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One of my old sites (slowly falling to bits, too many adds but the gist is there...)
Have not seen this for years. Sure you will find an olde favourite...
JeroenLuminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlandsVeteran
A man goes to a doctor and says, “I think I’m dead.” The doctor, puzzled, asks, “Do dead people bleed?” The man says, “No, of course not.” The doctor pricks his finger, and blood flows out. The man looks at it, astonished, and shouts, “My God, I was wrong — dead people DO bleed!”
2
JeroenLuminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlandsVeteran
Recently, in a large French city, a poster with the image of a skinny and tanned young woman appeared in a gym window. The text read: “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale? ”
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the model on the poster, responded publicly to the provocation with these words:
“To whom it is due,
Whales are always surrounded by friends: dolphins, sea lions and curious humans. They have an active sex life, get pregnant and give birth to adorable baby whales. They love eating shrimp, playing and swimming in the oceans, visiting amazing places such as Patagonia, the Bering Sea and Polynesian coral reefs.
Whales make amazing singers and they even recorded CDs. They're incredible creatures and almost free of predators, except for humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost the whole world.
Mermaids, on the other hand, don't exist. And if they existed, would they line up in front of psychoanalysts’ studies to solve their identity crisis: fish or human? Even the most experienced therapist would find themselves in trouble.
They don’t have a sex life, because they kill the men that approach them. But how could they? Where would 'that thing' be? Consequently, they don't have children. And who would want to approach a girl who smells of fish tank?
P.S. We live in a time where the media tries to convince us that only skinny people are beautiful. I, on the other hand, prefer to enjoy ice cream with my children, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and good chocolate with my girlfriends.
Over time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that, when there is no more space, it is distributed to the rest of our body. So we are not burdened, we are hugely educated and happy. "
2
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
A priest and a politician go to Heaven. After the preliminaries are all dealt with, St. Peter takes them both to see where they will be staying. He first takes them to a plain high-rise apartment block, and after a long ride in an elevator, shows the Priest his apartment; a modest, sparsely-furnished, practical functional place, with a small kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom with a single bed, side table, chair and wardrobe. Muted colours, minimal decor.
Having left the Priest to his own devices, St. Peter then takes the politicians to an amazing home, with an all-round porch/verandah, luxury living,opulent decor, and an all-singing all dancing brass band and cheerleader troupe.
The Politician is somewhat stunned at the stark difference between the Priest's accommodation and his, but St Peter explains, "Oh, well, you know, Priests and Holy men are two a dime here, but you're the first politician we've ever had..."
A politician dies and is greeted by an Angel. The Angel says to him that he, the politician, must choose his own final destination.
First, he takes him to Hell. The politician is met with a decadent yet idle reality. Plenty of booze, drugs, pretty girls dancing, his former political allies playing poker yelling "Hey!!! Long time no see! Come and join us!"; amazing hot weather, BBQs, steak, etc.
After spending a few days there, the Angel picks him up and says it is time to visit Heaven. The Angel looks at him and asks: How was that? The politician replies: Oh my! That is Hell? It is amazing!!! The Angel smiles and says: Very well, now you must experience Heaven.
There he is filled with an incredible sense of peace. He is floating in a cloud of well-being, calmness, peace, etc. The Angel visits him once again and removes him from that plain. He speaks to him: How did you feel? The politician, with tears in his eyes replies, "What a peace of mind...what a feeling...oh I cannot describe...so calm...so peaceful."
The Angel then becomes serious and says that he must now choose. The politician grinning says: Obviously Hell! It is what I truly enjoy.
The Angel sends him immediately to Hell where he is welcomed with a different image than what he had experienced: his friends flogged by demons, the heat unbearable, the food poisoned and rotten, the pretty girls were now ugly monsters with sharp teeth. The politician looks up to the Angel in fear.
"What is this? How come? This is not the Hell I experienced!"
The Angel smiles: "Ah! Of course, I forgot to mention that Hell was in the midst of elections while you visited...."
The really sad thing is - I actually remember watching this on TV the FIRST* time it aired. Sir Richard Dimbleby was a stalwart, reliable, trustworthy reporter and announcer- he stood for everything noble, honest and patriotic, and was a giant among men, a universally respected and revered, familiar face and voice, on the BBC. He voiced the narration on Her Majesty the Queen Elizabeth's coronation, I meantersay! So when he did the commentary on this 'documentary' everyone hung onto his every word as Gospel Truth. I mean, Richard Dimbleby? Lying?! PERISH the thought! (His sons, Jonathan and David, have followed in his hard-to-fill footsteps.)
(*_The first time it aired was 1957 - the year of my birth. But I do remember watching it when very young, maybe broadcast as a reminder of one of the best hoaxes ever seen_...!)
Comments
One of my old sites (slowly falling to bits, too many adds but the gist is there...)
