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I know this has been around the circles...but it still cracks me up. hahaha... For any newbies that haven't seen it....or old heads that are too big for their britches...
@federica said:
OK: Save picture to photo file on whatever computer you choose to use.
Come to comment box.
Write necessary comment.
click on black page with corner bent over.
Click 'Choose Files'.
Choose file. (Double click on the photo in your file, of choice)
Picture coordinates will appear in post.
Post comment.
Hey Fede, stop posting pics from my family album!!!!!!
0
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
@federica said:
OK: Save picture to photo file on whatever computer you choose to use.
Come to comment box.
Write necessary comment.
click on black page with corner bent over.
Click 'Choose Files'.
Choose file. (Double click on the photo in your file, of choice)
Picture coordinates will appear in post.
Post comment.
Hey Fede, stop posting pics from my family album!!!!!!
I'm so sorry... I just thought it was one of the more flattering pictures of you.....
silverIn the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded.USA, Left coast.Veteran
"Pope Benedict announced he's retiring. This is a pretty dramatic change. It means he will go from wearing a robe all day to wearing a robe all day." –Conan O'Brien
Yeah, it's been a while.
3
JeroenLuminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlandsVeteran
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
..."- One measure that showed no decline in older women, was vocabulary."
I should co-co....
1
silverIn the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded.USA, Left coast.Veteran
I just saw a financial news article entitled "The American Beef Boom is Probably Over."
I thought to myself, "What? With the Donald running the show now? That is a lotta bull right there.
(forgiveness please...I just woke up...no coffee what did I do?)
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
True story:
Yesterday at work, during a lunch-break, a few of my colleagues (also good buddies) and I, were discussing how different dating now is, to when we were young. The conversation flowed about standards and expectations, permissible conduct 'then and now', different behavioural fashions, and eventually, we came to 'what advice would we give to any young member of our family, embarking on the adventures of dating?
From out of nowhere in my head, came the most appropriate, insightful, relevant, timely and 'get with the programme' advice anyone could ever have imagined. And the bonus was, it came in poetic form, which made it easy to remember.
I said:
"Always brush your pearlies
And comb your short 'n' curlies!"
The whole table collapsed in laughter....
Well, it does cover every angle....
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
A husband and wife are sitting with a Marriage Counsellor, and things are not going well...
Wife: I hate him! I definitely want a divorce! He made 2 "Fat" jokes, yesterday....!!
Husband: That's a lie!
Counsellor: Why do you think she would say that you did, then?
Husband: Isn't it obvious?! Because elephants never forget....!
Funny stuff? YAH! cause it's fun stuff! This will make you smile. ...and maybe get up and dance
He cut a rug!!! hahaha
A New York farmer is spreading smiles around the world thanks to a viral video of his impressive dance moves.
“Dancing is how I stay warm in the barn and I never know when I’m going to break out into a dance,” Michael Lavery captioned a video of his dance to Sia’s “Cheap Thrills” that he uploaded to Facebook.
The video that shows Lavery sweeping and dancing in the barn at his Permaculture Inn farm surrounded by apathetic goats has been viewed over 7 million times.
A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"
The Christian replies, "My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven."
"OK," replies the Angel. "Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How do you spell God?" It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.
Next comes the Muslim, who says, "I had not done any good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replies, "It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?" The Muslim passes the test.
Finally, it is the Buddhist's turn, who tells the Angel, "I have done good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five prescepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test in order to get in. How do you spell 'Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva'?"
"A man finds a handsome, but unusually inexpensive horse. The seller
tells him, "He's cheap because a Baptist minister trained him, and he
don't respond to normal commands. Say 'Jesus Christ' and he goes,
yell 'Sin!' and he stops."
The man replies, "At that price, I'll take him anyway."
Soon after, the man is riding the horse when it's suddenly spooked
by a snake. It dashes in a panic toward the edge of a steep cliff. The man yells, "Stop! Stop!" The horse races on. Then, at the last moment, the man remembers. "Sin!" he shouts. The horse skids to a stop at the cliff's edge. Still shaking from
fright, the man looks at the 1000 foot drop, says, "Jesus Christ!"
4
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
A Christian man (though not a church-goer) dies, and finds himself at Heaven's Gate. Peter lets him in and explains that, as he's a little early for his Divine Audience, he will show this good but dead soul round the place...
"Over here," explains the Saintly Guide, "We have the protestants. Nice bunch of people.. They give themselves airs, being connected to the British Monarchy, but they're ok people. And over here", he points to the right,"we have the Quakers. They're very calm, but occasionally Self Righteous... These here are the Muslims...poor guys, now they're here, they never know WHICH way to point their mats! Here, we have the Buddhists... some fat, some thin, all very good at the lotus! They murmur a lot, but are fairly docile....And over here, the Hindus..."
The newly-dead chap interrupts, "What's behind that wall?"
"Shhhhhhh!!!" urges St Peter, gesticulating wildly, a worried look on his face... Then he whispers, articulating each word carefully, "Those are the Catholics!"
The dead chap responds, in a similar manner "Why are they behind a wall...?"
"Because," whispers St Peter, "they like to think they're the - only - ones - here....."
St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."
"Sounds easy enough. OK."
So Jesus manned the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"
The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."
Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"
The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"
Comments
I know this has been around the circles...but it still cracks me up. hahaha... For any newbies that haven't seen it....or old heads that are too big for their britches...
@Vastmind love that video, thanks.
Somehow missed it. Thanks!
