It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
Lost in translation
She’s a keeper!!!!
This happened at a New York Airport.
This airline gate agent deserves an award for how she handled a passenger who probably
deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded flight was canceled.
A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first who were in front of you; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."
Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain...
That is just a conspiracy theory.
“Now, now my good man, this is no time to be making enemies."
(Voltaire on his deathbed in response to a priest asking him that he renounce Satan.)
“The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.”
That's about right @Bunks
A wiser man once said, "-- --- - - ---"
A not so wise man took 12 days to say nearly the same thing and mean less.
A politician took 30 years to say less and mean none of it.
That cracked me up @Bunks ....
"Life is like toilet paper..."
"You're either on a roll"
"or taking crap from some asshole"
It's raining! It...JOHNNY! Turn off the frigging sprinkler, NOW!
I learnt something quite amazing this lockdown....Chocolate makes your clothes shrink
My friend (who is in lockdown and lives alone) got this as her daily horoscope today 😂😂😂
Yeah horoscopes can be hilariously inappropriate when you get a message like that it makes you wonder exactly how much quackery is involved in the whole system. Or in fact any kind of divination.
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office, wearing only cling wrap for shorts...The psychiatrist says "Well I can clearly see you're nuts"...