Have not seen this for years. Sure you will find an olde favourite...
https://peace.fandom.com/wiki/Jester
https://babylonbee.com/news/checkmate-trump-hits-canada-with-tariff-of-double-infinity-plus-one
This isn't just another bluff of his, he also called "no takebacks"
A man goes to a doctor and says, “I think I’m dead.” The doctor, puzzled, asks, “Do dead people bleed?” The man says, “No, of course not.” The doctor pricks his finger, and blood flows out. The man looks at it, astonished, and shouts, “My God, I was wrong — dead people DO bleed!”
Recently, in a large French city, a poster with the image of a skinny and tanned young woman appeared in a gym window. The text read: “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale? ”
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the model on the poster, responded publicly to the provocation with these words:
“To whom it is due,
Whales are always surrounded by friends: dolphins, sea lions and curious humans. They have an active sex life, get pregnant and give birth to adorable baby whales. They love eating shrimp, playing and swimming in the oceans, visiting amazing places such as Patagonia, the Bering Sea and Polynesian coral reefs.
Whales make amazing singers and they even recorded CDs. They're incredible creatures and almost free of predators, except for humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost the whole world.
Mermaids, on the other hand, don't exist. And if they existed, would they line up in front of psychoanalysts’ studies to solve their identity crisis: fish or human? Even the most experienced therapist would find themselves in trouble.
They don’t have a sex life, because they kill the men that approach them. But how could they? Where would 'that thing' be? Consequently, they don't have children. And who would want to approach a girl who smells of fish tank?
P.S. We live in a time where the media tries to convince us that only skinny people are beautiful. I, on the other hand, prefer to enjoy ice cream with my children, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and good chocolate with my girlfriends.
Over time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that, when there is no more space, it is distributed to the rest of our body. So we are not burdened, we are hugely educated and happy. "
A priest and a politician go to Heaven. After the preliminaries are all dealt with, St. Peter takes them both to see where they will be staying. He first takes them to a plain high-rise apartment block, and after a long ride in an elevator, shows the Priest his apartment; a modest, sparsely-furnished, practical functional place, with a small kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom with a single bed, side table, chair and wardrobe. Muted colours, minimal decor.
Having left the Priest to his own devices, St. Peter then takes the politicians to an amazing home, with an all-round porch/verandah, luxury living,opulent decor, and an all-singing all dancing brass band and cheerleader troupe.
The Politician is somewhat stunned at the stark difference between the Priest's accommodation and his, but St Peter explains, "Oh, well, you know, Priests and Holy men are two a dime here, but you're the first politician we've ever had..."
A politician dies and is greeted by an Angel. The Angel says to him that he, the politician, must choose his own final destination.
First, he takes him to Hell. The politician is met with a decadent yet idle reality. Plenty of booze, drugs, pretty girls dancing, his former political allies playing poker yelling "Hey!!! Long time no see! Come and join us!"; amazing hot weather, BBQs, steak, etc.
After spending a few days there, the Angel picks him up and says it is time to visit Heaven. The Angel looks at him and asks: How was that? The politician replies: Oh my! That is Hell? It is amazing!!! The Angel smiles and says: Very well, now you must experience Heaven.
There he is filled with an incredible sense of peace. He is floating in a cloud of well-being, calmness, peace, etc. The Angel visits him once again and removes him from that plain. He speaks to him: How did you feel? The politician, with tears in his eyes replies, "What a peace of mind...what a feeling...oh I cannot describe...so calm...so peaceful."
The Angel then becomes serious and says that he must now choose. The politician grinning says: Obviously Hell! It is what I truly enjoy.
The Angel sends him immediately to Hell where he is welcomed with a different image than what he had experienced: his friends flogged by demons, the heat unbearable, the food poisoned and rotten, the pretty girls were now ugly monsters with sharp teeth. The politician looks up to the Angel in fear.
"What is this? How come? This is not the Hell I experienced!"
The Angel smiles: "Ah! Of course, I forgot to mention that Hell was in the midst of elections while you visited...."
The really sad thing is - I actually remember watching this on TV the FIRST* time it aired. Sir Richard Dimbleby was a stalwart, reliable, trustworthy reporter and announcer- he stood for everything noble, honest and patriotic, and was a giant among men, a universally respected and revered, familiar face and voice, on the BBC. He voiced the narration on Her Majesty the Queen Elizabeth's coronation, I meantersay! So when he did the commentary on this 'documentary' everyone hung onto his every word as Gospel Truth. I mean, Richard Dimbleby? Lying?! PERISH the thought! (His sons, Jonathan and David, have followed in his hard-to-fill footsteps.)
(*_The first time it aired was 1957 - the year of my birth. But I do remember watching it when very young, maybe broadcast as a reminder of one of the best hoaxes ever seen_...!)