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Where can I get a Trump Weavery hat? Or some of the weird Tibetan headgear? My teacher used to wear a wig and knitted tea cosy that complemented his strange behavour and demeanor ...
... and now back to the comedy ...
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silverIn the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded.USA, Left coast.Veteran
personDon't believe everything you thinkThe liminal spaceVeteran
A little girl asked her Mom, “Where do humans come from?”
Her Mom answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and that’s who we all descend from.”
A few days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. Her Dad answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which people evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the people were created by God, and Dad said people evolved from monkeys?”
Her Mom answered, “Well, dear, it’s very simple: I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.”
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silverIn the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded.USA, Left coast.Veteran
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
Oh my lord....! What is he 'kissing' exactly - !? (Don't anyone please answer that.....!)
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JeroenLuminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlandsVeteran
@federica said:
Oh my lord....! What is he 'kissing' exactly - !? (Don't anyone please answer that.....!)
He seems to be going places where most dentists or even tonsil surgeons would fear to tread...
1
personDon't believe everything you thinkThe liminal spaceVeteran
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
personDon't believe everything you thinkThe liminal spaceVeteran
edited December 2016
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
It is sometimes said that the Universe is Allah laughing himself into existence. The idea of the cosmic joker that begins within a broadening smile allows us to hear the profound in the profane and the profane in the sanctimonious. Keep smiling. https://en.m.wikibooks.org/wiki/Sufism/Nasrudin
"Nasrudin it said that you are the smartest
person available. Will you settle our dispute?"
"You are fortunate, said Nasrudin, "because we have a specialist here,
someone even smarter than me to offer their counsel.
Will you abide by their decision?"
"Yes," said the disputants unanimously, honoured to
be present when Nasrudin acknowledged that someone
smarter than him existed (a rare event indeed).
"Where is the wise one Nasrudin?" they asked.
"He is downstairs in the yard eating thistles - if you just bring my
donkey up here we can settle this dispute
and don't take 'nay' for an answer, he is just being modest."
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
Tea is a far more dangerous beverage than beer. Please avoid drinking tea at all costs.
Here's the proof.
I discovered this last night, I had 14 beers and half a bottle of bourbon, till 3.00am with my buddies, while playing poker, as my wife sat, just drinking tea at home, alone, while dinner went cold....
Well, when I rolled home, as happy as a sand-boy on the beach, man oh man, you should have seen her....she was loud, angry and quite violent! I on the other hand, felt calm, peaceful, slightly spaced out, even, and so avoided a confrontation by heading for bed, and all the while she shouted at me, and resumed her tirade the next morning!
So thereby hangs the lesson: Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it...m'kay...?
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
On my occasional travels round the WWW, I found this website, which gives dazzling and meaningful insight into your everyday life.
Words of profound wisdom, such as:
"We live, we live, we are reborn. Have YOU found your circuit?"
"Transcendence is a constant."
"Choice requires exploration. Have you found your vision quest?"
"The multiverse is overflowing with ultrasonic energy."
and
"Curiosity is the truth of manna, and of us."
Around and along with every pithy and meaningful quotation, is an article explaining its fundamental truth and rationale.
The website, by the way, is called "New-Age Bullshit Generator". I am determined to live by every loaded word.
On a traffic light, green means go and yellow means yield. But on a banana, it’s just the opposite. Green means “hold on” and yellow means “go ahead.” And red means “where the fuck did you get that banana?”
Comments
Nerd hats: (Unfortunately, they don't come with instructions for all you knitters and crocheters out there)
I luvs hats. I usually bring three with me.
Where can I get a Trump Weavery hat? Or some of the weird Tibetan headgear? My teacher used to wear a wig and knitted tea cosy that complemented his strange behavour and demeanor ...
... and now back to the comedy ...
A little girl asked her Mom, “Where do humans come from?”
Her Mom answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and that’s who we all descend from.”
A few days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. Her Dad answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which people evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the people were created by God, and Dad said people evolved from monkeys?”
Her Mom answered, “Well, dear, it’s very simple: I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.”
Definition of a Buddhist
"An atheist without commitment"
It's my favourite!
Oh my lord....! What is he 'kissing' exactly - !? (Don't anyone please answer that.....!)
He seems to be going places where most dentists or even tonsil surgeons would fear to tread...
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/112/A-Pretty-Woman-Sneezes-At-A-Restaurant#cktbKzk5JBqwe6z4.99
Oh.
Good.
Grief....
@person - too funny.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
A Spanish magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "Uno dos" * poof * He disappeared without a tres ....
Elderly gentleman goes to the doctor:
As someone who works in electronics, this tickles me more than it should.
It is sometimes said that the Universe is Allah laughing himself into existence. The idea of the cosmic joker that begins within a broadening smile allows us to hear the profound in the profane and the profane in the sanctimonious. Keep smiling.
https://en.m.wikibooks.org/wiki/Sufism/Nasrudin
"Nasrudin it said that you are the smartest
person available. Will you settle our dispute?"
"You are fortunate, said Nasrudin, "because we have a specialist here,
someone even smarter than me to offer their counsel.
Will you abide by their decision?"
"Yes," said the disputants unanimously, honoured to
be present when Nasrudin acknowledged that someone
smarter than him existed (a rare event indeed).
"Where is the wise one Nasrudin?" they asked.
"He is downstairs in the yard eating thistles - if you just bring my
donkey up here we can settle this dispute
and don't take 'nay' for an answer, he is just being modest."
Ooopsss wrong pi
Oh, the ignominy....
http://jokes.cc.com/funny-police---military/ol3rpe/the-12-days-of-christmas
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
Tea is a far more dangerous beverage than beer. Please avoid drinking tea at all costs.
Here's the proof.
I discovered this last night, I had 14 beers and half a bottle of bourbon, till 3.00am with my buddies, while playing poker, as my wife sat, just drinking tea at home, alone, while dinner went cold....
Well, when I rolled home, as happy as a sand-boy on the beach, man oh man, you should have seen her....she was loud, angry and quite violent! I on the other hand, felt calm, peaceful, slightly spaced out, even, and so avoided a confrontation by heading for bed, and all the while she shouted at me, and resumed her tirade the next morning!
So thereby hangs the lesson: Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it...m'kay...?
A couple of robbers (one with a slight speech defect) are breaking into a distillery
"One turns to the other and says 'Is this whiskey?'
He says 'Yes but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank' "
On my occasional travels round the WWW, I found this website, which gives dazzling and meaningful insight into your everyday life.
Words of profound wisdom, such as:
"We live, we live, we are reborn. Have YOU found your circuit?"
"Transcendence is a constant."
"Choice requires exploration. Have you found your vision quest?"
"The multiverse is overflowing with ultrasonic energy."
and
"Curiosity is the truth of manna, and of us."
Around and along with every pithy and meaningful quotation, is an article explaining its fundamental truth and rationale.
The website, by the way, is called "New-Age Bullshit Generator". I am determined to live by every loaded word.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin
A patron asked the librarian why Tales of Robin Hood had been withdrawn from the collection.
The librarian replied, "Too much Saxon violence."
On a traffic light, green means go and yellow means yield. But on a banana, it’s just the opposite. Green means “hold on” and yellow means “go ahead.” And red means “where the fuck did you get that banana?”
Mitch Hedberg