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A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan .
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
8
personDon't believe everything you thinkThe liminal spaceVeteran
edited November 2018
I was watching a video on strange allergies and apparently there are people who are allergic to animals without toes. They are lack toes intolerant.
3
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
Taoism - Shit happens.
Buddhism - If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam - If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism - Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism - Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism - This shit happened before.
Catholicism - Shit happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna - Shit happens rama rama.
Jehova's Witness - Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism - There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science - Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism - Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Existentialism - What is shit anyway?
Stoicism - This shit doesn't bother me.
T.V. Evangelism - Send more shit.
Atheism - No shit.
Rastafarianism - Let's smoke this shit.
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
The first-ever officially-recorded fatal driving tragedy. I hope the Tesla serves the appropriate sentence for the hit-and-run... Lock it up and throw away the key, that's what I say!
Comments
Nope..it's all that comes to mind at the moment...
I was thinking spaghetti CARbonara but couldn't figure out the bananas part!
Oh, @Jeffrey soooo close!
Spaghetti carbanana!!
They're fiat 500 models - being Italian, I laughed like a drain!!
What are the three rings of marriage?
The first ring
The engagement ring
The second ring
The wedding ring
The third ring
The suffering
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan .
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
I was watching a video on strange allergies and apparently there are people who are allergic to animals without toes. They are lack toes intolerant.
^^ ba-dum-tczh! ^^
Am I right or wrong for thinking Eddie's joke is the funnier than the caption?
Double whammy. I guess it depends where your funny-bone is... FTR, I happen to agree with you....
I just think the caption boosts it
"Ooo that's some scary sh$t !"
"Happy in your work?"
"Hell yeah, why wouldn't I be?!"
(Sorry it's vulgar, but I had to laugh!)
I have already decided what I want on my tombstone:
"Work in progress. To be continued..."
Religious Shit
Taoism - Shit happens.
Buddhism - If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam - If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism - Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism - Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism - This shit happened before.
Catholicism - Shit happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna - Shit happens rama rama.
Jehova's Witness - Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism - There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science - Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism - Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Existentialism - What is shit anyway?
Stoicism - This shit doesn't bother me.
T.V. Evangelism - Send more shit.
Atheism - No shit.
Rastafarianism - Let's smoke this shit.
I love it @lobster !!!!!
Cousin Eddie - the shitter is full
The only thing flat-earthers fear, is sphere itself.
That has to be one of the best - and worst - puns I have read in a long time... !
Dear Satan šanta,
i haz bin gö0dly ...
?
Buddha Box
Satan's Claws...I like it....Merry Crispmas ... and a Harpy new year
I have removed the posts
As they might cause a fence ....
I lol'd so hard in the office I snorted ???
Just being silly!
Dude, that’s only the Abridged version ???
I wrote two entire books on “Does My Bum Look Big In This” ????
...And the internet is officially broken!
Which is a suprisingly culturally aware question, as in South America the question and it’s responses take on a totally new meaning...
Before we get too serious in the 'funny stuff' thread, that's a good point. Why do you think bustles were fashionable?
Woot! ????
^^ Many a true word said in jest... ^^
... and meanwhile in the news, police have to issue new driving instructions ...
https://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00131266.html
Bird Box is a fascinating horror film incidentally ...
Yah....
if you're a passenger, and you ask the driver,
"Do you know the way?"
...and they reply,
"Know the way? I could do it with my eyes shut!"
Get out of the car.
Fekkin' pronto.
Ohhh, Bird Box challenge. I heard that term in passing at some point but didn't connect the dots....... ???
Also in the news:
Self Driving car, kills robot ...
https://www.techworm.net/2019/01/self-driving-tesla-autonomous-robot-ces.html
The first-ever officially-recorded fatal driving tragedy. I hope the Tesla serves the appropriate sentence for the hit-and-run... Lock it up and throw away the key, that's what I say!
"Dem bones dem bones dem dry bones"
