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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
I decided to use the Japanese method of de-cluttering... You know: You hold every object you own and decide whether it brings you joy, and if it doesn't you 'let it go'...?
So far I have disposed of 7 diet books, a fridgeful of 'healthy veg', three bras, four tummy briefs, a pair of bathroom scales, 5 mirrors and my treadmill.
@Kerome said:
No funny stuff thread is complete without this Buddhist joke...
A zen master walks up to a hot dog stand in New York,
And asks the vendor, "make me one with everything".
He then pays with a 20, and is about to walk away,
When he turns and asks, "hold on, where is my change?"
"Ah brother," replies the vendor, "change must come from within".
....and then as the vendor starts to run off down the street, he turns his head and shouts "Form is Emptiness Emptiness is Form" then smiles clutching the $20 bill ......
I walked into the grocery store yesterday and realized there was no way I would get shopping done if I didn't use the restroom. I walked to the back of the store, and ran in the bathroom hoping I wasn't going to tinkle on myself. Swung the door open, and immediately thought "why the hell are there sinks on the wall"? I turned around and saw Adjua standing outside the door and she says " mommy...your in the mens room" . .... First time in my life I ever did that. Hahaha.
4
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
I did that at a rest stop in France... We'd stopped for fuel and a bite to eat. Time to go! Hang on, I need the ladies' room. The queue! My goodness, a queue?! You have to be kidding me! 5 lavatories for a busy rest stop?! I See the door swing open in the men's room... SIX cubicles - and 6 stand-up 'pissoirs'! No contest. I stride in, head for the closest open cubicle, and do what must be done.
I exit, wash my hands and leave.
Oh, People - this is FRANCE! They don't give a damn where you go!
"A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”
The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”
The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?”
The guy: “No…they are all at the funeral!"
7
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
A Man walks past his son's room and does a double-take. He thinks..."Well...that's bizarre...."
The room is spotless. The bed is made, the floor is clear, the carpet vacuumed, and the shelves dusted and tidy, every book in its place.
Then, he spies an envelope on the pillow, with one simple word on it.
"Dad."
Fearing the worst, he opens the envelope, takes out the folded piece of paper and with trembling hands, begins to read...
“Dear Dad,It is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing you. I have had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and the fact she’s much older than I am (29).
But it’s not only the passion Dad; she’s pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. There's no running water, sanitation or electricity, but when you're in love, the stars are all you need...We share a dream of having many more children. In the meantime, the 7 dogs and 14 cats are plenty of company!
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with other people in the commune — for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. We have several contacts, and one guy even works as a cop, so we should be ok... cross your fingers for us!
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it.
Don’t worry, Dad. I know I’m only 15, but I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
-Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!"
JeroenLuminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlandsVeteran
edited July 2016
I don't know, I look at that joke and all that comes to mind is commentary on conditioned society goals and the unaware, brainless following of a basic script in most people's lives. For me it fails to be funny, and is even slightly offensive in its assumption that money is the peak goal at the peak age.
Edit: I was obviously in an ornery early morning pre-coffee state of mind... Metta to all
@Kerome said:
I don't know, I look at that joke and all that comes to mind is commentary on conditioned society goals and the unaware, brainless following of a basic script in most people's lives. For me it fails to be funny, and is even slightly offensive in its assumption that money is the peak goal at the peak age.
@Kerome tis the irony of life's many challenges...and to see the funny side would depend on where ones mind is at, ie, the mood one is in at the time...events that are going on in ones life etc etc...
One can if one so choose take offence/find fault in/at any number of things, if one puts ones mind to it....
I'm sorry you can't see the humour in the joke...but it was not in any way meant to offend...
This was a billboard put up by St Matthews in the City church in Auckland a couple of years back...I cracked up when I first saw it...However some were not amused...
It's a device connected to a landline phone, where one can leave a personal recorded voice message if one cannot 'personally' answer the phone........next you'll be asking what's a landline phone ???
3
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
It's a device connected to a landline phone, where one can leave a personal recorded voice message if one cannot 'personally' answer the phone........next you'll be asking what's a landline phone ???
A question was asked "What's an answering machine?" hence the picture answer link as oppose to putting up the actual picture...If @person's question was a joke (which it might well have been) then I'm the butt of the joke...so be it
Comments
Everything is bigger in Texas. Well, so the men claim.
Q: How many Taliban freedom fighters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer living in the dark!
