I can actually learn the constellations and see whats there every night.
{{{{ cyber hug }}}}
(no vows broken)
as far as I know its not against the Vinaya(monks rules) for the monk to be hugged by a man, the only issue is when a monk intentionally has contact with a woman with lust in the mind, but essentially its suggested to avoid all physical contact with women just for appearances sake. It's technically even a breach of rule(very minor one) to hug your mother or sisters(of which I have both, no brothers).
Some else COULD technically hug you, and its not a rule breach, per say.
thanks mom! lol. I'm already feeling a bit weird not even a monk yet and people around Bhavana are all ready to take care of me. This will be something I need to get use to as I hear it's especially bad when you are a western monk. One monk tells me that western monks are "rock stars" in the Buddhist world LOL... oi.
as far as the weight loss, its not so bad, im still at about 185-190lbs. I've always had to be very careful because of my weight loss surgery to try and get the most I can of the little I can eat in the two meals a day, thankfully my stomach has stretched and I'm getting better at managing what I eat so that I rarely feel dizzy or anything like that. There is always tons of food here at Bhavana, so it's not a fault on their end! lol.
anyways I will always accept any help from my friends, it took me a lot of years to learn to accept help, but now I do it quick and with gratitude
.
Hey! Hey! Your no Lenny Kravitz....lolololol.
My offer stands for everyone here in this flock we call NB. If i can, I will.
If I got it, you got it.
Jay, If you leave tomorrow and go back to 'Jersey...my offer still stands.
Take care of yourself there _/ _ Love, Light and Blessings to you.
[video]
Latest " A Journey Into Homelessness" video for 6 months/anagarika
Ah yes, thanks for video. Not much to say Eh? . . . that be the mellowing. Glad you posted a video. I would suggest that being quiet, in a quiet place makes us . . . who guessed . . . quiet and more at peace.
Funny that.
I have been on a short retreat that ends today. I delved out into 'the world' today. It is still there, bustling over things of no importance, when trees need watching to make sure they are supporting birds and reaching for the sky.
How wonderful and cool to be living in a monastery as you say. Today being a heretical lay semi-Buddhist, I ventured into a renegade dharma centre/Church where they had one of my favourite Boddhisatvas - Isis aka the Mother of Bodhi Isa. Yep as the faithful were praying with the local robed one, I sneaked this pic of The Black Madonna & son . . .
Notice Bodhi Jesus is also all in white and carries a peaceful dove and blesses us with the traditional greeting Mudra:
'Live Long an' Prosper'
Good luck with Pali, study and continued efforts
Congrats on the Anagarika status @Jayantha. Good luck on the path.
Inspirational, @Jayantha. Moving in this direction myself and feeling uplifted and reassured by your vlog.
Recent posting of mine as I've been doing some life contemplation:
Ive been doing a lot of contemplation on my life lately. One of the good things about living at a monastery is that even if its busy you can still find a little time for said activity.
Ive come to the conclusion that there are two things in this life that have brought me the most joy and happiness.
Those two thing are:
1) the freedom I'm ever so slowly developing through insight gained in my meditation practice. There truely is no deeper joy.
2) the true pure joy of knowing you've played a part in helping someone else better their lives in some way or get through something tough. Whether thats been helping my wife through the last years of her life, helping to raise my nephew into a good person, to the handful of times i helped a parent determined to better themselves at CPS and saw the transformation, to doing what i could to motivate a goruck teammate or a bhavana retreatant not to quit.
I've come to realize that even though I dream of being by myself in the woods meditating for the rest of my life, im at my best when doing what I can to help others. Since a small child ive always wanted to help others.
Sometimes I joke to myself that i must be like that guy from one of my favorite tv shows quantum leap, who leaps into the bodies of others to help fix people's lives etc.
but ive come to realize that helping without wisdom can be something that does more harm then good. Now I try to stick to my limits of what i can do and point elsewhere when the situation is beyond me.
So I just need to make sure ive helped myself before i help others, because as the buddha said.. If you are stuck in a raging river and can't cross, how can you help others cross?
Im so very grateful for all the people ive met in this life and all the experiences ive had, "good" or "bad". Im most grateful now to be in a place where i can do the upmost to help myself and others better our lives, and through doing so the world around us as well.
Good plan.
The Shakyamuni Buddha that some may have heard of, started with himself, then his former ascetic friends on the super model diet.
