So what makes us so 'special'...?
federica
Seeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
Ok, there is a point to this, but I'm not going to reveal what it is, yet.
However, I have been asked my opinion as to why 'newbuddhist' is such a popular forum with both genders?
There are a few Buddhist forums where women rarely go, or if they do, they either don't stay long, or they say little.
Here?
Here it's different. We have a good healthy proportion of women members, and we feel at home, comfortable and able to pretty much involve ourselves in all manner of discussions.
I would like to ask members what it is about this site that creates an ambience or an environment which makes it diverse and different to other buddhist forums?
What are the qualities which make newbuddhist feel like home - for all of us, but for the women in particular?
(I am pinning this temporarily, until the objective is achieved! Watch 'this' space!)
Comments
forum is one of my true dhamma friends
I think the main reason it's different from others is that it's a lot more casual -- Everyone's free to discuss things on as deep a level as you want, but the atmosphere for whatever reason (the types it seems to attract) has been one of just being at ease, no matter what is being discussed.
It is friendly, supportive, non-judgemental, knowledgable and not too intellectual (in a positive way). And a bit jokey sometimes, I like that. My sangha since I have become a homeless buddhist
and importantly inclusive of all traditions.
Perhaps it's because we're Nothing Special
I think @Tara1978 hit on an important point. This forum is friendly and supportive, doesn't judge on a sectarian basis, and is a wealth of diverse viewpoints. Something else I like is that when a question is posed, the OP is not greeted with a wall of sutta quotes lacking context.
I too agree with @Tara1978. Also the support and unconditional love I received from all sangha members here when I was first diagnosed with my illness and kvetching was something amazing (and yes I know I was a pain in the arse at times yet no one called me on my drama, just gave metta, support and help).
I do think this Sangha is an exception because no distinction is made between genders. No one claims to be an expert and when someone makes a mistake, they admit it and no one holds it against them (not that I've seen anyway).
This is my "home" online (Plus it's awesome to know I have another Aussie here - @Bunks - who shares my passionate distaste for Collingwood. Not strictly Buddhist but still important
) and everyone here has a good sense of humour too. After all, you let us Aussies in 
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Thanks guys; I think this question hinges on why members believe this forum is successful with regard to the number of FEMALE members. it seems newbuddhist is better than others at encouraging, welcoming and retaining FEMALE members, where other forums seem to lose them, or not have them as members (short- or long-term) at all....
Why do members feel this is?
After all, you let us Aussies in
That's only because the gatekeepers couldn't tell the difference between the Kiwi and Aussie accent....Ah if only they had known,,,Things would have been a lot different
I would say that this is down to the site/forum owners( I'm not quite sure who this is/they are) and the progressive forward 'inclusive' thinking on their part...
Definitely. You've never met more receptive, pro-women men like @Brian, @Linc and @Jason. To say they are staunchly feminist is actually doing them a disservice, because their entire outlook is one of complete equality. They don't see a difference. At all. And if any difference is highlighted, they challenge and question it.
And I think that's the point.
This forum has a higher-than-usual number of female members because there is no differentiation. We do not distinguish or treat differently. And I personally have been on forums where they most certainly do....
I believe that this site is much more accepting than other Buddhist sites. I tried joining dharma wheel but they suspended my account after the first 48 hours. I did not fail to notice, however, that I was basically the only female member. I reviewed the terms 'who does that anymore?" raises hand , clearly ebarassed And I did not one thing against the site rules. I gave up trying to find a site until this one popped up
I forget where I found it but, man am I glad I did 
The atmosphere here, i would think anyways, is a large part of it's success. Everyone is very friendly and it's more chill than the other sites. Some people take the dharma so seriously I feel it gets to their heads 
No worldly attachments, my loves. They have utterly failed cx
I say three cheers for @Brian, @Linc and @Jason - but W.W.B.D.?
Mwahahahahaha....... our plan is working
And after the Women's win of Rugby 7's at the Olympics....... hides
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Discernment.
Not between but above gender or other biases. It is very difficult to work with people who have an agenda. They will constrain and misconstrue the very qualities required to enable awakening.
I can't compare it to other Buddhist forums because this is the only one I visit, but compared to other Internet forums where I participate (music, triathlon, recumbent tricycles and velomobiles), what stands out to me is that the women here are highly visible, and particularly insightful and eloquent. I hadn't given this much thought until you asked, but the general high quality of discourse seems likely related to our diversity and inclusiveness. It's a good environment.
I've been to I think three Buddhist forums and one site with a Buddhist sub-forum. The former, it was more vacant, than anything else. The people who did chip in, where, from what I gather, males. Given the usernames, I don't always know. It could be just a stereotype "Buddhist have to be males" or maybe not. Where I live, there are male and female Buddhist of all sects and schools; so, I'd think online would be even more so.
