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Funny Stuff

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Comments

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Teenager 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
    Teenager 2: "Yeah, Well... I was a virgin - until last night ."
    T. 1: "Hah! As if!"
    T. 2: "Yeah? Just ask your sister."
    T. 1: "What..? I don't have a sister."
    T. 2: ".....You will in about nine months...!"

    (let that sink in.....)

    personWalker
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    An American couple were visiting the UK, driving through Scotland. As they approached Ballachulish*, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, at which point they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Maaac-Donnn-aaaalddds."

    (*It's pronounced Ball-a-hoo-lish.)

    BunksWalkerShoshinRob_V
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god.

    I had to explain to him that Ho-Tei is not Greek.

    WalkerRob_V
  • LionduckLionduck Veteran

    "...tell him about the rocks?"

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Lionduck said:
    "...tell him about the rocks?"

    ....... what...?😳🤨

  • GuiGui Veteran

    I find myself up in the middle of the night working on a software production problem and remembered a joke for us computer nerds:
    A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer comes home with 12 gallons of milk.

    • a good programmer looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
    WalkerBunksShoshinlobster
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Gui... that would SO be my ex-H!!

    Bunks
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    Q. How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
    A. Thursday

    ShoshinlobsterWalkerhow
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    howBunksWalkerperson
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    ShoshinWalkerRen_in_black
  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    These are scam monks, selling trinkets for 'voluntary' donations ... and keeping the cash ...

    Just so people know ... and now back to the jokes ...

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Scamonk? loads of hair; dead give-away. Carrying a shopping list? Must have money somewhere... The Hand Mudra is another....

    howlobster
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @lobster said:
    These are scam monks, selling trinkets for 'voluntary' donations ... and keeping the cash ...

    Just so people know ... and now back to the jokes ...

    Perhaps it's a case of ...Charity begins at home...

    Bunks
  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran

    A farmer was standing across from his three sons. “Now which of you boys pushed the outhouse into the creek last night?” Silence greeted his words. The farmer went on to remind his boys of the story of George Washington, who had chopped down a cherry tree, and whose father had been so proud of him for telling the truth. On hearing this, the youngest son stepped forward and confessed. The farmer picked up a switch and prepared to administer a sound thrashing. “But dad, what about George Washington?” The father replied, “well son, George Washington’s father was not sitting in the cherry tree when he chopped it down.”

    — Osho

    WalkeradamcrossleyShoshinBunks
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    WalkerBunks
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    lobsterBunksWalker
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    WalkerShoshinJeffreylobster
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    That's my motto... ;)

    Bunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Someone once wisely told me to treat other drivers as if they all have Asperger's....

    lobster
  • paulysopaulyso usa Veteran

    @Bunks said:

    i appreciate that! being forgiven.there is hope.some ladies love idiot funny.it's an art.

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    Walker
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran
    edited May 23

    @federica said:
    Someone once wisely told me to treat other drivers as if they all have Asperger's....

    What's that supposed to mean fede?

    To be honest with you, as a parent of a child with Asperger's, I find that quite offensive.

    Shoshin
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @Bunks, I don't think @federica was being offensive or making fun of those with Asperger's ...This is interesting...and I think this is where @federica was coming from with her post...

  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    @Shoshin said:
    @Bunks, I don't think @federica was being offensive or making fun of those with Asperger's ...This is interesting...and I think this is where @federica was coming from with her post...

    Thanks @Shoshin - I don’t expect @federica intended it that way either.

    It’s just because it’s posted under “funny stuff” it came across as if to be mocking people with Aspergers. And it was also posted without any context.

    Shoshin
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Bunks said:

    @federica said:
    Someone once wisely told me to treat other drivers as if they all have Asperger's....

    What's that supposed to mean fede?

    To be honest with you, as a parent of a child with Asperger's, I find that quite offensive.

    I unreservedly apologise if I inadvertently caused offence. @Bunks ,you know I would never say anything deliberately hurtful or insulting.

    What I meant was: Realise that every single driver out there is capable of either predictable or unexpected spontaneous manoeuvres that nobody could possibly be prepared for. In other words, be alert and use your mirrors, because you need eyes everywhere, not only in the back of your head. Not every driver is fully concentrated on the task in hand...
    This is particularly true when trying to negotiate the London Orbital, infamous M25. Full of Sunday drivers every day of the week.

    My heart goes out to you: my youngest daughter is on the Asperger's spectrum.

    Bunkslobster
  • WalkerWalker Veteran Veteran

    The way I heard it was something like 'Drive as if every other driver is trying to kill you'

    The M25 sounds an awful lot like Anthony Henday Drive. What is it with orbitals/beltways/ring roads?

  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    That’s fine @federica - I am just being a protective parent.

    Unfortunately kids on the spectrum are prone to being bullied and I’ve seen my daughter treated that way which breaks my heart. I’m just a bit sensitive about it is all.

    It’s all good mate ❤️

    Shoshinlobsterfederica
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Glad to hear it. I would hate to think I had jammed a full pair of size 12's in my mouth, irreparably..

    Bunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited May 24

    @Walker said:
    The way I heard it was something like 'Drive as if every other driver is trying to kill you'

    The M25 sounds an awful lot like Anthony Henday Drive. What is it with orbitals/beltways/ring roads?

    They are built to deal with the needs at the time of the proposed build. By the time they are 'open fo business', those needs have escalated exponentially, thereby making the entire idea woefully inadequate. In other words, they took their eyes off the road... (Did you see what I did, there.. ? ;) )

    WalkerBunks
  • adamcrossleyadamcrossley Veteran UK Veteran

    WalkerBunksperson
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    WalkerShoshinadamcrossley
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Ba-dum, tch!

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    Walkeradamcrossleyperson
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    WalkerBunks
  • lobsterlobster Veteran
    edited May 31

    Meanwhile this picture of a farm in Nevada

    Walker
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    howWalkerBunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Shoshin said:

    Well it seems I have a problem... I was initially offended by this, because someone who obviously misheard and might well have a hearing problem, has been called an idiot... Hmmm.. I should watch how I react, to such unintentional insults....

  • personperson Don't believe everything you think The Void Veteran
    edited June 18


    ...and of course, moderates. We get it every which way. 😀

    Walkerhow
  • WalkerWalker Veteran Veteran
    edited June 18

    I want to hit insightful too, @person =)

  • GuiGui Veteran

    And now for something completely different:

    What is the difference between an orchestra and a bull?
    With a bull, the horns are up front and the asshole is in the back.

    KeromeBunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    (My Dad was a conductor...)

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