I decided to use the Japanese method of de-cluttering... You know: You hold every object you own and decide whether it brings you joy, and if it doesn't you 'let it go'...?
So far I have disposed of 7 diet books, a fridgeful of 'healthy veg', three bras, four tummy briefs, a pair of bathroom scales, 5 mirrors and my treadmill.
Deep joy.
@federica
I have no stake in this, believe me. But I am curious why you don't think this is funny. Would you mind explaining?
I just don't think jokes about suicide by hanging are funny.
Robin Williams hanged himself, which made me cry that day.
Don't worry, it's probably only me.
....and then as the vendor starts to run off down the street, he turns his head and shouts "Form is Emptiness Emptiness is Form" then smiles clutching the $20 bill ......
Which one of us is me?
I walked into the grocery store yesterday and realized there was no way I would get shopping done if I didn't use the restroom. I walked to the back of the store, and ran in the bathroom hoping I wasn't going to tinkle on myself. Swung the door open, and immediately thought "why the hell are there sinks on the wall"? I turned around and saw Adjua standing outside the door and she says " mommy...your in the mens room"
. .... First time in my life I ever did that. Hahaha.
I did that at a rest stop in France... We'd stopped for fuel and a bite to eat. Time to go! Hang on, I need the ladies' room. The queue! My goodness, a queue?! You have to be kidding me! 5 lavatories for a busy rest stop?! I See the door swing open in the men's room... SIX cubicles - and 6 stand-up 'pissoirs'! No contest. I stride in, head for the closest open cubicle, and do what must be done.
I exit, wash my hands and leave.
Oh, People - this is FRANCE! They don't give a damn where you go!
Tee Hee.
Vive la France. Maybe they can invade Middle Earth aka little england, like they did in 1066. Just a thought for us Brit unisexers ...
And now back to the serious humourists
"A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”
The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”
The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?”
The guy: “No…they are all at the funeral!"
A Man walks past his son's room and does a double-take. He thinks..."Well...that's bizarre...."
The room is spotless. The bed is made, the floor is clear, the carpet vacuumed, and the shelves dusted and tidy, every book in its place.
Then, he spies an envelope on the pillow, with one simple word on it.
"Dad."
Fearing the worst, he opens the envelope, takes out the folded piece of paper and with trembling hands, begins to read...
“Dear Dad,It is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing you. I have had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and the fact she’s much older than I am (29).
But it’s not only the passion Dad; she’s pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. There's no running water, sanitation or electricity, but when you're in love, the stars are all you need...We share a dream of having many more children. In the meantime, the 7 dogs and 14 cats are plenty of company!
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with other people in the commune — for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. We have several contacts, and one guy even works as a cop, so we should be ok... cross your fingers for us!
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it.
Don’t worry, Dad. I know I’m only 15, but I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
-Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!"
I blame it on the EU myself.
First the Vikings, then the French, and now Polish builders! Pah! I blame the EU.
Then there's the minimalist joke:
A minimalist walked into a bar.
I don't know, I look at that joke and all that comes to mind is commentary on conditioned society goals and the unaware, brainless following of a basic script in most people's lives. For me it fails to be funny, and is even slightly offensive in its assumption that money is the peak goal at the peak age.
Edit: I was obviously in an ornery early morning pre-coffee state of mind... Metta to all
@Kerome tis the irony of life's many challenges...and to see the funny side would depend on where ones mind is at, ie, the mood one is in at the time...events that are going on in ones life etc etc...
One can if one so choose take offence/find fault in/at any number of things, if one puts ones mind to it....
I'm sorry you can't see the humour in the joke...but it was not in any way meant to offend...
This one seems funny in the same way that a big keisaku laid energetically across the shoulder blades seems funny.
This was a billboard put up by St Matthews in the City church in Auckland a couple of years back...I cracked up when I first saw it...However some were not amused...
The perfect Answering Machine message...
"Hi, I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you!"
What's an answering machine?
Donald Trump on Twitter.
It's a device connected to a landline phone, where one can leave a personal recorded voice message if one cannot 'personally' answer the phone........next you'll be asking what's a landline phone ???
http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/22751/fewer-pictures-more-links#latest.
Particularly the last comment, @Shoshin
KIndly take (Moderator) note.
A question was asked "What's an answering machine?" hence the picture answer link as oppose to putting up the actual picture...If @person's question was a joke (which it might well have been) then I'm the butt of the joke...so be it
Try here.