The sub-form I think is mostly if not all males. I go there more often because of the feedback is different than here. However going by your post, I think here is good because you have a good diversity of people from different schools, interests, and practice within Buddhism and it's mirroring traditions. It's also "women" friendly probably because of the site design and sub-forums and especially the "members-only" part. Maybe it helps them feel safe.
My first impression was diversity (so there isn't a "women" or "men" for example when talking about the Dharma) and it has a light feeling to where most people can chat about whats on their mind.
I'm sure she would have done the same
I think this "light" feeling may be the key....
Not that we have a 'Buddha-lite" environment, but that we are light-hearted, easy-going, not too intense...
We are capable of profound discussions, venturing in 'deep' waters; but at the same time we don't take ourselves too seriously.
We can come here and expose our "souls", seek love and support and we get it.
Even if one day, we've engaged in a Dhamma-discussion with other members, and some stuff's got a bit heated, the very same day, if we have a "bad" moment and come to the Site (sangha) for support and feedback, those we 'danced' heatedly with earlier, will be there offering words of Kindness.
We're not so much a forum, but a community....
What I really appreciate about this forum is the sense of humour, the ability to be light-heated as well as serious. The atmosphere in some other forums is dour and over-serious, slightly oppressive.
What I like is that the level of contributions, from men as well as women, is very high without being overly stuffy. Not every answer has to quote a sutra, and the humorous answers are just as appreciated as the serious ones. That is closer to the reality of Buddhist practice, in my mind, than the over scholarly focus that you sometimes find.
I think the women feel safe here because they have got a Mother here. (any one watch "Orange is the new black"?)
Do you look like her, @federica?
I'm relieved to say that no, I don't. Didn't she also play Captain Janeway
of the Starship Enterprise...? I see myself more in that role, really, although I don't actually steer this thing....
I think the answer is kind of subtle. There's an inclusivity(?) that insists itself throughout the forum right from the layout that can't be faked.
Where other Pan-Buddhist forums I've seen categorize first and foremost by sect, this one is by topic. We don't encourage segregation but asking for views from specific schools is very welcome.
This puts us in the mind set of unity over division right from the get-go while sadly the others gave me the impression that concern for being right is more important than learning from another view.
This is important to people like me when deciding who to open up to or where to wander. At least 50% of women probably feel this way too.
I'm guessing here.
I haven't looked at other Buddhist forums much but discussions in other forums tend to get quite aggressive and argumentative for the sake of arguing and female posters tend to not hang around, because of this maybe? This is the biggest difference I notice and is actually what draws me here (I'm a man). That and there are a lot of smart compassionate people posting here too.
I read here more than I post, some comments can be quite profound and make me look at things differently.
I don't think there is anywhere else on the internet where people actually change their point of view or outlook in a discussion. Maybe because there are no "know it all egos" floating about which probably would also be off putting for females?
Thanks to both @David and @Boru for voicing certain thoughts i myself have had, but did not want to articulate, for reasons which I hope are obvious. I had feelings along the same lines, and it's of comfort and interest to see that other male members have thoughts along the same lines.
I think like some of the posters pointed out above, a lot has to do with the moderators. I've tried hanging out at several other boards, and while I can't say they had an agenda in a strict meaning, you always felt the moderators were looking over your shoulder ready to smack you down for wandering off topic or not obeying the rules. Apparently one of the rules is, keep your warped sense of humor at home. That doesn't usually work for me. It might be generalizing, but perhaps women don't want another boss or man telling them how to behave, but a welcoming family.
Not that the largely unseen hand of the moderator doesn't step in quickly where needed, and that's probably another part of the success. In the end, this board is what the owners and moderators designed it to be. Congrats on a job well done!
That's what I like about being here. There seems to be an 'at home' feeling. Down-to-earth people who seem genuine, offering practical advice and compassion.
There doesn't seem to be a lot of showmanship or one-upmanship.
Are the 'boys only' sites having focus group meetings and asking why they scare all the girls away? , hahaha .... Or....do they like it that way? In my experience, when men get tired and want female company/conversation/input/energy, they put in the work to make a social group happen and sustain it. When they don't want to fool with us or don't know how....they keep it that way. shrugs.
I have always felt comfortable and at home here as a woman. BUT, I also peeped out the scene before jumping in. I do no online social media...so when I stumbled upon NB, it looked like a contender. I lurked on our sister site for a couple of weeks just to get a feel for the admins/owners and their way of life/being.
I'll have to agree with everyone's input so far. No big macho ego issues here....no dividing of schools/sects....easy humor...and participating with everyone.
