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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
Elderly couple go to the doctor.
"Doctor," says the wife, I want you to check my husband over... we still enjoy our conjugal rights now and then, but, well... he's finding it hard going sometimes..."
The Doctor takes the husband into a cubicle, and examines him. Physically, everything seems to be in order...
"So, tell me, what's the problem as you experience it?" asks the Doctor...
"Well" explains the old boy, hesitantly... "The first time is great. We're happy, we're satisfied, it all goes well, no problems...but then, the second time, I get sweats, I overheat, I need water... it's just uncomfortable!"
The doctor is stumped, so he goes out to the wife, and relates what her husband has said...
"Yeah" she replies, "The first time is in January, the second time is in August..."
2
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
Two elderly couples are sitting, sunday afternoon, enjoying chatting... the men on the verandah, the ladies in the lounge...
"So, BIll," ask Mick, "How was your trip to town yesterday? How was the lunch?"
"Oh!" Replies Bill, "It was amazing! The ambience was beautiful! We ate in the gardens... lush, green, the planting was superb! The whole setting was marvellous, and the food! My God, it was great! You should go!"
"Sure!" says Mick, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
Bill sits and thinks, but can't for the life of him remember...
"What's that flower... it's pink, or red... nice foliage... has thorns..."
"Rose...?" Ventures Mick.
"Yeah, that's it, thanks! Hey, Rose! What's the name of that restaurant we went to...?!"
2
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited March 2021
A Jewish Momma and her 4-year-old son are walking and playing on a beach, on a warm sunny day, down at the sea shore... suddenly, a rogue wave hurtles towards the beach, and before the Momma can do anything, it sweeps her little boy away...
Panicking, because nobody saw a thing, she starts screaming and praying,
"Oh God, give my son back! he has his life ahead of him! He's gonna be a doctor, he would be so good for people! I promise god, give my son back, and I'll go to the synagogue every day, I'll quit nagging my husband, I won't be picky any more... please God, please!"
At that moment, another huge wave builds, and crashing on the seashore, deposits her little boy infront of her... coughing and spluttering but otherwise fine.
She gathers him up, crying with joy!
"Oh God, thank you, thank you! I promise, everything I said I would do, I will do...I'll go to the synagogue every day, I'll...."
WE recently aquired a dog. She is friendly, playful and the household shredder. If she can get a bite into it, it will be shredded.. and we adore her.
2
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
@Lionduck said:
WE recently aquired a dog. She is friendly, playful and the household shredder. If she can get a bite into it, it will be shredded.. and we adore her.
@Lionduck said:
WE recently aquired a dog. She is friendly, playful and the household shredder. If she can get a bite into it, it will be shredded.. and we adore her.
If you haven't already decided on a name you could call her Shreddy ....
0
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
Comments
https://www.reddit.com/r/simpleliving/comments/m9sagz/even_more_relevant_today/
Elderly couple go to the doctor.
"Doctor," says the wife, I want you to check my husband over... we still enjoy our conjugal rights now and then, but, well... he's finding it hard going sometimes..."
The Doctor takes the husband into a cubicle, and examines him. Physically, everything seems to be in order...
"So, tell me, what's the problem as you experience it?" asks the Doctor...
"Well" explains the old boy, hesitantly... "The first time is great. We're happy, we're satisfied, it all goes well, no problems...but then, the second time, I get sweats, I overheat, I need water... it's just uncomfortable!"
The doctor is stumped, so he goes out to the wife, and relates what her husband has said...
"Yeah" she replies, "The first time is in January, the second time is in August..."
Two elderly couples are sitting, sunday afternoon, enjoying chatting... the men on the verandah, the ladies in the lounge...
"So, BIll," ask Mick, "How was your trip to town yesterday? How was the lunch?"
"Oh!" Replies Bill, "It was amazing! The ambience was beautiful! We ate in the gardens... lush, green, the planting was superb! The whole setting was marvellous, and the food! My God, it was great! You should go!"
"Sure!" says Mick, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
Bill sits and thinks, but can't for the life of him remember...
"What's that flower... it's pink, or red... nice foliage... has thorns..."
"Rose...?" Ventures Mick.
"Yeah, that's it, thanks! Hey, Rose! What's the name of that restaurant we went to...?!"
A Jewish Momma and her 4-year-old son are walking and playing on a beach, on a warm sunny day, down at the sea shore... suddenly, a rogue wave hurtles towards the beach, and before the Momma can do anything, it sweeps her little boy away...
Panicking, because nobody saw a thing, she starts screaming and praying,
"Oh God, give my son back! he has his life ahead of him! He's gonna be a doctor, he would be so good for people! I promise god, give my son back, and I'll go to the synagogue every day, I'll quit nagging my husband, I won't be picky any more... please God, please!"
At that moment, another huge wave builds, and crashing on the seashore, deposits her little boy infront of her... coughing and spluttering but otherwise fine.
She gathers him up, crying with joy!
"Oh God, thank you, thank you! I promise, everything I said I would do, I will do...I'll go to the synagogue every day, I'll...."
She looks at her son, then back to the heavens...
"Scuse me but...You know... he had a hat..."
The lady doth protest too much, methinks!
WE recently aquired a dog. She is friendly, playful and the household shredder. If she can get a bite into it, it will be shredded.. and we adore her.
Dog Behaviourist here, ready if you need me!
If you haven't already decided on a name you could call her Shreddy ....
Shreddy, beddy, GO!
And now for a dancing interlude ...
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/mjaz4l/fly_me_to_the_moon/
For easter I tried to teach my mother a Christian mantra/prayer. She has alzhiemers > dementia ...
“Lord Jesus Christ, Have Mercy on me A Sinner”
She managed:
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on my dinner
Good enough!
Tuck in!
https://www.learnreligions.com/the-jesus-prayer-542660
Only in Australia
I thought you might get away with that on Waiheke @Shoshin1 ?
Is there a commonly mispronounced word or phrase which drives you mad?
Please try and be as pacific as possible.
bitch.
This is so politicallyincorrect, but even so, I laughed my socks off....
Came across this top tip on reddit:
'I had my healthy appendix removed,
just to show my other organs, I take no bullshit.'
Talking of pronouncing words, and errant letters (see this post and following...)
Dame Margot Asquith, Meets Jean Harlow.
J.H.: "That's a beautiful name! Is it pronounced "Margotte"..?
M.A.: No, the 'T' is silent. As in 'Harlow'.
To be fair, she WAS a bitch...
Well did you say it slowly @Bunks ?
I tried but it didn’t seem to work 😜
I've forgotten how to program mine...!
Bah-dum, tch!
"Should have gone to SpecSavers"
Joke from my 8 year old:
How does a tree get on the internet?
It “logs” on 😆
badum-tch!