Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
@federica said:
Oh I remember Tommy Cooper; my husband met him. He could drink anyone under the table.
And (not wanting to be a party pooper, but) I watched him literally die, on stage.
I never found Tommy Cooper particularly funny or his appeal. Then I found out he was an alcoholic. Severe. Then it made sense.
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
2
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
"U wull grant ut". Is what it should say.
0
personDon't believe everything you thinkThe liminal spaceVeteran
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed with the dog.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, Do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed with the monkey.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
JeroenLuminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlandsVeteran
President Jimmy Carter, former President Ford, Henry Kissinger, a priest and a hippy were in a plane together. There was a storm, and the pilot rushes into the passenger cabin. He says, “we’ve been hit by a lightning bolt and the plane is going down. The co-pilot and crew are dead. Here are four parachutes, sort out among yourselves who gets them.” With that he bails out. Jimmy Carter speaks first. “As President the fate of the free world is on my shoulders. I’m sure you’ll agree I should survive”, and he dons a parachute and jumps. Ford speaks next, “well I never did anyone any harm, and I have a golf date next week,” and he bails out with a parachute. Then Kissinger says, “I am the smartest man in the world, I should live”, and he jumps out. The priest then says to the hippy “I have had a fulfilled life and am not afraid to meet my maker, go ahead my son”, to which the hippy replies, “but Father, there are two parachutes left, because the smartest man in the world just jumped with my rucksack.”
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
1
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
1
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
1
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
I bought a large map of the world, gave my husband a dart, and told him,
"wherever that dart lands, I'd like to go for our holidays."
Turns out we're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge...
3
JeroenLuminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlandsVeteran
70% of the world’s surface is water, so you’d probably spend it on a boat if it hits
0
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
5
JeroenLuminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlandsVeteran
I just wanted to share this, a friend said it to me this morning…
Jeroen, many spiritual people are not sceptics, they are septics. Existence has been playing with them by giving them brain rot. One of the symptoms of this debilitating disease is that it often prompts its victims to speak in tired spiritual cliches that actually mean very little. The sad thing about it is that the brain rot victim is in such a sorry state they are fooled into believing they are speaking highly original words of wisdom.
You know, like “Existence is working on you”. “Existence is playing with you” is similar. It is all recycled bunkum and strictly for the dummies.
I laughed-out-loud, really, it hit my funny bone.
2
JeroenLuminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlandsVeteran
Friedrich Nietzsche killed God, and Sigmund Freud buried the corpse.
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home so she puts her lover in the closet not realizing that her son is hiding in there.
The little boy says ”It’s dark in here”
The man replies ”Yes, it is”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together once again.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy,
“How much?”
Boy – “$750”
Man – “Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy – “$1,000”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that again!’
Comments
Comedians often tend to have a dark side.
"U wull grant ut". Is what it should say.
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed with the dog.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, Do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed with the monkey.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humour ....
He is the exception that proves the rule. He is actually incredibly funny.
Flula Borg, another funny German. Watch Out!
Get your mind out the gutter
President Jimmy Carter, former President Ford, Henry Kissinger, a priest and a hippy were in a plane together. There was a storm, and the pilot rushes into the passenger cabin. He says, “we’ve been hit by a lightning bolt and the plane is going down. The co-pilot and crew are dead. Here are four parachutes, sort out among yourselves who gets them.” With that he bails out. Jimmy Carter speaks first. “As President the fate of the free world is on my shoulders. I’m sure you’ll agree I should survive”, and he dons a parachute and jumps. Ford speaks next, “well I never did anyone any harm, and I have a golf date next week,” and he bails out with a parachute. Then Kissinger says, “I am the smartest man in the world, I should live”, and he jumps out. The priest then says to the hippy “I have had a fulfilled life and am not afraid to meet my maker, go ahead my son”, to which the hippy replies, “but Father, there are two parachutes left, because the smartest man in the world just jumped with my rucksack.”
“Some people need a fundalini awakening.”
I wonder if this is how non-Buddhists may see us?
Q. What is wrong, Nietzsche?
A. Nothing.
Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.
Those all look pretty benign to me.
"It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a 30 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering"
I bought a large map of the world, gave my husband a dart, and told him,
"wherever that dart lands, I'd like to go for our holidays."
Turns out we're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge...
70% of the world’s surface is water, so you’d probably spend it on a boat if it hits
I just wanted to share this, a friend said it to me this morning…
I laughed-out-loud, really, it hit my funny bone.
Friedrich Nietzsche killed God, and Sigmund Freud buried the corpse.
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home so she puts her lover in the closet not realizing that her son is hiding in there.
The little boy says ”It’s dark in here”
The man replies ”Yes, it is”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together once again.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy,
“How much?”
Boy – “$750”
Man – “Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy – “$1,000”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that again!’
it never rain in Sunny South...WHAT! RAIN! Qiuck frab the robber raft and scuba gear!
One of my all-time favorite scenes
I have included a funny but not sure what Markdown to make it visible @Linc
My therapist says I have an obsession with vengeance. We’ll see about that!!!