I actually wrote this to someone, which I think may further illustrate what is being said here:
I read for a bit before I joined. I checked out other forums as well. They were all too serious and scholarly for me. Not that there isn't a place here for serious discussion and study of the more advanced parts of Buddhism. But I wanted a place to help learn how Buddhism fit into real life. How to get into the nitty gritty of Samsara and deal with it. I wanted a place with friendly, open and patient people who didn't expect me to know it all from the start. I wanted a place that felt like a hang out with friends. I wanted a community that the majority of users were invested in. I got everything I wanted. It's like a little present I give myself every day to visit this place, and it is the first place I go when I turn on my computer. I come here to read when I need reminders about why I chose Buddhism. I come here when it feels like the world is falling apart. I come here when I am happy, sad, frustrated, angry, and I know I will find something of use. Every time.
I've been online for a long time, since before the internet had a graphical interface. The vast majority of it is a shit show (sorry, that's the one phrase I have that fits). There are a few niche places that are not, and this is one of them.
Of all the Buddhist forums I ever visited, This is the only one where I can see 9 or 10 people in one post that I had wonderful conversations here over the years and I'm still glad to see are around. No other Buddhist forum impacted me, MOST especially in my early years, like New Buddhist, and even though I don't really visit much anymore since I became a monk, It still feels like home every time I log in.
a small focused community that trusts each other and lets their vulnerabilities show breeds a group of practitioners i've not seen anywhere else.
I have dipped my toe in the water of a number of different forums over the years (both Buddhist and non Buddhist).
This is the only one I consistently read and post on though.
There are some extraordinarily wise people on here!
Honestly, I think it's because of much anti-trolling effort that was invested in the site some years ago. The know-it-all-ism that tends to dominate some other B-forums, which tends to be accompanied by cliquishness and snarkiness toward dissenting opinions--all aggressive qualities that contribute to the heavy authoritarian vibe some forums have, got stamped out with concerted effort, and some of those people left of their own accord. After that, a very nice, mellow atmosphere prevailed, and somewhat miraculously, has been maintained. Flourished, even. I credit the mod/s over the years, and the admin. Go, team!
I was going to say something similar: Heavy weeding until a healthy culture can block out most of it naturally.
I will tell you a story from the early days of the site, with apologies that it will be a fuzzy paraphrasing because it was a decade ago.
Once upon a time, when this site was still quite small we had an extremely active member who I'll call Stan. He participated in nearly every discussion - what you'd call a "booster" in community management parlance. He was extremely valuable to getting this site off the ground, because it's hard to get that level of commitment until you reach a critical mass. He'd been around a year and made over a thousand posts - I think it was the highest post count of anyone at the time.
One day, I learned a woman who was also very engaged in the community had abruptly stopped visiting. Strange, right? But things happen. But then a post by Stan got reported, where he was bullying a woman. We started reading his posts with a bit more critical of an eye. We reached out to the woman who left, and learned that Stan had made her uncomfortable, primarily via private message. It was nothing grotesque, but soon a pattern became clear: He was engaging in a tremendous amount of hidden chatter, charming and bullying behind the scenes, that was making this place unsafe.
So we banned our top contributor.
I think a lot of people who run communities equate success with traffic, popularity, and money. I just want a quiet place to talk without worrying about bullies. And yes where women, and LGBT folks, and anyone else who is used to being bullied can talk without that gnawing fear catching the words in their throat.
I'd simply burn this place down before I ever let that sort of culture exist. And I've taken plenty of flak for banning popular people over the years (and been called a bully myself) from folks who did not see them for what they were: bullies.
If I must be labelled the bully of bullies, so be it.
As most members will doubtless be aware, I cannot, and will not tolerate bias or prejudice of any kind. And I'm hot on the tails of Misogyny. It's my soapbox subject.
And while I will apologise if any of my words or sentiments have put noses out of joint, I will never, ever apologise for holding those opinions and expressing them openly, loud and clear for all to hear. It's dangerous territory and I actually try to steer clear of it, because I know I can get heated about it.
But I hope I can hold hand on heart and say with all sincerity, I strive as much as is humanly possible to not let the personal interfere with my "job" here. I do question my own rationale, and I can promise you there have been times when I have held back from Moderating, realising that my motivation was based on personal issue, and not something to do with the Forum's safety.
I don't always get it right on target. I'm human, like the rest of the forum members, and I screw up, sure I do. But I have occasionally deleted my own comments prior to posting (and sometimes after!) because I realised I was sailing too close to personal wind... If you'll pardon the phrase.
I have to say though, the current community makes my job so much easier and pleasant.
Sometimes it's hard to Moderate those you have come to consider 'family'....
And it only takes one person left unchecked to destroy that.
Glad to hear you're doing okay.
preens Thanks my southern friend..... wait.. oooh.....
