Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@newbuddhist.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take up to 48 hours. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

Funny Stuff

1101112131416»

Comments

  • BunksBunks Veteran Australia Veteran

    @Kerome said:
    @lobster are you looking into keeping your bees as healthy as possible? I’ve known several bee keepers in the past, one of which ran a foundation for bee health which advocated taking a minimum of honey from the hives because honey is a better food for bees than sugar water, which is what most bee keepers use to replace the honey they take.

    Hmmmmm....I think you may have missed the joke @Kerome =)

  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran

    @Bunks said:

    @Kerome said:
    @lobster are you looking into keeping your bees as healthy as possible? I’ve known several bee keepers in the past, one of which ran a foundation for bee health which advocated taking a minimum of honey from the hives because honey is a better food for bees than sugar water, which is what most bee keepers use to replace the honey they take.

    Hmmmmm....I think you may have missed the joke @Kerome =)

    Joke, there was a Joke? Bees are a serious matter! Oh yeah freebees.

    Bunks
  • lobsterlobster Veteran Veteran

    @Kerome ... it is a joke. Read again, particularly the ending ... B)

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I on the other hand, have really and legitimately been a bee-keeper. I had a wonderful hive, and we had some marvellous honey from it. Because we had a queen separator, the bees had plenty of honey for themselves, beneath it. Above it, the takings were ours...

    Bunks
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    personadamcrossley
  • adamcrossleyadamcrossley Veteran Veteran

    Bravo @lobster! Really enjoyed that. The previous one about the freebies though... so long-winded with such a small payoff... it was perfect ;)

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @lobster said:
    The big bad wolf had converted to Buddhism. There was peace in the forest. Suddenly. SCREAMS.

    A bystander asked the running animals, "What's happened now?"

    "The big bad wolf," a goat said, "is meditating."

    "So?" said the bystander, "Isn't that a good thing...?"

    "Noooo!" the goat bleated.

    "It's become aware wolf!"

    Ba-Dum Tch! Everyone's a funny one!

  • personperson Don't believe everything you think the void Veteran
    edited August 2

    What are the three levels of Buddhist enlightenment?

    Once Returner

    ...

    Non Returner

    ...

    Tina Turner

    federicaadamcrossleyShoshinKundo
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Kundo
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

  • adamcrossleyadamcrossley Veteran Veteran

    Incidentally, I’m currently applying to be a postman. Hopefully this isn’t a scenario I need to anticipate.

    KeromefedericaShoshinKundo
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I watched a programme yesterday on exactly how they put metal ships together.

    Simply riveting....

    adamcrossleyKeromeShoshinKundo
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"

    federicaVastmindJeffrey
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    A recent documentary highlighted the increase in the theft of vehicles from multi-storey car parks. Totally wrong on so many levels...

    Shoshin
  • lobsterlobster Veteran Veteran
    edited August 24

    Jokes about white sugar are rare, jokes about brown sugar … Demerara.

    Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
    A: It did not have the guts to do it ...

    adamcrossley
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    adamcrossleyKeromeVastmindShoshin
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    ShoshinLionduck
  • lobsterlobster Veteran Veteran

    A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”

    The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

    With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”

    The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial”.

    “See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch….”

    The father dialed the number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father.

    “Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You’ve got lot of guts calling again!” The receiver slammed down hard.

    The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I’ll show you what exasperation means.”

    He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, “Hello!”

    The father calmly said, “Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?”

    VastmindShoshinKerome
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
    edited August 26

    "Somehow I don't think I'm quite cut out for this yoga stuff"

  • lobsterlobster Veteran Veteran

    I used to have a fear of hurdles.

    But then I got over it. =)

    Shoshinadamcrossley
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Actual comment from a friend of mine.
    "I used to suffer from basiphobia until I narrowed it down from 'fear of falling' to, actually, fear of hitting the ground'. "

    And Stephen Fry's pedantic correction of the phrase, "You could have heard a pin drop" to the infuriatingly correct "Actually it's more accurate to say 'you could have heard a pin land.' " He's so right, damn him...

    (I'm furious because I should have spotted that!)

    Love plays on words, and similar...

    adamcrossley
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    lobster
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    Does a dog have Buddha nature... :)

    lobster
  • lobsterlobster Veteran Veteran
    • A Zen master told me, “Do the opposite of what I tell you.” So I didn’t.

    • Says the Master to his pupil: “Do you understand that you don’t really exist?”
      Upon which the pupil replies: “To whom are you telling that?”
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think the void Veteran

    VastmindShoshin
  • lobsterlobster Veteran Veteran
    edited October 5

    Man sues Apple claiming iPhone turned him gay :D

    In a suit filed on 20 September, it is claimed a crypto-currency called "GayCoin" was delivered via a smartphone app, rather than the Bitcoin he had ordered.
    Crypto-currency is basically virtual money - like an online version of cash - and Bitcoin and GayCoin are some of those currencies
    According to the complaint, the GayCoin crypto-currency arrived with a note saying: "Don't judge until you try".
    "I thought, in truth, how can I judge something without trying? I decided to try same-sex relationships," the complainant wrote.
    "Now I have a boyfriend and I do not know how to explain this to my parents."
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-49933003

    adamcrossley
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    Man sues Apple claiming iPhone turned him gay :D

  • LionduckLionduck Veteran Veteran

    Cocktail humor:
    When life throws you lemons, make cocktails.
    "Western" version - "Make a cowboy".

Sign In or Register to comment.