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
Hey Fede, stop posting pics from my family album!!!!!!
I'm so sorry... I just thought it was one of the more flattering pictures of you.....
No my left side, LEFT SIDE is the better one
Well next time you lie flat out on the sofa in your best y-front lingerie, remember that - !!
Holiday leftover....
Let's eat, Grandma!
Commas save lives.
A perv, a con artist, and a fascist walk into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be Mr. President"
"Pope Benedict announced he's retiring. This is a pretty dramatic change. It means he will go from wearing a robe all day to wearing a robe all day." –Conan O'Brien
Yeah, it's been a while.
In today's NZ herald newspaper...
..."- One measure that showed no decline in older women, was vocabulary."
I should co-co....
I just saw a financial news article entitled "The American Beef Boom is Probably Over."
I thought to myself, "What? With the Donald running the show now? That is a lotta bull right there.
(forgiveness please...I just woke up...no coffee what did I do?)
True story:
Yesterday at work, during a lunch-break, a few of my colleagues (also good buddies) and I, were discussing how different dating now is, to when we were young. The conversation flowed about standards and expectations, permissible conduct 'then and now', different behavioural fashions, and eventually, we came to 'what advice would we give to any young member of our family, embarking on the adventures of dating?
From out of nowhere in my head, came the most appropriate, insightful, relevant, timely and 'get with the programme' advice anyone could ever have imagined. And the bonus was, it came in poetic form, which made it easy to remember.
I said:
"Always brush your pearlies
And comb your short 'n' curlies!"
The whole table collapsed in laughter....
Well, it does cover every angle....
aplogetically, not quite every angle.....
A husband and wife are sitting with a Marriage Counsellor, and things are not going well...
Wife: I hate him! I definitely want a divorce! He made 2 "Fat" jokes, yesterday....!!
Husband: That's a lie!
Counsellor: Why do you think she would say that you did, then?
Husband: Isn't it obvious?! Because elephants never forget....!
Those poor Australians, should not laugh, that is baaaahhd ...
A message for our Catholics wondering how to help the needy - or not:
Actually that's a Kiwi wedding........
Funny stuff? YAH! cause it's fun stuff! This will make you smile.
...and maybe get up and dance
He cut a rug!!! hahaha
A New York farmer is spreading smiles around the world thanks to a viral video of his impressive dance moves.
“Dancing is how I stay warm in the barn and I never know when I’m going to break out into a dance,” Michael Lavery captioned a video of his dance to Sia’s “Cheap Thrills” that he uploaded to Facebook.
The video that shows Lavery sweeping and dancing in the barn at his Permaculture Inn farm surrounded by apathetic goats has been viewed over 7 million times.
watch here:
http://people.com/human-interest/this-video-of-a-farmer-dancing-to-sia-is-the-best-thing-youll-see-all-day/
Spam revenge
A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"
The Christian replies, "My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven."
"OK," replies the Angel. "Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How do you spell God?" It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.
Next comes the Muslim, who says, "I had not done any good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replies, "It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?" The Muslim passes the test.
Finally, it is the Buddhist's turn, who tells the Angel, "I have done good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five prescepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test in order to get in. How do you spell 'Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva'?"
"A man finds a handsome, but unusually inexpensive horse. The seller
tells him, "He's cheap because a Baptist minister trained him, and he
don't respond to normal commands. Say 'Jesus Christ' and he goes,
yell 'Sin!' and he stops."
The man replies, "At that price, I'll take him anyway."
Soon after, the man is riding the horse when it's suddenly spooked
by a snake. It dashes in a panic toward the edge of a steep cliff.
The man yells, "Stop! Stop!"
The horse races on.
Then, at the last moment, the man remembers. "Sin!" he shouts.
The horse skids to a stop at the cliff's edge. Still shaking from
fright, the man looks at the 1000 foot drop, says, "Jesus Christ!"
A Christian man (though not a church-goer) dies, and finds himself at Heaven's Gate. Peter lets him in and explains that, as he's a little early for his Divine Audience, he will show this good but dead soul round the place...
"Over here," explains the Saintly Guide, "We have the protestants. Nice bunch of people.. They give themselves airs, being connected to the British Monarchy, but they're ok people. And over here", he points to the right,"we have the Quakers. They're very calm, but occasionally Self Righteous... These here are the Muslims...poor guys, now they're here, they never know WHICH way to point their mats! Here, we have the Buddhists... some fat, some thin, all very good at the lotus! They murmur a lot, but are fairly docile....And over here, the Hindus..."
The newly-dead chap interrupts, "What's behind that wall?"
"Shhhhhhh!!!" urges St Peter, gesticulating wildly, a worried look on his face... Then he whispers, articulating each word carefully, "Those are the Catholics!"
The dead chap responds, in a similar manner "Why are they behind a wall...?"
"Because," whispers St Peter, "they like to think they're the - only - ones - here....."
St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."
"Sounds easy enough. OK."
So Jesus manned the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"
The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."
Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"
The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"
What do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with a Zen Buddhist?
Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.
Dukkha, Anicca and Anatta walk into a bar. Dukkha says, “Life sucks!” Anicca says, “This will pass!” Anatta says, “You talkin’ to ME?!”
Q: Does a kitten have Buddha nature?
A: Mew
Who wants to know ?
But why do you want to know who want to know?
I can tell this is going to get monotonous.....
The laugh's on him - the guy's still going strong...
Yes he never gonna give you up! Nice mantra
"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?"
Charles M. Schulz