As we recognise the incredible ripple effect of helping one person (ourself) and how this improves our altruistic sharing we are always working within rather than beyond our capacity.
I've been Anagarika now for about four months, with four months left to go till ordination most likely. I figured I'd share check in and also share an interesting first I had today
.
jayantha.tumblr.com/post/122127269148/an-interesting-first-today
An interesting "first" today
I had an interesting “first” today. I spent the day in Washington DC with one of the monastics visiting the local temple and some families. The last family of the day after doing their prostrations in front of the monk, then preceded, mother, father and children, to do the same to me.
This is something I knew I would have to deal with as a monk, did not expect it so soon, not being a monastic yet. My sister,freaked out a bit when our father’s doctor slightly bowed to me while shaking my hand a few weeks back. I heard her say under her breath “ he’s still my brother”, and could only giggle. I can only imagine her reaction when she sees this haha.
We westerners have real hang ups when it comes to bowing and prostrating, we view it as a sort of degrading and groveling kind of thing, where in Asia its a matter of paying respects. I’ve gone from someone who never did it to now someone who does it a dozen times a day or more as the monks do. We also do it to pay respects to the monks as we meet them, and the monks do the same to monks who are senior to them. In short “everybody’s doing it!”
Bhante G explained it’s purpose to me as a practice of developing humility, a humble mind, and showing respects to the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha, as our guides and refuge in the practice. For me this extends to Bhante G, whom I gladly pay respects to when he leaves to go away for a time, and then when he returns as a “welcome back”. I saw one of my favorite monks today and it brings a gladness to my heart and a smile on my face to show my respects to him.
When we bow to the monks we are not bowing to the individual person, it’s not a practice in inflating someone’s head that they are important, but it’s a matter of respecting the ideals of the monkhood and the virtuous life that they hopefully lead. In fact when you bow to the monks they say “ sukhi hotu” (may you be happy), and so when the family bowed to me, after quickly regaining my composure this is what I did, wishing them may they be happy, and thanking them for their hospitality.
This event brought up to me the fact that as it’s said in the old discourses, monks are “debters”, ie we live totally Dependant on others for food, shelter, clothing, and medicine. How we pay off that debt is by meditating and learning so that we can then help others, teach them dhamma, meditation etc.
Sometimes as I get closer to my ordination I feel like I’m not even worthy to be a monk, then I feel that I can really give it a good go and work my best to be a good example for others. When I do become one I must take my “debt” seriously and make sure I am doing my best to repay the generosity given to me by living a virtuous life, practicing diligently and learning studiously. The last thing I want to do is squander this amazing generosity, and the respect given to me, I don’t think I could live with myself or even call myself a monk then.
Good point @Jayantha, you are a novice monk. You are worthy. You are respected. You are lucky. You are inspiring. Keep up the good work.
Bowing, prostrations are both cultural and pragmatic practice and hence worth keeping for their potential to bend the mind/body of the hand shakers.
Gasho.
@Jayantha , do you as one who is an anagarika regard yourself as a novice monk now, or do you become one at ordination as monk in your tradition?
Nice to hear from you @Jayantha (as always).
I really struggled with the whole bowing thing for quite a while but now I am more comfortable with it. I understand its purpose.
Best of luck!
I know what you mean. I often don't feel worthy of the praise/generosity I receive (what little of it there is), and I suspect that many of us don't. We all have our weaknesses, our flaws; and those things can be augmented when we find ourselves around those we hold in high regard. Compared to some of the monks, nuns, and priests I've known, I feel inadequate, inferior. I feel like I have so much work to do; and I can only imagine how amplified that feeling would be living around someone like Bhante G or any of my teachers. That said, the fact that you're seriously considering devoting your life to the practice in the hopes of bettering yourself, and maybe even one day helping others as your teachers are helping you, is something that I think is worthy of respect and gifts. What's more, I'm of the opinion that being able to give is a greater gift and blessing than to receive, so you providing the opportunity for someone else to give is as much a blessing for them as it is for you. Good luck on the next months.
@Jayantha I know how much this means to @Jason....
'Sukhi Hotu' to both of you.
Anagarika is a lay person, my ordination(pabbajja aka going forth) will most likely be at Katina on November 1st.
A year from that I take the higher ordination (Upasampada) as a Bhikkhu
@Jason I'm not familiar with your journey, what is your situation?