Carry on
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It wasn't me! I swear!
doing well, I wouldn't want to do anything else and my full ordination(to Bhikkhu) is in less then three months. Still trying to figure out my "roll" on places like new Buddhist, where I never to come off as "hey i'm the monk I know these things you should listen to me" but also want to be available for people who appreciate a monastic around.
I actually want to second @Swaroop 's comment about having a mother hen around as a role model. @federica has always been firm but fair and her presence does lend the place a safe, homey feeling ;P.
Not many forums can put up with me.
NewBuddhist rises to the challenge ... 
I once created a forum, 'Holy Geeks', that was geared towards technical computer support and multi tradition (or none) spiritual support. Two of our leading contributors engaged in a continuous unproductive hissy spit online. Both were experienced enough to promote a better example. After several online warnings - as a lesson in forum burning, karma, consequences etc - I shut down the forum. Smoked. Pin dropped.
So I understand the sufi adage that 'one dog can pollute a whole pool'.
As a moderator on another forum, I would regularly publicly report moderators (including myself) for bias or other crimes against dharma.
Not surprisingly I was ejected rather than the pseudo blameless dharmaist elite ... Bad crustacean!
So I am aware of how hard the personal integrity that @federica mentions is.
I could give other examples but suffice to say some environments empower and some unbalance or are otherwise counter productive.
... and now back to the group hug ...
P.S.
mmm ... Are those humorous swearing almost-monks endorsements any guarantee ... ?
So it's still okay if I tell a Buddhist monk joke like:
This Buddhist monk walks into a bar on a hot summer day and sits down at a table, enjoying the cool air conditioning.
The bartender says, "Look, I told you before, I don't mind you coming in here while you're waiting for the bus, but our policy is, only paying customers get to hang out. I could get fired if you don't order something."
"Very well," the monk says, "bring me the strongest drink you have. Dharma in a glass, same as last time."
The bartender went and got an empty glass and set it on the table. "Here you go," he told the monk.
"But where's my drink?" the monk asks.
"I've already given it to you," the bartender replied.
"Why so you have," the monk says. "And I hear my bus outside." He got up to leave.
"Hey wait a minute," the bartender says. "These drinks aren't free, you know. Where's my payment?"
"I've already given it to you," the monk replied, bowed, and walked out.
A customer watched all this from his perch on a bar stool. "Wow," he says, "That was deep."
"Yeah, the monk comes in here all the time," the bartender says, wiping down the table. "He's enlightened, but he's still a lousy tipper."
When you do get your ordination, please let us know so we can celebrate with you
You are all appreciated
I have spent the last few years (maybe even longer) 
reading and posting here, as well as getting to know everyone, and I just want to thank you all for being here and participating. Your wise words are always taken into consideration. Hope everyone will stick around for even longer. May you all live long and prosper, as a wise one once told me. I will have you all of you in my thoughts, prayers, and metta meditation. Peace to you all. 
Meanwhile, in a smoke-filled room....
I missed this earlier on...
I think perhaps it certainly does cross their minds, but without knowing why, they rarely do anything about it. Other than polling their members as I have done here, I don't think they would ever find reason; and even with a Poll, not sure they would, or whether they would see fit to act on it. Also, it's important to note that other forums have specific direction: They want to promote Dhammic discussion and examination, scrutiny and dissection of the suttas (I would also reference Mahayana sites too, I'm not excluding them, but the spelling is different) whereas we are far more relaxed and general in our approach, in that we welcome those dabbling in the embryonic stages of Buddhism.
So I think Purpose has a lot to do with it. This Post from our Founder, explains it better than I can!
Combine that with @Linc's "Raison d'être" above, and we've pretty much nailed it!
I'm going to close this down for now, to permit digestion.... But if anyone has anything they'd like to add, of relevance, let me know, I'd be happy to open it up again....
Many thanks to everyone for your thought-provoking comments and contributions. I think we can safely say we rock!
Ok, I now have clearance to reveal why exactly this thread was begun.
I was approached, via Pm, to converse with a Forum founder through the medium of email, who asked me this:
The founder is Bhante Sujato and his forum is here.
I know he has been "lurking" (in a good way!) and digesting all the responses here, so he will be along soon to contribute his own comments.
https://discourse.suttacentral.net/t/did-naked-ascetics-spank-each-others-bottoms/3056
[lobster faints]
At last some of the important issues are being addressed in an accessible form for the Facebook generation ...
I believe that he began the thread and titled it so, to evince more "light-hearted" input... But it IS interesting, nevertheless....
Lol That was an interesting little article! As a student of the suttas it helps to understand the world of the Buddha. Walking around and living naked is not conducive to a soft bottom
Which is different to a tight butt....